Santa Lechuga Power League:

The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe

by Pedregoso Rios

Sunday Morning WTF!?!? MC Misspellar

We got a lot of welcome feedback on our notice yesterday that Hall-of-Famer Lee MacPhail had died, including:
  • “Lee McPhail sounds like he should have been the owner of the Padres in the 1980’s. You know where I’m going with dat.” ~Vince Livernois, Pesky Aphids
  • “Hey can you shoot me an email with my fees so I can kick out a check. Gracias!” ~Brandon Olivarri, Chupa mi Pena!
  • “So how does Ruby Livernois (who hit the day right on the head with her Magic Number, unless he actually died on the 8th) or me not receive any points even though we both had Lee McPhail on our HOF Death roster twice?” ~Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Vince, as followers of the Pads in the ’80’s, we do know where you’re going with dat. Unfortunately.

Brandon, we
love!, love!, love! that you want to pay your fees. And we hope all your fellow owners who have not paid will take the time to do so ASAP so that we can pay our season champs.

And, finally, Kevin, besides the snotty tone (
we hold the trademark on snotty tones, dontchyaknow), we really do appreciate you calling to our attention to the fact that we missed a whole bunch of folks who had Lee MacPhail on their Death Pool rosters. Turns out we searched our rosters on the misspelled name “McPhail” and not “MacPhail,” generated a way-too-short list of teams who spelled the name as incorrectly as we did, and only gave those teams points. Talk about phail! (There’s a reason I’m the league’s Vice President of All the Little Detals.) We have now fixed the problem (we think) and correctly allocated the points to all the teams (we think). The Howards owner Ruby Livernois now leads Hall-of-Fame Death Pool Standings with 200 points.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, us?! We can’t be more thorough before awarding HOF points?!?! We mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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The Season *Never* Ends; Lee McPhail Face-Plants the Meringue

Just when you thought you could tie a ribbon around the season and go home for the winter, along comes a good, old-fashioned Hall-of-Fame death. Yep, the passing of Lee MacPhail, the oldest previously-living Hall-of-Famer, reminds all Santa Lechuga Power League owners that the sun never goes down on a SLPL season as long as there’s a chance that one of the old timers have a chance of taking the eternal dirt nap. Ever since the league extended the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool to last from the first pitch of one season to the first pitch of the next season -- and why not since HOFers never seem to want to die while a season’s in progress -- we have guaranteed that no Hall-of-Famer will ever have to die without someone in our league scoring points for it.

Beneficiaries of Lee McPhail’s timely demise include Washington Bullets owner
Jim Cummings and Moyer! The Musical owner Sue Klinkhamer, who both reserved two spots of their five spot HOF rosters for McPhail and who both now lead the HOF Death Pool standings with 100 points. Highlanders owner Rick Coppock only had McPhail once on his roster but scored extra points for having the closest Magic Number to the date of death, giving him 75 HOF points. Scoring 50 points apiece for the cadaverous McPhail were Pepino Monos owner Tony Livernois, Cameltowing, Inc. owner Dave Edison, and Chupacabras owner Tyler Shaddy.

If you didn’t score points for McPhail’s death, don’t fret. There are still plenty of Hall-of-Famers still breathing and incalculable number of ways they can still they can still face-plants the meringue before the first pitch of the ’13 season. Know hope!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Quiet Dark Horse Kyle Harmon Crowned 2012 SLPL Overall Champ!!!

MLB World Series 2

Sophomore league owner Kyle Harmon of Kempin' It Real! was crowned the 2012 SLPL Overall Champion Sunday night after the San Francisco Giants finished their four-game sweep of the pitiful, anemic Detroit Tigers. "Who would have believed that Max Scherzer would have made the difference for me," Kyle said. "I was down, down, down during the Regular Season and all through the Playoffs ... I just couldn't punch through and take over first place from Strokes owner Aaron Pankoke until the very last moment. Because of Max Freakin' Scherzer. Unreal." Kyle traded for Scherzer on the last day of trading.

In addition to being crowned Overall Champ, with his win Kyle collects a cool five hundred clams from
The Pot.

Meanwhile, Deeger Dogs owner
D.Jay Andersen was crowned the Playoffs Champ after making six trades at the trade deadline and beating Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelly by 41 points. For the win, D.Jay pulled $150 out of The Pot.

Here are all the official champs and final payouts for the 2012 season:

2012 Champs
End-of-Season Champs
Overall Champ: Kempin' It Real!, Kyle Harmon
Playoff Champ: Deeger's Dogs,
D.Jay Andersen

2012 Regular Season Champs
Regular Season Champ: The Strokes, Aaron Pankoke
Hitting Champ: Hostile Mobs of Minecraft,
Weston Livernois
Pitching Champ: Kershawshank Redemption,
Joe Kelly
Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ: Cain I Lincecum In Ur Posey,
Dave Adrian
All-Star Champ: Icepuente’s Sun Devils,
Alec Puente
Arugula Division Champ: Pepino Monos,
Tony Livernois
Cripshead Division Champ: Scoots Bigelow,
Scott Allen
Endive Division Champ: The Nicolas Cagers,
Brendan Butts
Frisee Division Champ: Hostile Mobs of Minecraft,
Weston Livernois
Radicchio Division Champ: Pesky’s Aphids,
Vince Livernois
Romaine Division Champ: Icepuente’s Sun Devils,
Alec Puente
Spinach Division Champ: The Strokes,
Aaron Pankoke
Swiss Chard Division Champ: Chupacabras,
Tyler Shaddy

2012 Payouts
$500 -
Kyle Harmon, Kempin' It Real! - Overall Champ
$500 -
Aaron Pankoke, The Strokes - Regular Season Champ

$275 -
Alec Puente, Icepuente’s Sun Devils - All-Star Champ + Romaine Division Champ
$275 -
Weston Livernois, Hostile Mobs of Minecraft - Hitting Champ + Frisee Division Champ

$150 -
D.Jay Andersen, Deeger's Dogs - Playoff Champ
$150 -
Joe Kelly, Kershawshank Redemption - Pitching Champ
$150 -
Dave Adrian, Cain I Lincecum In Ur Posey - Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ:

$125 -
Tony Livernois, Pepino Monos - Arugula Division Champ
$125 -
Scott Allen , Scoots Bigelow - Cripshead Division Champ
$125 -
Brendan Butts, The Nicolas Cagers - Endive Division Champ
$125 -
Vince Livernois, Pesky’s Aphids - Radicchio Division Champ
$125 -
Josh Bronson, The Bearded Dragons - Spinach Division Runner-Up (a.k.a., next most deserving Regular Season team)
$125 -
Tyler Shaddy, Chupacabras - Swiss Chard Division Champ

Don't forget, there's still one payout to be made for the 2012 season. If you'll scratch your synapses, the league decided at the beginning of last season to extend our
Hall-of-Fame Death Pool for each season until the beginning of the next season. This means that we will start next season by handing out a check to our final 2012 winner. No one currently leads 'cause no HOFers have expired this season, but we're hoping to catch a few quality HOF deaths between now and the beginning of next season.

Congrats to Kyle Harmon and his Kempin' It Real! and congrats to all our 2012 champs and money winners. And thanks to all of you for joining us for a most-excellent season! We look forward to seeing you all next year.

Pedregoso

P.S. If you haven't paid your ownership and trade fees, get on it already! We need to cut some championship checks! (Check Who Owes What to see what you owe. And if you've already paid and we haven't noted it, please let us know.) Send your check to:

Joe Livernois
459 Echo Valley Road
Salinas, CA 93907

If it's more convenient, you can pay your derelict debt using PayPal.

P.P.S. IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL WINNERS: Please respond with your preferred snail mail address so Rube can send your check.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? Tigers Swinging Toothpicks

MLB World Series 2

For the record, we’re not ready to call the season quits. Sure, the Detroit Tigers appear to be ready, but we’re not. Sure, The Stroke owner Aaron Pankoke wants the season to end ASAP so he can add an Overall Championship to his Regular Season Championship, but we’re not ready. Look, we like long World Serieseses, not this four-games-and-out crap. Despite how anemic the Tigers look, we really want them to step it up and win a few games already. But if they don’t, tonight the MLB will be crowning a new World Series Champ … and we’ll be crowning a new SLPL Overall Champ.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Detroit Foxtrottin’ Tigers?! You left your bats in the Championship Series?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Tigers Still Down By Two Games

MLB World Series 2

With a merciful day off, Friday the Detroit Tigers are still down by just two games in the World Series to the San Francisco Giants, who have had the Midas touch ever since going down 1-3 to the St. Louis Cardinals. Seriously, is there anything the Giants can’t do at this point?

Meanwhile, in the SLPL, The Strokes owner
Aaron Pankoke is just six points ahead in the Overall standings, though he has had that lead for a few days and he doesn’t look as though he wants to give it up easily. D.Jay Andersen’s Deeger’s Dogs are in 1st place in the Playoff standings, though Joe Kelly’s Kershawshank Redemption are hoping to retake the top spot before the Fall Classic ends.

Speaking of which:

Dear Detroit Tigers,

We can’t call it a fall “classic” unless you take it to at least six games.

Hugs and kisses, Pedregoso Rios

Official Arbiter of What We Call Things


Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Game 2 A Snooze Generator

MLB World Series 2

Maybe this would all be more fun if the last, few SLPL players still playing in the World Series would score some points now and again. Triple Crown Miguel, anything? NL MVP Posey, you? Someone? Anyone? C’mon, let’s shake things up a bit.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Game 1 In The Books

MLB World Series 2

Game 1 is in the books and Brother Joe Livernois holds the advantage over Brother Vince Livernois as Verlander choked on the pipe while Tim McCarver spends twice the number of innings praising Verlander than Verlander actually pitched while barely mentioning Zito until Zito was removed from the game but appeared to be on the line to actually win the game. Sometime I love the Fall Classic and other times I want to throw the television out my hotel window. The issue this year? There’s another TV in the other room -- hey, it’s an Embassy Suites! -- which means I’d get stuck watching ’til the end of the game anyway, so what’s the point?

Meanwhile in SLPL action,
D.Jay Andersen’s Deeger’s Dogs have taken over 1st place in the Playoff Standings.

I like it too much.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Let The Fun Begin

MLB World Series 2

The World Series begins.

I like it too much.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Giants Win Game 7; Livernois Family War Begins

MLB Postseason

The San Francisco Giants beat the St. Louis Cardinals last night in Game 7 of the National League Championship Series, setting up a monstrous showdown between brothers and SLPL owners Joe Livernois and Vince Livernois. Jay is a lifelong Giants fan and Vince is a lifelong Detroit Tigers fan. Because Jay has been alive longer, he has the slight edge to win, though that does not factor in Jim Leyland’s age.

Meanwhile, in the SLPL,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes retain the Overall lead by just six points while Kershawshank Redemption’s Joe Kelly are ahead in the Playoffs standings. There are just four hittings and five pitchers left to play the World Series, which means that Fox Sports will have to dedicate at least 97 percent of its late-inning World Series coverage to Brian Wilson's antics in the Giants dugout, up from a mere 90 percent during the Championship Series.

I like it too much.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Giants Force Game 7

MLB Postseason

Game 7. That is all.

I like it way too Foxtrottin’ much.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? Stupid Sign

MLB Postseason

While we wait to see if the San Francisco Giants can find their way to get to the World Series, today it’s time to celebrate the simple wonders of the world. Like this:

BkNEj

You wonder what the sign ever did to this guy. I mean, the sign is just standing there, all sign-like, on the side of the brick street, not bothering anyone, maybe hoping to quietly pass along a nice message about keeping your lawn green or something, maybe inviting total strangers in for a nice cup of coffee or something, maybe announcing an upcoming children’s concert or something, who knows. The sign, it just sits there quietly. But this guy. This guy has it out for the sign. He’s not happy with the sign. He’s offended by the sign. He’s pissed by the sign. So he goes and decides to kick the sign, just to show it who’s boss. So this poor, helpless inanimate sign, incapable of defending itself, does the one last thing it can do to show defiance before it’s rendered useless, before it becomes a fallen hero, fallen from where it stood, by tripping the guy and making him look like the complete and total idiot he’s likely always been. Tomorrow, the sign will stand up straight, intact, and announce to the world that the idiot who knocked him down can be seen being an idiot on the Internet for all of time, a truly stunning payback for the abuse that was inflicted upon the sign.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, sign-hating dude? You couldn’t just let well enough alone? Seriously, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Giants Make Things More Interesting

MLB Postseason

The San Francisco Giants, on the unexpected brilliance of Barry Zito, made things a bit more interesting in the National League Championship Series last night by winning Game 5. Now they’re down two games to three.

I like it too much.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Giants Down 1-3; Tigers Headed to World Series

MLB Postseason

Damn. The San Francisco Giants are down three games to one in the National League Championship Series.

I don’t like it very Foxtrottin’ much.

The Detroit Tigers are headed to the World Series. Awesome.

I like it very Foxtrottin’ much.

Meanwhile, in the SLPL Kempin' It Real! owner
Kyle Harmon has moved within six points of the Overall lead while Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelly is up just 44 points over Deeger's Dogs owner D.Jay Andersen in the Playoffs standings.

I like that very Foxtrottin’ much, too.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Giants Are Down 1-2

MLB Postseason

Wait. What? The San Francisco Giants are down two games to one in the National League Championship Series?

I don’t like it very Foxtrottin’ much.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Yankees Are Down 0-3

MLB Postseason

Wait. What? The New York Yankees are down three games in the American League Championship Series?

I like it way too Foxtrottin’ much!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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I Got Nothin'

MLB Postseason

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been holed up in Buffalo, NY, the last week, but I got nothin’.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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War Of Attrition

MLB Postseason

The war of attrition is on. With so few hitters and pitchers in the playoffs, it appears that the team that bleeds the fewest points while getting the occasional hitter home run is the team that will win the Playoffs and, possibly, the Overall standings.

By way of demonstration, while everyone else in the league can’t staunch the point bleeding, Kershawshank Redemption
Joe Kelley has jumped to a big lead in the Playoffs and is making moves in the Overall standings. Joe was 267 points back and in 12th place Overall when the Regular Season ended. He is now in 6th place and 165 points behind Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? Game One In New York

MLB Postseason

Game One of the American League Championship Series…

Leyland leaves Valverde in to pitch to Ibanez after already giving up a home run to Suzuki.

Suzuki


Ibanez goes all hero again and ties the score. Despite the TBS blowhards rooting hard for the Yankees during the extra innings, the Tigers find a way to pull it out. But before they win, the Tigers win even bigger when Jeter goes down for the rest of the playoffs with an ankle injury. Tigers have two reason to rejoice, but SLPL Cameltowing, Inc., owner
David Edison has a recommendation for Jimmy Leyland via Facebook as a show of sportsmanship after the Yanks lost Jeter:

Leyland


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Jim Leyland, are you
trying to lose Game 1?!?! Seriously, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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After The Division Serieseses...

MLB Postseason

With the completely full-slate of Division Serieseses complete, Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes still maintain the Overall lead while D.Jay Andersen’s Deeger's Dogs are ahead in the Playoffs standings. This will be an interesting final two rounds of playoffs given that only ten hitters and eight pitchers remain on playoff rosters.

Remember, points go up again for the League Championship Series to:
. Hitters earn 50 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 5 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 5 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 25 points for every homer surrendered

With three remaining hitters and two remaining pitchers, can Aaron maintain his Overall lead? With five hitters and three pitchers in the League Championship Series, can DJay overtake him or even retain his own Playoffs lead? Will some dark horse make a dark horse move and overtake both Aaron ad DJay. Strap ‘er in. We’re in for a fun ride.

I like it too much!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Game Fives

MLB Postseason

How many games of the Divisional Series are going to Game 5?

I like it too much!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Tigers and Red Fans Aren't Liking It Too Much

MLB Postseason

Tigers and Reds fans aren’t going to like this too much but I’m going to say it anyway: I love playoff baseball! C’mon, two five game series in one postseason?!?! It almost makes the impending dreaded Fox Sports coverage bearable ahead of time.

I like it too much!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Bay Area Teams Live To See Another Day

MLB Postseason

They aren’t scoring a lot of runs or making the game look very easy, but the Giants and A’s both found ways to win last night, which means their series will go at least one more game apiece.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Beware Deeger's Dogs

MLB Postseason

With a slew of last-minute trades, Deeger's Dogs owner D.Jay Andersen set himself up nicely for the postseason. In 6th place Overall at the end of the Regular Season, D.Jay made six trades before the playoffs deadline and has now propelled himself to the top of the Playoffs Standings and is now in 4th place Overall after Monday night’s playoff action. Beware of Deeger's Dogs the rest of the way!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Seriously?

MLB Postseason

Really, Giants? This is the way the 2012 season is going to end for you? I suppose I should have saved yesterday’s Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! for your two home playoff losses.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? Regular Season Leaders Not Letting Up

MLB Postseason

The fun thing about the SLPL’s playoffs -- usually -- is that they offer a chance for teams who didn’t win much during the Regular Season to come storming back and make hay during the postseason. If the first few days of this season’s playoffs are an indication, however, this postseason may not be as fun as we would like.

Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes and Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils, who finished 1st and 3rd in the Regular Season, have scored 42 points so far and lead in the Playoffs standings. They are now 1st and 2nd in the Overall standings. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Regular Season leaders, you can’t allow some of the season’s also-rans a chance at a little fantasy baseball glory?!?! Seriously, Aaron Pankoke and Alec Puente, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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The "Wild" In Wild Card; Klinkhamer Not Wild About Blown Call

wildcard_zps0685c6cb

I umpired a game in college where I had to call the infield fly rule. The ball was, like, 15 feet behind first base and easily catchable. I called it correctly, but the players went berserk. They were screaming, trying to tell me that the ball had to be in the infield, which is clearly wrong. I gave the ol’ “ordinary effort” line, told them to refer to their rule books when they got home, and predicted that they would apologize to me the next time I umpired one of their games. Oddly, and I never expected that would, they did apologize. I considered it a very small victory.

There are no victories to be had after a call like this:



Technically, I suppose the umpire was right here -- it didn’t take extraordinary effort to get to the ball --
but damn, it sure does seem to violate the spirit of the rule, which is to prevent teams from purposely dropping the ball in order to generate an easy double play. That wasn’t going to happen here, so the umpire’s call was just over-managing the game. Unfortunate.

Speaking of Unfortunate…
We made our own unfortunate call when we announced the Regular Season champs. It turns out we declared Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer the champ of the Power-Hitting Pitchers standings. We didn’t hear boo about it until yesterday, when Cain I Lincecum In Ur Posey owner Dave Adrian asked for a recount. It appears that during the Regular Season we missed two home runs from Madison Bumgarner and one from Zack Greinke, which meant that we missed a lot of points that should have been used to generate the Power-Hitting Pitchers standings. After checking into Dave’s claim, we realized he was right and that he should have been crowned the Power-Hitting Pitchers champ. We have now made this correction, Kevin has been dethroned, and Dave is now the official champ. For now. Who knows, there may be a few more unknown pitchers home runs that we haven't discovered yet; if those surface, we’ll do another recalculation to see how it works out.

All of this nonsense does point to a need in future seasons: This is one of those stats we have to track manually. Since we obviously don’t catch ‘em all -- who has time to pay attention to such things when there’s tequila to be drunk -- we need to recruit our owners to tells us anytime they hear that a pitcher hits a home run so that we track it better than we did this season.

In Other News...
Our spreadsheet has been updated and Playoff standings and stats are now posted online. Besides the Playoffs standings, we have Overall Standings, Hitting Stats, and Pitching Stats. We are also updating team stats, so take a look at your playoff roster to make sure we got everything right. Stats for the entire playoffs are recorded manually in this league, so do us a favor and let us know ASAP if we got something wrong. Please don’t wait until after we crown the champs to let us know if we missed something, okay?

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Well, That's Wild; And Pankoke Reveals Winning Motivation

You can’t really say we were sleeping at the wheel. Instead, we were sleeping off a hangover in a gutter, down by the river, about as far from the wheel as possible.

Wild Card

It seems the MLB has created a one-game-per-league Wild Card playoff game, about which we were totally unawares. Had we been aware, we might have planned for it by creating another set of points especially for this new round of the playoffs. Instead, we are going to have to treat these games as though they are part of the Divisional Playoffs. So, today’s Wild Card playoff games -- along with the Divisional Playoffs -- will be awarded the following points:

  • Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
  • Hitters lose 2 points for every K
  • Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
  • Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered
And that’s the way it’s gotta be. Next season, someone remind us that we can treat this as its own special category, okay?

In Other News: Pankoke Reveals His Motivation
In a recent text exchange, our 2012 Regular Season Champ Aaron Pankoke, owner of The Strokes, revealed his motivation that lead him to victory:

”It’s really funny. That post you made about all the rookie owners doing well didn’t sit well with me and I decided to make some trades. I wasn’t going to let some punk rookier owner win -- I am sure they are not punks, but let’s go with it. Wings are on me next time we are at the bar!

So it appears that Aaron consciously just up and decided to smack the newcomers around just by flexing a little veteran muscle. Impressive. And while his motivation inspires us, it is his offer to buy a round of chicken wings that really warms our hearts. Good on ya’, Aaron.

Final Regular Season Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Aaron Pankoke Crowned SLPL's 2012 Regular Season Champ!

It came down to nine points. Nine measly points. That's how many points to which it came. Less than a single hitter's home run. But after the smoke cleared from a season that saw the Overall Standings dominated by Tyler Shaddy's Chupacabras and Alec Puente's Icepuente's Sun Devils, Aaron Pankoke's The Strokes -- a team that didn't hit the top of the standings until early September -- ultimately won the Regular Season Championship on Wednesday night. "Call me the Oakland A's of the SLPL," Pankoke said after Wednesday's action. "I hung back, I hung back, I hung back ... then I made my move and tried never to look back." Pankoke, who was crowned the Overall Champ of the SLPL in 2003, fended off Puente and Shaddy down the stretch to scrape a cool $500 out of The Pot.

Here’s the complete list of champs crowned at the end of last night’s action, which marked the official end of the 2012 Regular Season:
  • Arugula Division Champ: Pepino Monos (21), Tony Livernois
  • Cripshead Division: Scoots Bigelow (24), Scott Allen
  • Endive Division Champ: The Nicolas Cagers (28), Brendan Butts
  • Frisee Division Champ: Hostile Mobs of Minecraft (19), Weston Livernois
  • Radicchio Division Champ: Pesky’s Aphids (30), Vince Livernois
  • Romaine Division Champ: Icepuente’s Sun Devils (9), Alec Puente
  • Spinach Division Champ: The Strokes (12), Aaron Pankoke
  • Swiss Chard Division Champ: Chupacabras (16), Tyler Shaddy
  • Hitting Champ : Hostile Mobs of Minecraft (19), Weston Livernois
  • Pitching Champ: Kershawshank Redemption (16), Joe Kelly
  • Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ: 5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur Posey (13), Dave Adrian UPDATED
  • Regular Season Champ: The Strokes (12), Aaron Pankoke
Congratulations to Aaron Pankoke and to all our Regular Season champs!

In Other News
After a barrage of last-minute trading, owners can no longer make any trades for the 2012 season.

More In Other News
Have you paid for your ownership fees and trades? If not, get on it already. We need to pay our champs, after all.

Still Yet More In Other News
The playoffs are about to begin. Good luck to one and all!

Final Regular Season Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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It's Almost Over

Unless there’s a one-game playoff, and unless there’s a wild, wild final day of the season, Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes will be crowned as Regular Season Champ tonight.

Horse Race
It’s Almost Over

I like it too much!

Meanwhile, have you made your
final trades before the playoffs?

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Things Hold Steady

With just two days left in the Regular Season, Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes still has a sizable lead in the Overall standings over Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real! after yesterday’s action.

Horse Race
Things Hold Steady

I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Strokes Still In 1st Place; Kempin' It Real Takes Over 2nd

The horserace turned really interesting yesterday. While Aaron Pankoke, owner of The Strokes, still has a sizable lead in the Overall standings, it is now over Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real!, who moved into over 2nd place over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action. There are just three days left in the Regular Season.

Horse Race
Pankoke Still In 1st; Harmon Now In 2nd

I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Sunday Morning WTF!?!? What Horserace?

Concluding our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing last Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

While the horserace the last few weeks has been fun as all get out,
Past Champ Aaron Pankoke, owner of The Strokes, is now putting some distance between himself and Alec Puente, owner of Icepuente’s Sun Devils, which means the final days of the season might not be nearly as exciting as we were hoping. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Aaron Pankoke?!? We know you’d rather avoid the drama and win this thing easily, but the rest of us want an epic, dramatic ending that goes down to the wire while we pull out our hair and chew our fingernails to nubs. I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

Meanwhile, Alec lost a even more ground to
Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real!, who are now just four points out of 2nd place after yesterday’s action. There are just four days left in the Regular Season.

Horse Race
Aaron Pankoke Is Indeed Pulling Away

I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Saturday Morning WTF!?!? Damn Paparazzi

Continuing our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

The Livernois Brothers didn’t know they were being photographed when stumbling home from a bar:

Livernois Brothers Walking Home from a Bar
From left: Livernois Brothers Joe, Tony, Sam, and Vince …“walking” home from a bar


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, paparazzi?!? Did we tell you that you could photograph us?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

In SLPL action,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes went on a rampage last night and opened up a sizable lead over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils. Alec also lost ground to Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real!, who are now just seven points out of 2nd place after yesterday’s action. There are just five days left in the Regular Season.

Horse Race
Aaron Pankoke May Be Pulling Away

I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Friday Morning WTF!?!? Walking The…Fish?!

Continuing our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

I can’t…

I don’t…

I’m trying to figure out…

Does…?

How?

What?

Huh?

2RyRW

Walking fish?

Huh?

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, photographer?!? What the hell is going on here? I mean, WTF??? I mean, seriously, WTF???

In SLPL action, no change in the horse race continues.
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes continue to maintain a 3 point lead in the Overall standings over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action with just six days of Regular Season left.

Horse Race
The Horse Race Is The Same As Yesterday

I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Thursday Morning WTF!?!? Ostriches? Huh?

Continuing our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

I can’t…

I don’t…

I’m trying to figure out…

Does…?

How?

What?

Huh?

Ostriches


And, ostriches?

Huh?

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, random GIF creator?!? What the hell is going on here? I mean, WTF??? I mean, seriously, WTF???

In SLPL action, the horse race continues as
Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils cut into Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes lead in the Overall standings after yesterday’s action. The Stroke’s are up by three points with just seven days of Regular Season left. Meanwhile, Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real!, in third place, is just 30 points off the lead.

Horse Race
The Horse Race Continues with Aaron Still In First,
Alec and Kyle Making Up Ground


I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Wednesday Morning WTF!?!? Ryan's Bailed Already? On The Stench?

Continuing our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

Politico reports that Mitt Romney’s running mate Paul Ryan
has taken to calling Mitt “The Stench.” Seriously, Paul?!?! Aren’t you supposed to wait until after the election before you start trashing your would-be boss? Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Paul Ryan!?!? That’s just bad form, man. Bad, bad form. I mean, seriously, WTF!?!?

Having said that, I like it too much.

In SLPL action,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes continues to maintain a 14 point lead in the Overall standings over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action with just eight days of Regular Season left.

Horse Race
Aaron’s Still In First


I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Tuesday Morning WTF!?!? All NFL Replacement Refs Are Referee Pitman

Since we started the week without a Sunday Morning WTF!?!?, howzabout we make up for it by having a week full of WTFs?

This morning’s WTF comes courtesy of the NFL, who still hasn’t settled the labor dispute with referees despite the fact that Mitt Romney, a la John McCain in 2008, is asking to halt the campaign until this travesty of a season is resolved. It turns out that the NFL is now fielding a team of Referee Pitmans for every game. Who’s Referee Pitman, you ask? He was the SNL character of our favorite skit of the past lotsa years, played by John Goodman, who had a weekly show and fielded questions like this from the audience:

Audience Member #3: Yeah, uh, hi, great show. I saw the last game, and I just want to know, do you find it helpful to keep your head up your rear end? I mean, why during the game? It seems that during the game you want to have your head, you know, out and in the open air so you can see the plays. I mean, is it comfortable, or is it for the warmth, or what?

Rock Clark: How about it, Ref? Your head inside your rear end?

Referee Pitman: [ thinking ] No. No, nope, never done that. I wouldn't even know how to go about it, it's an interesting position, but, uh. nope.

Rock Clark: Okay, apparently not. But good question. ...

Audience Member #4: I was just curious - what's in your head, you know, since there's no brain? I mean, is it empty, or is it filled with, say, human excrement?

Rock Clark: I think I can handle that one, Ref. The Ref does have a brain, otherwise he wouldn't be able to conduct this interview right here. That's how I know. I mean, it's basic high school biology. So the excrement question is irrelevant.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, National Football League, are you going to settle this dispute and bring the real refs back or not!?!? I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

In SLPL action,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes are holding onto their Overall lead over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action with just nine days of Regular Season left.

Horse Race
Aaron’s Still In First


I like it too much!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Monday Morning WTF!?!? What Happened To Yesterday's Sunday Morning WTF!?!?!

Today we are featuring a Monday Morning WTF!?!? since yesterday we plum forgot to do a Sunday Morning WTF!?!? In fact, today’s Monday Morning WTF!?!? is the fact that we forgot to do a Sunday Morning WTF!?!? yesterday.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, us, just because
Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin was hanging out at our abode doesn’t mean we can shirk our SLPL duties. I mean, seriously. WTF!?!?

In SLPL action,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes are maintaining their Overall lead over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action with just ten days of Regular Season left.

Horse Race
Aaron’s Still In First


I like it too much!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Strokes Maintain Lead; Quadriplegics R Us, Take 3

Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes are still in the Overall lead over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action, now by 16 points.

Horse Race
Aaron’s Still In First


Meanwhile, for too long we have been too devoid of quadriplegic-inducing actions on this blog. Here’s your fill:

ypLXL
All or Nothing


You gotta like what this kid set out to do … had it worked, it would have been impressive for observers and fun for the kid. Instead, well … a lifetime of quadriplegia.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

It's Friday, Friday … And The Strokes Are Back In First

It’s Friday!!!

Friday
It’s Friday, Friday!!!


Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes are back in the Overall lead over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action; he has a 12 point lead. Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real!, in third place, is just 51 points off the lead.

Horse Race
Aaron’s Back In First


I like it too much!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Sun Devils Back In First

Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils have once again leapfrogged into first, overtaking Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes on yesterday’s action. This is exciting!

Horse Race
Alec’s Again In First
Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Pankoke's The Strokes Retake The Lead

Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes have retaken the Overall lead from Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action; he leads by six points with just 15 days left in the Regular Season.

Horse Race
Arron’s Back On Top


This thrill ride down the stretch, I like it too much!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Tee-Up The Tee-Ball

Nothing new to report standings-wise after yesterday’s action -- Icepuente’s Sun Devils owner Alec Puente is still just one point ahead of The Strokes owner Aaron Pankoke -- so let’s just sit back and enjoy a little GIF fun:

qASVp
Tee-Up the Tee-Ball? I Can Do That


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

The Horse Race Continues; Dan Klinkhamer Has His Fee-Fees Hurt

After yesterday’s action, Icepuente’s Sun Devils owner Alec Puente is just one point ahead of The Strokes owner Aaron Pankoke. Meanwhile, Kempin' It Real! owner Kyle Harmon is looking to make a move with a strong 48 point day and is now just 47 points off the lead.

Horse Race
Alec’s Barely Holding On


While real teams are making real moves in the standings, My Wittle Fee-Fees Are Hurt owner
Dan Klinkhamer, who is rapidly becoming the league’s Grandpa Simpson, left us this random message yesterday:

League blows...I made more money this season in (Cabbage Farmers owner) Paul Martin’s much more exciting 15 Run Pool … At least that league takes a little bit of skill and not just dumb luck!! Paul Martin, for SLPL Commissioner!!!

So, in Dan’s world, being randomly assigned an MLB club each month and then sitting around waiting for the team to score exactly 15 runs or win by 15 runs is the definition of “skill.” As opposed to the SLPL, where you select your own roster and can make trades the entire season? It makes you wonder what color the sky is in Dan’s world.


While we are big fans of Paul Martin’s league -- heck, we’ve been trying to figure out a way to fold it into the SLPL for the last several years, but to no avail -- even Paul would admit his league is just one big Roulette table where the numbers are selected for you every month. I doubt Paul would consider that “skill.”

roulette-wheel

Anyway, for the record: Dan pulled $275 out of our pot last season. If he’s saying he has won more than $275 in Paul’s league so far this season, he is a lying sack of Sierra.

For the record, part two: Dan has won $675 in the SLPL over the past three seasons.

Dan, we know you have your wittle fee-fees are hurt because you aren’t gonna win any money this season, but Sierra Tango Foxtrot Uniform about it already, ya whiner.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Sunday Morning WTF!!! Outsourcing The Giving Of A Foxtrot

With the mean horse race that’s developed in the league -- Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils now lead Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes by 11 points -- we are having a tough time finding things outside of the SLPL to give a Foxtrot about. So, this week we have decided to outsource Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! to Dan Sileo, former defensive lineman for the Miami Hurricanes and current host of sports radio WQAM Miami. Dan, you’ll hear, gives a massive Foxtrot about the Miami Hurricanes.


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Miami Hurricanes?! You Hurt Dan Sileo’s Fee-Fees!

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Miami Hurricanes?! You hurt Dan Sileo’s feelings!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

We Have A New Leader

And, once again, Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils are back in first place, overtaking Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes. I told you we have a horse race.

Horse Race
Alec’s Back In First


I like it too much!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Now We Have A Horse Race

Just a couple days ago, The Strokes owner Aaron Pankoke enjoyed a 60-something point lead over previous league leader Alec Puente, owner of Icepuente’s Sun Devils. Today, that lead is down to seven measly points. With just a coupla weeks left in the season, we got ourselves a horse race.

Horse Race
And, They’re Off!


I like it too much!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Quadriplegics R Us, Take 2

In the words of the juggler Michael Davis, is it affected by gravity? Or, does the earth suck?

238
Or Does the Earth Suck?


Speaking of Michael Davis, here’s a video from way back:



Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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An Honest Mistake

Don’t let the manscara scare you away. Just sit back and enjoy this jammin’ little tune and video.


“An Honest Mistake” by The Bravery

I like it too much.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Speaking of Juggling...

I’ve had this GIF sitting in Blog Fodder folder for too long:

UtUDg

I like it too much.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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We're Back! And Mazel Tov to Brian, er, Ben

We’re back! Full standings and stats are posted. Former SLPL owner Ben Thornburg is all Bar Mitzvahed, as expected. More importantly, on the most important day of his young life, Ben kept my unbroken 30-Minutes-or-Less-to-Teach-How-to-Juggle streak alive by learning how to juggle in just 15 minutes. (Ben was even kind enough to thank me for teaching him during his candle lighting ceremony.) The kid’s a quick study.

Quick Study Ben

Meanwhile, Ben’s dad Brian Thornburg, owner of the Carrboro T-Birds, was celebrating another important event on Saturday: Getting to pose with the ubiquitous Dogs Playing Poker, who are making a world tour in 2012. Here’s Brian’s account of the event, via Facebook:

Mazel Tov Brian.JPEG

Brian’s got it all backward, of course. The Dogs and their temporary keeper were honored to be a part of Ben’s big day. Thank you! And Mazel Tov once again to Ben!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Low-Rent Standings for Games Played thru 9-8

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 9/8.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
7C The Strokes,2890,-877,-390,940,2563,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,3030,-1050,-400,956,2536,
7A Kempin' It Real!,3000,-1061,-390,926,2475,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,2900,-885,-440,897,2472,
7D The Bearded Dragons,2780,-855,-425,943,2443,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,2930,-932,-415,853,2436,
8B Chupacabras,2860,-982,-370,912,2420,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,2910,-992,-405,901,2414,
2C Scoots Bigelow,2870,-970,-390,901,2411,
4E Deeger's Dogs,2770,-890,-415,904,2369,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,2700,-913,-385,945,2347,
2A Guao Wee!,2900,-1024,-435,865,2306,
4A Full Circuits,2790,-967,-450,907,2280,
6E Dongwhipped,2620,-919,-400,949,2250,
1A Pepino Monos,2760,-925,-435,843,2243,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,2670,-913,-385,871,2243,
7B Dodger Blue,2740,-1071,-405,960,2224,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,2410,-773,-350,917,2204,
3B Krukow's Fever,2650,-911,-445,906,2200,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,2670,-959,-415,885,2181,
1D Dodgerless,2770,-1037,-475,922,2180,
4B Skeeters Ringers,2490,-833,-425,943,2175,
6B Speaking Frankly,2630,-921,-385,851,2175,
3A Highlanders,2640,-938,-450,909,2161,
5F The Howards,2650,-961,-370,840,2159,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,2580,-840,-395,795,2140,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,2550,-822,-430,827,2125,
1E This League Still Blow,2530,-851,-410,812,2081,
2F Towers of Terror,2620,-977,-430,857,2070,
3D Valley Bombers,2490,-877,-430,878,2061,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,2510,-850,-375,771,2056,
4C Cabbage Farmers,2380,-836,-390,888,2042,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,2400,-877,-435,946,2034,
3E Bauer's Bandits,2330,-712,-425,831,2024,
2E ANF 2012,2470,-889,-400,837,2018,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,2230,-680,-410,812,1952,
2D The Pathetics,2330,-773,-420,813,1950,
6D Bats in my Beltre,2240,-660,-450,813,1943,
2B Washington Bullets,2370,-701,-455,710,1924,
8E Tres Caballeros,2290,-880,-400,893,1903,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,2450,-850,-355,642,1887,
7F The Pork Bellys,2400,-910,-405,771,1856,
6C Southside Laymen,2350,-886,-425,809,1848,
8C Moyer! The Musical,2290,-962,-450,956,1834,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,2290,-931,-410,872,1821,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,2170,-868,-425,857,1734,
1C Triple Crown,1800,-746,-280,596,1370,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,1690,-857,-475,751,1109,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games Played thru 9-7

As mentioned yesterday, we can’t update the full website while we are traveling. But we are hoping this low-rent version of the Overall standings will tide you all over in the meantime.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
7C The Strokes,2860,-866,-385,929,2538,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,3010,-1046,-395,945,2514,
7A Kempin' It Real!,2990,-1052,-385,923,2476,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,2890,-878,-440,897,2469,
7D The Bearded Dragons,2760,-848,-405,935,2442,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,2900,-924,-410,850,2416,
2C Scoots Bigelow,2860,-960,-390,893,2403,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,2900,-986,-405,893,2402,
8B Chupacabras,2840,-978,-365,901,2398,
4E Deeger's Dogs,2760,-879,-410,901,2372,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,2690,-908,-380,942,2344,
2A Guao Wee!,2890,-1013,-430,862,2309,
4A Full Circuits,2780,-962,-430,899,2287,
1A Pepino Monos,2750,-914,-435,843,2244,
6E Dongwhipped,2610,-917,-395,946,2244,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,2650,-908,-380,860,2222,
7B Dodger Blue,2720,-1061,-400,957,2216,
3B Krukow's Fever,2640,-902,-430,901,2209,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,2410,-766,-350,903,2197,
4B Skeeters Ringers,2480,-829,-405,935,2181,
1D Dodgerless,2750,-1028,-455,914,2181,
6B Speaking Frankly,2630,-917,-380,843,2176,
3A Highlanders,2630,-931,-430,901,2170,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,2660,-955,-410,875,2170,
5F The Howards,2630,-955,-370,840,2145,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,2540,-811,-415,822,2136,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,2570,-832,-390,786,2134,
1E This League Still Blow,2510,-848,-405,809,2066,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,2510,-842,-375,771,2064,
2F Towers of Terror,2590,-971,-410,849,2058,
3D Valley Bombers,2470,-871,-425,875,2049,
3E Bauer's Bandits,2330,-706,-405,823,2042,
4C Cabbage Farmers,2370,-829,-385,885,2041,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,2380,-868,-430,935,2017,
2E ANF 2012,2460,-883,-395,834,2016,
6D Bats in my Beltre,2240,-650,-435,808,1963,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,2220,-670,-405,809,1954,
2D The Pathetics,2310,-771,-420,813,1932,
2B Washington Bullets,2360,-694,-440,705,1931,
8E Tres Caballeros,2280,-873,-395,877,1889,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,2420,-843,-355,642,1864,
6C Southside Laymen,2340,-875,-405,801,1861,
7F The Pork Bellys,2390,-902,-405,766,1849,
8C Moyer! The Musical,2270,-955,-430,948,1833,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,2290,-924,-405,869,1830,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,2150,-864,-425,852,1713,
1C Triple Crown,1790,-742,-270,590,1368,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,1660,-848,-455,743,1100,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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It's Friday, Friday … And We're Going Dark

We love this GIF ‘cause it’s Friday, Friday, BOOM!

Friday
It’s Friday, Friday!!!


Anyway, I know we’re heading down the final length of the season and this is not a good time to say this, but: we’re going dark. I’m headed to North Carolina to attend former Carrboro T-Birds co-owner Ben Thornburg’s Bar Mitzvah.

Ben
Mazel tov, Ben!


Ben is the son of Carrboro T-Birds owner
Brian Thornburg, who between planning the Ben’s Bar Mitzvah is lamenting the fact that the Nats are closing down Stephen Strasburg’s season September 12th. Brian’s T-Birds are currently in 22nd place Overall.

While we say we’re going dark, we may -- hotel Internet connection willing -- be able to post up low-rent Overall standings right here on this page. (That would mean we won’t be updating any other page on the site.) Though it won’t be the full-featured site to which you have become accustomed, it’s something. Wish us luck. And if we’re not successful posting to this page, just hang loose ’til next Monday, when everything should be fully up and running again.

BTW, you probably didn’t realize this, but the Santa Lechuga Power League tries to have a representative available at every one of its owners major life events. Have a kid who’s having a Bar Mitzvah? We’ll be there, camera in hand. Getting married? We’ll officiate. Did you pass away? We’ll be a pall bearer. Buying a new car? We’ll help you negotiate so that you get the undercoating for free. Why do we do this for our owners? Because, like we said when we were trying to get you to join the league,
we don’t want you to get lost in the crowd. That’s just the kind of fantasy league we run.

Mazel tov!


Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Bad Day For Sun Devils; Veterans Flex Old-School Muscle

After reading our August 20 entry “What The What? Rookie Owners Are Dominating,” where we marveled at how rookie owners were kicking butt and taking names in the league, a few veteran owners have flexed some old-school veteran muscle on the whippersnappers. And it has paid off.

With last night’s action, Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes -- after making two deft trades before the trade deadline -- bumped Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils from the top spot in the Overall Standings. No one knows where The Strokes came from, but past-champ Aaron (2003) has played like one down the stretch and now finds himself controlling the league.

Meanwhile, Dongwhipped owner
Kevin Klinkhamer, who recently picked up pitcher Adam Wainwright, was promptly awarded for his move when Wainwright hit a home run on the 5th, matching his Magic Number and propelling ‘whipped into first place of the Power-Hitting Pitchers Standings, thereby knocking the Sun Devils from that perch, too. Yeah, yesterday was a bad day for Alec.

Veteran Kempin' It Real! owner
Kyle Harmon also made a trade shortly after our blog entry ran … and now finds himself in 3rd place Overall. Scoots Bigelow owner Scott “Scoot Bigs” Allen made three trades before the deadline and now finds himself in 6th place Overall.

Will the veterans hold their spots? Will the rookies make some counter-moves? Stay tuned for what should be a fun stretch run.


Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Long Story. Ask Me About It Sometime.

Pesky’s Aphids owner Vince Livernois needs this dog.

Vince Needs This Dog
Vince Should Get This Dog


Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Quadriplegics R Us

I count seven people. I suspect at least five of them are now confined to wheelchairs.

Boat Ride from Hell
Nice Boat Ride You Got There, Christopher Reeve


Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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$20 Trades Are Now In Effect

The $20 Trade is now in effect.

payloom-1-thumbnail_1


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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$15 Trades About to End; Make 'Em by 1:05 EST

With the first pitch of the first game to be played today, the cost of SLPL trades goes up from $15 to $20. Since the first game to be played today will be at 1:05 pm Eastern time, get us any trades you may have before then. Use this form to submit your trades.

payloom-2-thumbnail_1

A reminder: Five paid trades nets you one free trade. Ten paid trades nets you two more free trades. If you're close to either, remember that you can use your free trades anytime before the end of the Regular Season, which means your free trades will be worth $20 each. That way, you can prepare for the playoffs by loading up with players from playoff teams ... for free. Think about it.

Good luck the rest of the way!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF!!! Clint Eastwood Loses Debate with Chair

There can be only one Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! this week.

Clint Eastwood Loses Debate with Chair
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Clint Eastwood?!
(Click to embiggenate.)


As usual, the Simpsons got there first:


Old Man Yells At Chair
Grampa Abraham Simpson? or Old Man Eastwood?


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Clint Eastwood?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Repeating from 8/23: How Ya' Doin'?

Repeating from August 23rd, since the $15 Trade is nearly extinct...

No, seriously. How are you doing? I mean, in the
Overall Standings? The Division Standings? Hitting? Pitching? The rest?

I ask because I’m concerned that you might not be getting the most out of your team this season. Here it is, early September, and you’ve put some time, some effort, some real cash-money into this league, and I want you to feel as though you got as much out of this season as you put into it. But if you’re currently not slated to
scrape any money out of The Pot at the end of the season, it would be severely disappointing, not only to me and to you, but also to all those little kids who have been rooting for your team all year, all the fans that have supported you, and all the souvenir makers who make a living selling your team swag. You really should do everything you can to avoid such disappointments.

I bring all this up because the $15 trade is almost null-and-void.
On September 3rd, the price of a trade will go up to $20. Consider making a move now. Do it for all the kids, the fans, and the souvenir makers. Most of all, do it to try to salvage some measure of self respect.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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So. This Happened.

President Barrack Obama stopped by my house this morning. Here he is, petting Fred. Bo will be so jealous when he learns of this.

Obama Petting Fred
Obama, Petting Fred

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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"Kept It Alive Like He Was Playing Hackey Sack With His Glove"

More from Commissioner Rube Furrow’s Facebook page. Rube notes: “More proof that the Baseball Gods hate the Astros.”


“Oh, Oh, My!”

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Dodgers & LAnkees, Playing Scared

This observation comes via Commissioner Rube Furrow’s Facebook page.

Purchasing Pennants
Dodgers & LAnkees, Playing Scared
(Click to embiggenate.)

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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I Love The Concept

“Here are album covers of the exact spot where famous artists and album covers were created in New York City.”

Simon and Garfunkel
Lower Subway Platform at Fifth Avenue and 53rd Street
(Click to embiggenate.)

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Fox Valley Fantasy Football League Begins Fourth Season

The Fox Valley Fantasy Football League, run by Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer, kicked off it’s fourth season yesterday with another epically raucous draft. Made up mostly of current/past SLPL owners, the FVFFL is a bit more true to fantasy sports traditions than the SLPL, complete with an actual draft and all the other fantasy fixin’s.

Kevin runs one hell of a league, but in its brief history the draft has become notorious for Kevin’s epic tirades. Yesterday, SLPL owner
Aaron Pankoke took the Under-Six-Rounds-Until-Kevin-Explodes and won at the very last second when, with a single pick left in the 5th round, Kevin melted down because someone questioned his draft picks. I had the Under-One-Hour-Until-Kevin-Throws-An-Innocent-Party-Under-the-Bus-While-Ranting-About-Someone-Else, but David “Eddie” Edison didn’t catch that flack until the 1-hour, 4-minute mark. For pure entertainment purposes, I would opt to forego the fantasy league itself and just have a weekly draft to develop new ways to wager around Kevin’s draft day onslaughts. In Kevin’s defense, we are all a bunch of reaction-provoking jagweeds; but the provoke-react-provoke-react dynamic -- a time-honored comedic staple -- is just too rich to avoid.

Anyway, here are a couple pics from draft day:

Dogs and Commish
The Commish with the Dogs Playing Poker
(Click to embiggenate.)

2012 Draft Board
The Final 2012 Draft Board
(Click to embiggenate.)


And, yeah, that’s me drafting a kicker in the eighth round, 15 picks before anyone else took a kicker. Don’t like the pick? Peanuts and corn, baby. Peanuts and corn.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF!!! Bruno's Home Made Pizza

You see something like this and you wonder what Bruno’s is still doing in business:

Disappointed
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Bruno’s Home Made Pizza?!
(Click to embiggenate.)


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bruno’s Home Made Pizza?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Frogger Gone Bad

When you see how it ends, wearing a helmet makes a lot of sense.

KUu5V
Standings:
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I. Just. Don't. Know. What. To. Say.

I probably saved this one for a Sunday and the wildly popular Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, but I feel as though sharing it with all of you might help me purge it from my visual memory bank. Please. Dear. All-Powerful. Whateveryouare. Please. Purge. This. From. My. Visual. Memory. Banks.

64kcM
(Click to embiggenate.)


Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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How Ya' Doin'?

No, seriously. How are you doing? I mean, in the Overall Standings? The Division Standings? Hitting? Pitching? The rest?

I ask because I’m concerned that you might not be getting the most out of your team this season. Here it is, late August, and you’ve put some time, some effort, some real cash-money into this league, and I want you to feel as though you got as much out of this season as you put into it. But if you’re currently not slated to
scrape any money out of The Pot at the end of the season, it would be severely disappointing, not only to me and to you, but also to all those little kids who have been rooting for your team all year, all the fans that have supported you, and all the souvenir makers who make a living selling your team swag. You really should do everything you can to avoid such disappointments.

I bring all this up because the $15 trade is almost null-and-void. On September 3rd, the price of a trade will go up to $20.
Consider making a move now. Do it for all the kids, the fans, and the souvenir makers. Most of all, do it to try to salvage some measure of self respect.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Ellie Don't Play That

How many times have I told you? Just leave my trunk alone while I’m eating!

QOKji
Standings:
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This Pleases Me

It’s my birthday, so I thought I’d post something that pleases me (as though everything I post here doesn’t please me; c’est la vie.). It doesn’t have anything to do with baseball or anything else related to the league, but it always makes me laugh. So, here goes, Mr. Deity dealing with Lucifer:



And here they are again:



Happy Birthday to me. And thank you for allowing me this diversion (as though most everything I post here isn’t a diversion).

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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What The What? Rookie Owners Are Dominating

Check out today’s Overall Standings. Notice anything odd? Anything maybe a little amazing? Anything perhaps a bit disconcerting?

Here it is, August 20th, and our four top teams are owned by rookie owners:
  • Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils, recruited by Vince Livernois, owner of Pesky’s Aphids, are atop the league today, but they’ve been battling it out with Tyler Shaddy’s Chupacabras, recruited by Kyle Harmon, owner of Kempin' It Real!, for most of the season.
  • Meanwhile, Josh Bronson’s The Bearded Dragons, recruited by Joshua Livernois, owner of Reno's Thinly Veiled Hatred For Californians, are today in third place. Bronson’s Dragons have made a good showing all year and don’t appear to be fading.
  • In fourth place, from out of nowhere and without any fanfare, sits Brendan Butts’ The Nicolas Cagers, recruited by The Pathetics, Ray Jasutis. Brendan’s Cagers have stormed up the standings under the radar and look as though they may make some hay before the season is out.

So, what gives? Why all the strong rookie teams? Whatever’s happening, veteran owners might want to take from the rookies’ handbooks to figure out their formula for success. It’s really quite a marvel.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF!!! This Lady, Too, Is Heinious

Instead of Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, we should call this one Oscar! Mike! Hotel! Charlie! As in, Oh, My, Holy Crap! Who spends that much time in the sun?!?!?!

v5oxk-704351
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Sun Lady?!
(Click to embiggenate.)


Do you want to know what the scariest part of this is? This lady is only 27-years-old. Oscar, Mike, Hotel Charlie, Sun Lady!!! Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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This Lady Is Heinious

Seriously, the worst type of person on this planet.

rmil3


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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For Babs

The matriarch of the Livernois Clan passed away one year ago today. Barbara Livernois was an owner in the Santa Lechuga Power League years ago and was the mother to six kids, all of whom are or were owners in this dopey little league. As a tribute to Babs on this day, we are featuring a video you have likely already seen because it heavily features the one and only manifested Bobblehead-of-Lettuce, which Mom created after we had conjured it up from our imaginations shortly after the horror show of 9/11.


Babs’ Bobblehead


I own the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce and will treasure it until I move on to the great cornfield-turned-baseball diamond in the sky. We miss you, Babs.

Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble!
Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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We're Back

We’re back, and just in time for Pesky’s Aphids owner Vince Livernois’ planned tribute to the loss of a beloved Red Sock. According to Vinnie:

The Aphids are planning on flying in formation minus one this Saturday in honor of the passing of Johnny Pesky.

This will be one of those don’t miss scenarios since teams rarely field only eight players for an entire game. Don’t miss it.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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We're Dark

We got up early enough before leaving for the airport so that we were able to update today’s stats and standings, so everything’s up-to-date through last night’s games (including a trade made last night). But we won’t have the necessary files while we are on the road, so we are now dark until Thursday morning.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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The Commish Is Okay, But We're Going Dark

Most SLPL league officials are headed to NYC tomorrow to talk shop with the MLB. We are lobbying them to try to change the way official stats are tracked so that we can include the mother of all power hits, the grand slam, in their daily stats package. This would allow us to award extra points for grand slams in our normal, day-to-day stats, which would be way-cool. While we are away, this website is going dark. We will not be updating league stats, nor will we have updates on this blog. We will resume normal (if late) operations on Thursday morning.

Not attending our MLB talks is Commissioner
Rube Furrow (a.k.a., Joe Livernois) who was rushed to Salinas Valley Memorial Hospital from Santa Lechuga proper yesterday morning. Thankfully, Rube survived an aortic explosion and will actually be going home today after a stent insertion. Click below to read the Facebook account from the horse’s mouth:

The Commish
Whiskey?! Tango?! Alpha?! Foxtrot?! Commissioner Furrow
(Click to enlargenate.)


Obviously, we here are the Santa Lechuga Power League are immensely relieved to hear that Rube’s going to be alright. As much as we bust on the guy, deservedly, we definitely prefer the world with him in it. Get well fast, Jay.


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTAF!!! Barrier Jumping Truck

What the actual foxtrot?! I mean, what actually happened here:

Barrier-Jumping Truck
Whiskey?! Tango?! Alpha?! Foxtrot?! Barrier-Jumping Truck?
(Click to de-ensmallenate.)


I have looked at this for a good five minutes and I still can’t decide exactly what took place: My best guess: The driver came from about 7:30 (lower-left of the picture) at a very high rate of speed (a.k.a., really foxtrottin’ fast) when he hit the barrier. On impact, the front of the truck dipped low while the back of the truck flipped up high and spun around -- over the second barrier -- and landed in its present position.

Are there any other explanations? Like, did he come hella fast from 2:30ish down the sidewalk and then just turned left into the barrier?

Whiskey?! Tango?! Alpha?! Foxtrot?! Barrier-Jumping Truck? Seriously, WTF?


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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I Got Nothin'

I got nothin’ today.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Power-Hitting Pitchers Hit

Tips of the ballcap are due to Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelley and Carrboro T-Birds owner Brian Thornburg for notifying us that Gio Gonzalez hit a dong on Wednesday, which mixes up our Power-Hitting Pitchers standings a bit. Further props to Joe for doing some research and discovering that Stephen Strasburg went long back in May, which adds even more points to the mix. Check out how points are awarded to Power-Hitting Pitchers here.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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What If? No, Seriously. What If?

Tip of the ballcap to Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer for locating all the gaping flesh wounds on my body and pouring lemon juice into each crevice. Kevin’s favorite line: “What if our city's all-time favorite Indians memory actually happened, and wasn't from an 80's movie starring Tom Berenger?” My favorite line: “Get bent, Kevin.”



(Can’t believe I didn’t find this myself. Thanks, Kevin!)

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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He Didn't Pass The Field Sobriety Test

Suffice it to say, he didn’t pass the breathalyzer, either. I mean, after he cleared the asphalt grit from his teeth.

Stupid Human Tricks

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Hey White Guys (NSFW)

For those born on third base …



Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Curiosity Is Wheels Down On Mars

Tip of the ballcap to NASA for last night’s drama.

Curiosity First Images
Gotta Love the Shadow of Curiosity (Click to enlarge.)


My favorite Tweet last night was this:

"Humanity just dropped a NUCLEAR-POWERED CAR, intact, onto ANOTHER PLANET with a SKY CRANE and it’s SENDING US STUFF. BRING IT ON UNIVERSE."

And my favorite blog entry started this way:

“We are a bunch of hairless apes that happened to evolve through a natural process and managed to put a SUV-sized, nuclear-powered science station on another planet and instantaneously share a photo of said planet with all of humanity over f*****g Twitter.”

Man can really rock it when it wants to.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF!!! Impressive Elderly Pole-Vaulting Dude?

Back at the beginning of April, we marveled at the mad skillz of an 86-year-old gymnast, wondering why bones weren’t snapping like twigs in a dry forest every time she landed from a big jump or why her dentures weren’t falling out with every cartwheel. Today we ponder the abilities of a 90-year-old pole vaulter:



Again, bones should be snapping and dentures should be flying. Instead, this crazy dude with better facial hair than mine is using a stick to clear a bar at seven feet, two inches. Whisky Tango Foxtrot, Impressive Elderly Pole-Vaulting Dude? I mean, seriously, WTF?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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If You Didn't Grow Up In The 70s...

If you didn’t grow up in the ’70, none of this will look familiar. Be thankful for that.



Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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There Are Safer Medical Options

It sometimes seems as though people are looking for unique and epic ways to do damage to their private parts.

Pogo Stick

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Missed It By That Much

This was my seat for what should have been a no-hitter last night:

First Row, Above the Ivy

Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelley, meanwhile, was also in attendance:

Joe Kelley for One Hitter-Photo courtesy Kelly Parkhill Cameron
Photo courtesy Kelly Parkhill Cameron


I trust he as as bummed as I was that the Cubs scraped up that hit.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Look. Behind. You.

Oh, snap.

Sneaky Sneaky

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Me, After A Day With Teenagers

This is me, after spending a day with my teenager niece and her cousin in the city:

Rest Needed


I’m going to need a vacation after my staycation.


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF?!?! Egbert Knievel

If he wasn’t paralyzed before he tried to jump his motor scooter over two junkyard cars, Egbert Knievel is surely without muscle function below his neck today.

Scooter Jump Fail
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Egbert?!


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Egbert?! Are you trying to paralyze yourself? Seriously, WTF?


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Tell Me These Are Chihuahuas

You look at this and want to throw up. Then, you think, what if these are chihuahuas? I mean, you hate chihuahuas, right? And this looks like a perfectly acceptable alternate use for those mangy, yippy fricken’ dogs. If you have to have chihuahuas in the world, why not as shoes to make short people taller?

Chihuahuas


At least, that’s what goes through my mind.


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Not Fade Away: We Need Dirty On Shaddy

So it’s about due time that we just up and admit that Tyler Shaddy, owner of Chupacabras, is not just going to fade into anonymity. While most SLPL newcomers show some life early in the season and then fade like the careers of 70’s sitcom actors, Tyler has been relentlessly relentless in his quest to kick down the league’s veteran owners and win the whole kitten caboodle in his rookie year as an owner. You look at the Past Leaders and realize that he’s been the top dog for much of this long season, which is why we need to give him overdue and heavy props for his dominance thus far this season. Props to you, Tyler, for your dominance thus far this season.

And, as is our way, it’s time to knock this knucklehead from his perch. Oh, I don’t mean it’s time to knock him out of first place, though that would be nice. I mean it’s time to dig up dirt on him and blast it to the world. Who is this guy? What are his, uh, proclivities? What are his embarrassments? We know he was recruited into the league by vet Kyle Harmon, owner of Kempin' It Real!, but that’s pretty much all we know about the guy. We know he paid his ownership fees rapidly, which immediately endeared him to league officials. But none of that is good, none of that is tasty, none of that is embarrassing. So what kind of dirt can we dig up on Tyler? Real dirt is welcome, sure, but if you have to stretch the truth to sensationalize the story, feel free. Send us your Tyler Shaddy stories
using this fancy form.


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For the Point After Touchdown … Good!

This picture just gets more and more fun the more you look at it.

PAT Good
For the Point After Touchdown … Good!
(Click to biggerize.)


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Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen

Used to be when Alex Rodriguez went on the Disabled List, SLPL owners would flock to trade the bastard. Today when A-Rod goes on the DL, no one blinks.


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GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!! OH-NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Down below is a GIF (which is apparently, my geekiest friends tell me, pronounced JIF, but that’s just stupid), which is one of them chronological image thingies that automatically restarts when it reaches the end and just keeps running and running and running. Some of these are pretty mesmerizing. Others are dopey and fun. And some of them, like this one, happens to be an unsettling peek inside the nightmares of this soccer player. Because if you’re the guy that did this, you’re never going to be able to extract it from your hypothalamus; it is hardwired into your very being. It is your identity. You’re the guy that did THIS. Good luck trying to find a way to make sure that this brutal memory isn’t the last one you have as you pass into the abyss. That would almost be as sad as doing this.

68fdc

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Before Betting The Mortgage, Check The Definition

Guzzlyn Suds owner Steve McNelley still hasn’t forgiven me. It seems he bet his mortgage on No. 2, Peligrosa, because it sounded like my name, Pedregoso. If he had asked first, I would have told him to avoid the bum ‘cause everyone knows that Peligrosa means “hazardous.”

A bum
Steve, Peligrosa Means “Hazardous”
(Click to enlargenate.)


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Sunday Morning FFS!!! Finally, Power-Hitting Pitchers

It took long enough, but we finally have a couple Power-Hitting Pitchers. Yesterday, Matt Cain went long off Cole Hamels, who then went long off Matt Cain. From what we can tell, these are the first home runs hit this season by pitchers on SLPL rosters, which means that these are the first points awarded in the Power-Hitting Pitchers standings. (If someone has any information about home runs hit by pitchers on SLPL rosters before yesterday, please let us know ASAP so we can award the points.) Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! Santa Lechuga pitchers, get off the schnied, already! We need more Power-Hitting Pitchers!

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Skeeter Living The Life

Jeren “Skeeter” Livernois’ Skeeter’s Ringers are having a decent SLPL season. They’re in 12th place Overall and are just 38 points behind the lead in the Frisee Division. With a few deft moves, his Ringers could do some real damage in the league.

Off the field IRL -- or, rather, in the press box -- Skeeter is tearing it up for
STATS, The Global Leader in Sports Information, Technology and Content as one of their official statisticians for A’s and Giants games. Check this out:

Jay's Tweet on Skeeter

Meanwhile, Skeeter’s mug was recently featured in an article for the San Francisco Chronicle about official scorekeepers. He’s the one on the left:

SF Gate Article

The article makes it sound as though it’s a thankless job, but I doubt that getting paid to sit in the press box, with that view, to watch baseball games keeps Skeeter up at nights lamenting his being under-appreciated.

Congrats, Jeren, on the killer gig!

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You Know What, Hall-of-Fame Veteran Committee? Get Bent!

I didn’t grow up a Chicago Cubs fan. In fact, I hated ‘em ‘cause they the audacity to take up one of 12 available channels while I was growing up in California. Even when I moved to Illinois I couldn’t forgive them for blocking out Gilligan’s Island reruns all those years earlier, so I followed the White Sox instead. Then the Sox ended up in the same division as my Cleveland Indians and I decided to change my Chicago allegiances to the Cubs. So I can’t claim to be a Cubs fan in any way, shape, or form, but I do root for them to do better than the White Sox every season if for no other reason than to shame my Indians’ rival. It hasn’t worked out too well for me over the years, but, hey … that’s baseball.

So, with all of that as a preface ….

Ron_Santo_1961

Regardless of how you feel about the Cubs, please join me this weekend when I --mustering all the spite I can work up -- curse the members of baseball’s Hall-of-Fame Veteran’s Committee with a healthy: “GET BENT, YOU MISERABLE, USELESS ASSHATS!”


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Big Papi On DL

As if the Joeys weren’t enough, now David “Big Papi” Ortiz has gone on the disabled list. Use this form trade the ol’ boy.


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Joey Bats, Votto Are On DL

Jose “Joey Bats” Bautista has been placed on the 15-Day Disabled List and Joey Votto recently had knee surgery, which are both bad news for those of us who were hoping that there would be no injuries to SLPL superstars after the All-Star break. Use this form trade the ol’ boys.


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David Edison Gets A Tattoo

Cameltowing, Inc., owner David Edison recently got a tattoo. Sure it’s a bit literal, but we find it amusing.

Davd Edison Gets A Tattoo
A Bit Literal, But Funny
(Click picture to enlargenate.)
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Trying Out For An OK Go! Video

This has to be the single worst audition tape submitted to star in the OK Go! video “Here It Goes Again.”

Bad Audition for OK Go Video
Bad Audition Gets Worse


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Sunday Morning WTF?! So Many Questions

You see a picture like this and, after holding your skull together so your brain doesn’t asplode, you begin to ask questions. So many questions.

So Many Questions
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Paid Professional Photographer? I Mean, Seriously, WTF?!?!
(Click picture to enlargenate.)


To wit:

  • Who is responsible?
  • How did this come about?
  • Where did that chimp come from?
  • Who dressed the chimp?
  • Why is the chimp so partial to the kid?
  • Did they coordinate the kid’s turtleneck with the chimp’s or was that a happy coincidence?
  • Who glued the eyebrows on Santa?
  • Where did the alligator come from?
  • Whose idea was it to include the alligator?
  • What do clowns have to do with Christmas?
  • What do chimps have to do with Christmas?
  • What do alligators have to do with Christmas?
  • Who planned this photo? How long did it take to set up? Does the photographer’s assistant still have all her fingers?
  • How many photos did they take before they decided that this was the one to keep? Or, when the first flash went off, did the alligator go on a rampage and eat the kid and the chimp?
  • When the Santa woke up that morning, did he know he would have his picture taken with a kid whose turtleneck matched a chimp’s turtleneck while holding an alligator in front of a clown background?
  • If he knew when he woke up that morning that he would have his picture taken with a kid whose turtleneck matched a chimp’s turtleneck while holding an alligator in front of a clown background, would he have opted for suicide instead?
  • How about the chimp? If he knew this photo was about to be taken, would the chimp have opted to remove himself from the gene pool?
  • And what about the kid? Has he been emotionally scarred by this event? Has he already taken a dive off a cliff?
  • And the alligator? Is that even an alligator? Or, is that a crocodile? And do alligators/crocodiles commit suicide after pictures like this or do they just go on rampages?
  • How can I recreate this photo?
And so many more...

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! paid professional photographer? I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

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Trades Now Cost $15

15 Buck

The $10 Trade is dead. Trades now cost $15. That is all.

Wait! That’s not all!
Trades have been made. The Pot has grown. Rosters have changed. It’s going to be a great second half!

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$10 Trades About to End; Make Your Mid-Season Trades by 2:20 EST

10 Buck Trades

With the first pitch of the first game to be played today -- the first after the All-Star Break -- the cost of SLPL trades goes up from $10 to $15. Since the first game to be played today will be at 2:20 pm Eastern time, you will want to get us your mid-season trades by then. Use this form to submit your trades.

Thanks. And good luck during the second half of the season!

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Who's On The DL? What's Their Outlook?

10 Buck Trades

Given that $10 trades will soon go the way of the dodo, we thought now would be a good time to give owners an update on SLPL rostered players who are on the Disabled List. So, here goes:

  • CC Sabathia as of 7/10: "…still plans to return to start July 17 against the Blue Jays.
  • Troy Tulowitzki as of 6/22: "…will need three weeks of exercises before participating in baseball activities. Tulowitzki is likely out for six to eight weeks."
  • Andre Ethier as of 7/7: "The plan for Ethier includes to game with the Dodgers' High-A affiliate before a return to the lineup when the big club is back in action Friday, July 13."
  • Matt Kemp as of 7/7: "The Dodgers are still expecting Kemp to rejoin their lineup Friday when they resume action following the All-Star break. Kemp will play nine innings in center field Saturday before serving as the DH on Sunday."
  • Jacoby Ellsbury as of 7/11: "The Red Sox plan to activate Ellsbury (shoulder) prior to Friday's game against the Rays."
  • Mariano Rivera as of 7/10: "…the 42-year-old could return this season."
  • Giancarlo Stanton as of 7/8: "…underwent successful surgery Sunday and his recovery is expected to last four-to-six weeks."
  • Roy Halladay as of 7/10: "Halladay is expected to make just one rehab start. That would put him on track to return to the Phillies on July 17."
  • Evan Longoria as of 7/8: "Longoria (hamstring) isn't expected to rejoin the Rays until August."
  • Lance Berkman as of 7/6: "The Cardinals slugger is still on track to return shortly after the All-Star break, but he probably won't be ready by July 13."
We hope this helps as you prepare to make roster changes going into the second half of the season.

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Giants Beat AL All-Stars; Icepuente’s Sun Devils Crowned All-Star Champ

2012_mlb_all_star_game

We knew who won the 2012 All-Star Championship last night but decided not to officially announce the winner until this morning. We waited in the hopes that we could work up a good head of snark overnight. If there’s one thing we should be able to do after a good night’s sleep it’s to work up all sorts of sarcastic and brutal things to say about a dreary and boring All-Star game that was over in the first inning, a game televised by Fox Sports featuring Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, right?

We must be losing our edge. Or maybe it wasn’t a very good night’s sleep. Because we got nothing.

So, bypassing all the snark of which we are devoid, let’s move on to the official announcement:

Alec Puente, owner of Icepuente’s Sun Devils, is the 2012 All-Star Champion! On the [sarcasm]power[/sarcasm] of three pitching strikeouts while only giving up one hitting strikeout, Alec leapfrogged 38 teams with whom he was tied after the Home Run Derby to win it all, er, the All-Star crown. With his win, Alec scrapes $150 clams out of The Pot, making him the first cash winner in the 2012 season.

Alec Crowned 2012 All-Star Champ, Wins $150
Alec Puente Crowned 2012 All-Star Champ (Click to enlargenate.)


This was the second straight All-Star Game without an SLPL home run hit or given up. SLPL All-Star stats
can be viewed here.

Now, on to additional league business. Ten dollar trades are on the chopping block and will end with the first pitch of the first game played Friday. To make yourself competitive for the remainder of the season, we recommend that you spend this lull in the season to assess your roster and decide who you want to trade and who you want to pick up. Trades go up to $15 after the All-Star Break.

Congratulations to our 2012 All-Star Champ, Alec!

P.S. If you don't know about him, @FakeTimMcCarver on Twitter is a a worth read during televised games. Even though we can't provide the requisite snark, this guy sure can. Enjoy
his coverage from last night here.

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39 Teams Jump Out to All-Star Lead!

zZCnK7w4

With Prince Fielder winning the 2012 Home Run Derby, 39 SLPL teams jumped out to an early lead in the All-Star Standings. Which, if we have to be honest with ourselves, is sort of like having no advantage at all going into Tuesday’s All-Star Game. Well, damn.

On the upside, it sure was fun watching Robinson Cano get exactly zero home runs during the derby. He was like a race horse breaking a foot out of the gate, except the Yankees owners didn’t get to take him back to the barn and shoot him.

2012_mlb_all_star_game

Stay tuned for Tuesday night’s All-Star Game, which will determine our first SLPL champ to be crowned in 2012.

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No More Religious/Political Talk … (With Exceptions); UPDATED

In yesterday’s premier Sunday Morning Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra!, we went all religious/political with all y’alls, and for that we apologize. It is something we have over the years tried to avoid, but since we like to work in stuff recommended for our blog by our owners, we decided to make an exception based on what Kevin Klinkhamer sent us. Besides, it gave us a chance to introduce the excellent new occasional feature Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra!

So we’re shutting down the religious/political stuff on this blog. Our only exceptions will be if we find something particularly funny, particularly juvenile, or both that we would want to share. Like this, from
The Atheist Pig:

Atheist Pig
Peppermint Farts (Click to embiggen.)


UPDATED: Oh, and by the way, the 2012 All-Star Home Run Derby is tonight! Remember, if a player on your roster wins the Home Run Derby, you will be awarded 250 points towards the All-Star Standings.

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Sunday Morning FFS!!! Tax The Nonbelievers?!?!

Editor’s Note: We’re changing Sunday mornings up here a little bit. Instead of the customary “Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!,” we’re occasionally going to to feature a “Sunday Morning Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra!,” or FFS. If you are unfamiliar with FFS, click here (not safe for work, not safe for youngsters with pristine eyes, and not safe for when you’re being introduced to the queen).

Our inaugural Sunday Morning Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! comes courtesy of Dongwhipped owner
Kevin Klinkhamer, who forwarded the following link in the hopes that we would go on an epic, infidel-inspired rant about dumbfoxtrots like this knucklehead. Instead, we’ll just go with a simple Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! evangelical a**hat Bryan Fisher! I’ve got a better idea: Let’s tax churches. Oh, what? No? Something about the First Amendment? Yeah. That. Read it. For comprehension.


Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! Evangelical A**hat Bryan Fisher!


And while we’re on a heathenistic bent, let’s just throw a complimentary FFS! to
Louisiana wingnut state rep Valarie Hodges. Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! Valarie Hodges! It’s amazing someone as ignorant of the constitution can hold elected office. And with people this awe-inspiringly imbecilic already serving as state reps, you really have to wonder why Bobby Jindal tries so hard to make his state’s education system even worse. Why would he want to mess with a system that’s already pumping out teh stupid so incredibly efficiently?

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Wilco/Andrew Bird On Random


With Andrew Bird opening and Wilco headlining at the home of the Kane County Cougars tomorrow night, I’m not plumbing my whole music library this weekend. Instead, I’m listening to a lot of Andrew Bird and Wilco. Obviously.

July 7th Playlist
July 7th Playlist (Click to biggerate.)




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Not Really "In The House", Nor Cool

We saw this on Facebook yesterday and decided that SLPL owners would appreciate it. This comes courtesy of Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer:

To all campaigning politicians making speeches this season -- and this goes for all races and genders, but especially white males -- please stop exclaiming that an area supporter hosting you is "in the house" when thanking/introducing them. To make things worse, lately I have seen a number of you doing this during a speech you make outdoors! Please note that in this phrase “house” refers to a covered structure of some sort, be it an actual house, building, hotel ballroom, or wherever you might be raising money at the time.

This statement is so played, and if anyone has seriously uttered it in the past several years then they don't know what they are doing. The statement doesn't mean you sound cool or make voters think you have your finger on the pulse of so called pop culture. If either of those two things were the case, you wouldn't be a politician.

To which we say: Well said, Kevin!

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We're Back!

We’re back, with standings and stats updated after the July 4th holiday. We hope you had a great one!

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Happy Birthday, 'merica

Each year on this day, I post one of my all-time favorite videos/songs, “Fourth of July” by Galaxie 500, with the lyrics:

I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit

And your dog refused to look at it

So I got drunk and looked at the Empire State Building

It was no bigger than a nickel …

No reason to buck tradition:


Galaxie 500 - 4th Of July by jesus_lizard
Galaxie 500: “Fourth of July”

This year, I’m adding to the tradition by featuring the Muppets on the 4th, ‘cause, you know, who doesn’t like the Muppets?


Muppets: “Stars and Stripes Forever.


Enjoy your Fourth! Be safe.

(BTW, I’m traveling today and won’t be back until later tomorrow … so, standings and stats will be posted later than usual.)

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All-Star Reminder

2012_mlb_all_star_game

The 83rd MLB All-Star Game is just a week away, which means SLPL owners have a little longer than that to make final $10 trades. The $15 trade goes into effect with the first pitch of the first game after the All-Star game, which is on July 13th. Size up your roster, identify the dead weight, and pick up some shiny new players. You can check out rules for SLPL’s All-Star Standings here.

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"You Watch Baseball Long Enough, Lou..."

“An unbelievable end to this game…”


The Fireworks Seemed Excessive, Though
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Sunday Morning WTF?! Bud Selig

Dogwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer recently called attention to the fact that MLB Commissioner Bud Selig has pulled video of the classic rant by Cleveland broadcaster Bruce Drennan. From Kevin’s e-mail:

Boers and Bernstein played a couple drops from the epic Bruce Drennan rant from 5/5/2010 and I went looking for it. However, it has been removed due to a copyright claim by MLB advanced media ... which is total Bud Selig BS as the show "All Bets Are Off" is not owned by MLB. Anyway, is there any other type of video you have or can get with your Jedi knowledge, etc.? I will even take just an audio of the thing if you can.

Kevin dropped another e-mail minutes later:

And now I go to Fox Sports Ohio's YouTube channel and every other Bruce Drennan pre- and-post game video is on and plays just fine. Which means Selig had just that video taken off because he didn't like it and because he can. It is time for at least a Sunday Morning WTF?! concerning Bud Selig … though I would vote for a whole new "Die Bud Selig" section on SLPL!

We are with you, Kevin, on both counts. Die, Bud Selig! And Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bud Selig?!?! You can’t let us have a little epic rant by Bruce Drennan? Seriously? W? T? F?

Just to give you a feel for what we might have seen had I been able to use my Ninja Internet skillz to dig up the original, let’s look at a mini-rant by Bruce just days before his unfound epic rant. You can see the epicness being foreshadowed in this video:


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bud Selig?!?! You Can’t Give Us More of This?
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Poolside Orchestration

We never got this elaborate, but I can remember summer days at the public pool trying to catch tennis balls while jumping from the high dive.

z1
Poolside Orchestration
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We Went Dark

Don’t ask us how it happened, but we just plain forgot to add a blog entry yesterday. We updated the standings and stats, but we left it there, forgetting to post on the blog. Sheesh. Were we dark? Or am I dim?

Anyway, didjya guys hear that CC Sabathia is on the
15-Day DL? Yeah, that happened. He joins Lance Berkman, Evan Longoria, Matt Kemp, Roy Halladay, and Troy Tulowitzki as SLPL players on the Disabled List. Bummer that, eh? Anyways, if you wanna get rid of your dead weight, consider making a trade before the end of the All-Star break, while trades are still going for the very reasonable $10. Just saying.

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Curiousity: Dare Mighty Things

I make no predictions, but if the execution of this mission is as good as this video, it will be successful. Too cool.


Curiousity: Dare Mighty Things

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I Love My Neighbors, But When I Didn't ...

There was a time -- before I got my dog -- when my neighbors couldn’t stand me. I don’t know why having a dog made me more palatable to talk to, interact with, or be nice to, but since getting Fred I have apparently become a human in their eyes and everyone has decided I’m okay. Which is cool by me.

Having said that, if someone had told me six years ago, pre-Fred, that I could have one of these Squirrelapults, I would have spent all my free time setting the bait and launching live squirrels at my neighbors’ houses. Just saying.

iba8TlEVhAtPqe
Awesome Squirrelapult

(Ohhhh … now I get it! As I was typing those words about wanting to launch live squirrels at my neighbors’ houses, I realize that that’s probably why they didn’t like me for all those years! I can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes.)

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Sunday Morning WTF?! Oily Maniac

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Japanese monster movie directors?!?! Things actually got worse after Godzilla?


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Japanese Monster Movie Directors?!?!
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Neanderthal Meth Lab

Yesterday we asked you to speculate about what the hell is going on in the the following video:


Neanderthal Meth Lab

SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow, who apparently knows about such things, has offered the definitive answer: “What you are seeing there is a Neanderthal meth lab.” Good to know.

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Some People Handbang to the Beat of Their Own Drummers

I’m sure there must be an explanation for this. Until we figure it out, speculate about what the explanation might be. Do so quietly, to yourself, then dive in and give a primal, metal scream.


Handbanging to the Beat of Their Own Drummers

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You Need to Flap Those Wings

It’s clear why the girl on the left is losing, correct? She’s just holding her arms out … she’s not flapping them like wings like the girl on the right.

Aejtz
Fly Away, Little Birdie
Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

All-Star Game 20 Days Away; $10 Trade Dies Soon Thereafter

2012_mlb_all_star_game

We are less than three weeks away from the 83rd MLB All-Star Game, which will take place on July 10th. This means that SLPL owners have a little more than three weeks to make $10 trades; $15 trades begin with the first pitch of the first game after the All-Star game, which will be on July 13th. Between now and then, you might make it a point to size up your roster against the rest of the league, figure out what dead weight you need to ditch, and pick up some new players.

BTW, if you’re unfamiliar, you should check out the rules for the
SLPL’s All-Star Standings. It’s a special little side-bet feature of our league that factors in the Home Run Derby winner and the game itself to award the first SLPL champ of the season.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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We're Back!

We’re back! Full standings and stats are posted. Former SLPL owner Marcus Rochellle is all graduamated and getting ready to get on with the rest of his life, which his family assumes will end with his face on Mt. Rushmore. Meanwhile, we are all once again still nursing our hangovers. It was a good time, sunburnt or not.

20122112
The Rochellles: Yes, Three Ls (Click to biggerize.)

20122250
Outside His Frat (Click to biggenate.)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 6-17

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 6-17.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,1460,-479,-200,438,1219,
8B Chupacabras,1430,-451,-195,421,1205,
7D The Bearded Dragons,1350,-410,-215,457,1182,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,1330,-406,-195,434,1163,
2A Guao Wee!,1410,-452,-200,404,1162,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,1400,-471,-190,410,1149,
4B Skeeters Ringers,1270,-368,-215,457,1144,
6E Dongwhipped,1330,-432,-205,448,1141,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,1370,-448,-210,427,1139,
4E Deeger's Dogs,1310,-412,-210,427,1115,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,1280,-427,-165,425,1113,
4A Full Circuits,1360,-474,-215,438,1109,
2C Scoots Bigelow,1310,-440,-185,415,1100,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,1210,-387,-140,411,1094,
3E Bauer's Bandits,1220,-376,-175,412,1081,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,1290,-424,-205,417,1078,
7A Kempin' It Real!,1350,-504,-200,426,1072,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,1280,-392,-215,396,1069,
7C The Strokes,1220,-405,-185,436,1066,
3B Krukow's Fever,1280,-427,-220,429,1062,
1A Pepino Monos,1320,-410,-235,383,1058,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,1240,-397,-200,413,1056,
3A Highlanders,1250,-424,-205,430,1051,
2E ANF 2012,1210,-457,-150,444,1047,
3D Valley Bombers,1210,-391,-205,420,1034,
1D Dodgerless,1310,-506,-220,449,1033,
6B Speaking Frankly,1280,-459,-195,407,1033,
8E Tres Caballeros,1210,-429,-180,431,1032,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,1190,-422,-140,401,1029,
7B Dodger Blue,1260,-494,-200,451,1017,
1E This League Still Blow,1220,-431,-175,387,1001,
5F The Howards,1240,-475,-180,413,998,
7F The Pork Bellys,1210,-419,-195,399,995,
2D The Pathetics,1190,-407,-195,404,992,
2F Towers of Terror,1240,-482,-200,422,980,
2B Washington Bullets,1140,-367,-185,358,946,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,1030,-376,-150,433,937,
6D Bats in my Beltre,1080,-332,-215,396,929,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,1040,-332,-175,387,920,
8C Moyer! The Musical,1130,-454,-230,457,903,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,1110,-452,-200,439,897,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,1160,-431,-165,323,887,
6C Southside Laymen,1070,-410,-185,396,871,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,1120,-479,-185,414,870,
4C Cabbage Farmers,1040,-400,-195,414,859,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,1080,-430,-205,411,856,
1C Triple Crown,1070,-390,-110,281,851,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,940,-420,-200,351,671,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 6-16

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 6-16.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,1440,-473,-200,438,1205,
7D The Bearded Dragons,1340,-404,-215,450,1171,
8B Chupacabras,1390,-445,-195,414,1164,
2A Guao Wee!,1390,-449,-200,404,1145,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,1390,-464,-190,403,1139,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,1300,-403,-195,427,1129,
4B Skeeters Ringers,1250,-367,-215,450,1118,
6E Dongwhipped,1310,-430,-205,441,1116,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,1340,-445,-210,427,1112,
4E Deeger's Dogs,1280,-409,-210,427,1088,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,1260,-426,-165,419,1088,
4A Full Circuits,1340,-471,-215,431,1085,
3E Bauer's Bandits,1210,-373,-175,412,1074,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,1190,-382,-140,405,1073,
2C Scoots Bigelow,1280,-436,-185,408,1067,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,1280,-419,-205,410,1066,
7A Kempin' It Real!,1330,-497,-200,419,1052,
7C The Strokes,1200,-399,-185,436,1052,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,1250,-389,-215,396,1042,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,1220,-392,-200,409,1037,
3B Krukow's Fever,1260,-421,-220,418,1037,
1A Pepino Monos,1300,-405,-235,376,1036,
2E ANF 2012,1190,-454,-150,438,1024,
8E Tres Caballeros,1200,-428,-180,431,1023,
3A Highlanders,1210,-421,-205,430,1014,
6B Speaking Frankly,1250,-454,-195,407,1008,
1D Dodgerless,1280,-496,-220,442,1006,
3D Valley Bombers,1180,-390,-205,420,1005,
7B Dodger Blue,1240,-486,-200,444,998,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,1160,-419,-140,391,992,
7F The Pork Bellys,1200,-416,-195,399,988,
1E This League Still Blow,1200,-430,-175,387,982,
2D The Pathetics,1180,-403,-195,398,980,
5F The Howards,1220,-470,-180,400,970,
2F Towers of Terror,1220,-478,-200,422,964,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,1010,-372,-150,433,921,
2B Washington Bullets,1110,-363,-185,358,920,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,1020,-329,-175,387,903,
6D Bats in my Beltre,1050,-329,-215,396,902,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,1100,-447,-200,439,892,
8C Moyer! The Musical,1110,-446,-230,450,884,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,1140,-427,-165,323,871,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,1100,-472,-185,414,857,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,1070,-423,-205,404,846,
6C Southside Laymen,1040,-406,-185,396,845,
1C Triple Crown,1060,-388,-110,281,843,
4C Cabbage Farmers,1020,-398,-195,407,834,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,930,-416,-200,347,661,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 6-15

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 6-15.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,1410,-465,-200,438,1183,
8B Chupacabras,1370,-439,-185,408,1154,
7D The Bearded Dragons,1310,-398,-205,444,1151,
2A Guao Wee!,1370,-441,-185,395,1139,
4B Skeeters Ringers,1240,-361,-205,444,1118,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,1350,-455,-175,394,1114,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,1330,-437,-205,424,1112,
6E Dongwhipped,1290,-423,-195,435,1107,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,1270,-400,-195,427,1102,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,1240,-418,-155,413,1080,
4E Deeger's Dogs,1260,-403,-200,421,1078,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,1180,-375,-135,402,1072,
4A Full Circuits,1300,-463,-205,425,1057,
3E Bauer's Bandits,1180,-366,-165,406,1055,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,1250,-412,-205,410,1043,
2C Scoots Bigelow,1240,-428,-175,402,1039,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,1230,-383,-200,387,1034,
7C The Strokes,1170,-393,-175,430,1032,
2E ANF 2012,1180,-447,-140,432,1025,
3A Highlanders,1210,-414,-195,424,1025,
7A Kempin' It Real!,1290,-490,-190,413,1023,
1A Pepino Monos,1280,-398,-225,365,1022,
8E Tres Caballeros,1190,-423,-180,431,1018,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,1190,-384,-195,406,1017,
3B Krukow's Fever,1230,-416,-215,415,1014,
3D Valley Bombers,1180,-385,-195,414,1014,
1D Dodgerless,1260,-487,-215,434,992,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,1150,-413,-130,385,992,
7B Dodger Blue,1220,-477,-190,438,991,
6B Speaking Frankly,1220,-448,-180,398,990,
1E This League Still Blow,1190,-423,-165,381,983,
5F The Howards,1210,-462,-170,394,972,
2F Towers of Terror,1210,-470,-190,416,966,
7F The Pork Bellys,1170,-411,-195,399,963,
2D The Pathetics,1150,-398,-185,392,959,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,990,-364,-150,433,909,
2B Washington Bullets,1090,-357,-170,344,907,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,1000,-323,-165,381,893,
6D Bats in my Beltre,1030,-324,-200,387,893,
8C Moyer! The Musical,1110,-437,-230,450,893,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,1080,-438,-185,430,887,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,1120,-423,-155,312,854,
1C Triple Crown,1060,-378,-110,278,850,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,1080,-465,-175,408,848,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,1050,-413,-205,404,836,
6C Southside Laymen,1020,-399,-185,396,832,
4C Cabbage Farmers,1010,-394,-185,401,832,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,910,-408,-200,347,649,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 6-14

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 6-14.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,1390,-457,-185,412,1160,
7D The Bearded Dragons,1300,-395,-195,437,1147,
8B Chupacabras,1350,-434,-175,401,1142,
2A Guao Wee!,1350,-437,-185,387,1115,
4B Skeeters Ringers,1230,-358,-195,437,1114,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,1340,-452,-175,394,1107,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,1320,-433,-195,409,1101,
6E Dongwhipped,1270,-419,-185,428,1094,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,1250,-397,-185,412,1080,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,1220,-413,-145,406,1068,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,1170,-373,-135,399,1061,
4E Deeger's Dogs,1240,-399,-190,406,1057,
3E Bauer's Bandits,1170,-363,-165,406,1048,
4A Full Circuits,1270,-457,-195,418,1036,
2C Scoots Bigelow,1230,-426,-165,387,1026,
3A Highlanders,1200,-408,-185,417,1024,
2E ANF 2012,1170,-441,-140,432,1021,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,1210,-379,-190,380,1021,
7C The Strokes,1160,-390,-160,404,1014,
3B Krukow's Fever,1220,-411,-205,408,1012,
3D Valley Bombers,1170,-382,-185,407,1010,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,1230,-407,-200,386,1009,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,1180,-379,-185,391,1007,
1A Pepino Monos,1260,-393,-225,365,1007,
8E Tres Caballeros,1180,-421,-165,413,1007,
7A Kempin' It Real!,1270,-485,-180,398,1003,
1E This League Still Blow,1190,-420,-155,374,989,
1D Dodgerless,1240,-479,-215,434,980,
7B Dodger Blue,1200,-472,-180,431,979,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,1140,-408,-130,377,979,
6B Speaking Frankly,1200,-443,-170,391,978,
5F The Howards,1200,-456,-160,387,971,
2F Towers of Terror,1200,-464,-180,409,965,
2D The Pathetics,1140,-393,-175,385,957,
7F The Pork Bellys,1150,-408,-185,392,949,
2B Washington Bullets,1080,-353,-170,344,901,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,990,-362,-135,407,900,
8C Moyer! The Musical,1100,-430,-210,436,896,
6D Bats in my Beltre,1020,-322,-190,380,888,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,1080,-434,-170,412,888,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,990,-321,-155,374,888,
1C Triple Crown,1050,-374,-100,271,847,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,1110,-419,-155,311,847,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,1070,-459,-165,401,847,
4C Cabbage Farmers,1000,-389,-175,394,830,
6C Southside Laymen,1000,-394,-175,389,820,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,1020,-406,-195,397,816,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,900,-403,-200,347,644,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 6-13

As mentioned earlier this week, we can’t update the full website while we are traveling … but this low-rent version of the Overall standings should tide you all over in the meantime. We’ll be back to full up-and-running standings next Tuesday.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,1380,-453,-185,412,1154,
7D The Bearded Dragons,1290,-391,-195,429,1133,
8B Chupacabras,1340,-430,-175,393,1128,
4B Skeeters Ringers,1230,-356,-195,429,1108,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,1320,-429,-195,409,1105,
2A Guao Wee!,1340,-431,-185,379,1103,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,1330,-446,-175,386,1095,
6E Dongwhipped,1270,-412,-185,420,1093,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,1240,-391,-185,404,1068,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,1220,-411,-145,398,1062,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,1160,-369,-135,391,1047,
4E Deeger's Dogs,1230,-394,-190,398,1044,
3E Bauer's Bandits,1150,-359,-165,398,1024,
2C Scoots Bigelow,1220,-420,-165,387,1022,
4A Full Circuits,1260,-453,-195,410,1022,
3A Highlanders,1200,-406,-185,409,1018,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,1200,-375,-190,380,1015,
3B Krukow's Fever,1210,-405,-205,408,1008,
2E ANF 2012,1160,-437,-140,424,1007,
3D Valley Bombers,1170,-379,-185,399,1005,
8E Tres Caballeros,1180,-416,-165,405,1004,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,1220,-403,-200,386,1003,
1A Pepino Monos,1250,-388,-225,365,1002,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,1170,-375,-185,391,1001,
7C The Strokes,1150,-385,-160,396,1001,
7A Kempin' It Real!,1260,-479,-180,390,991,
1E This League Still Blow,1190,-417,-155,366,984,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,1140,-404,-130,377,983,
5F The Howards,1200,-454,-160,387,973,
7B Dodger Blue,1190,-468,-180,423,965,
6B Speaking Frankly,1190,-438,-170,383,965,
2F Towers of Terror,1200,-459,-180,401,962,
1D Dodgerless,1220,-476,-215,426,955,
7F The Pork Bellys,1140,-401,-185,392,946,
2D The Pathetics,1120,-390,-175,385,940,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,990,-357,-135,407,905,
2B Washington Bullets,1070,-350,-170,344,894,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,1080,-427,-170,404,887,
6D Bats in my Beltre,1010,-318,-190,380,882,
8C Moyer! The Musical,1090,-429,-210,428,879,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,980,-317,-155,366,874,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,1100,-410,-155,311,846,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,1070,-455,-165,393,843,
1C Triple Crown,1040,-369,-100,263,834,
4C Cabbage Farmers,1000,-386,-175,394,833,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,1010,-404,-195,397,808,
6C Southside Laymen,990,-389,-175,381,807,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,900,-400,-200,339,639,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

ICYMI: Some Things Can't Wait 'Til Sunday, Take 2

In case you missed it … a blog second, repeating an entry the day after we first posted it … because you really don’t want to miss this. (Incidentally, you might be interested in this, which we found after we posted yesterday.)

Two reasons to post this today: One, we’ll be dark this Sunday, which means we will be without a Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! And, two, why the heck should we wait?! This is just too incredible, too wondrous, too freakin’ awesome to wait on. You all need to see this today. You’re welcome.

Huh? As in, huh?!
Huh? (Click to biggercize.)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Some Things Can't Wait 'Til Sunday, Take 2

Two reasons to post this today: One, we’ll be dark this Sunday, which means we will be without a Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! And, two, why the heck should we wait?! This is just too incredible, too wondrous, too freakin’ awesome to wait on. You all need to see this today. You’re welcome.

Huh? As in, huh?!
Huh? (Click to biggercize.)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Heads Up

Starting this Thursday, the SLPL blog will be going dark again. Former SLPL owner Marcus Rochellle is graduating from University of California, Santa Barbara, and the Family Livernois will be converging there to celebrate. As we did when league leader, Ice Puente owner Alec Puente, graduated in May, we will try to post low-rent standings on this page even though the rest of the website will not be updated until the following Tuesday. So, heads up.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Sunday Morning WTF?! Obey

This defies commentary. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, all powerful and all knowing eternal Entity. You can’t want this, can you?!


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, All Powerful Entity?!? You Can’t Want This, Can You?
Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Full (Blues) Music Library On Random, Day 7

In honor of Chicago’s Blues Festival, taking place this weekend, I have restricted my random go-deep playlist to the genre of the blues variety. Today, I’m showing the first 20. How-how-how-how.

June 09 Playlist
June 9nd Playlist (Click to enlargenate.)


Don’t have time to get to observations, but this looks like a damn fine playlist. And I see that former league owner
Tom Kinchus’ friend, Johnny Badlaw. made the list. That’s cool.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

ICYMI: Some Things Can't Wait 'Til Sunday

In case you missed it … a blog first, repeating an entry the day after we first posted it … because you really don’t want to miss this …

Regular readers will wonder why I didn’t wait until Sunday to post this picture in the wildly popular “Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot,” and I can’t really blame them for wondering. But when you come across a picture like this, you don’t dilly-dally around and wait several days to post it. No, you take immediate action and make every effort to permanently burn it into the eyeballs of every person you know. As in, once you see it you can’t un-see it, no matter how badly you want to wash it from your mind. Because if you have to have it burned into your eyeballs, why not share the pain?

There’s so much concerning about this picture -- seriously, the one and only thing
right about this picture is that the lake isn’t filled with blood instead of water -- but I’m going to focus on just one very concerning thing: The piper on the left? Is he giving birth through his belly button? Or, is there someone off camera walking around who is missing a fist after snapping it off while digging for lose change in that belly button? What the HELL is that?! Holy crumbly, I’m tasting last night’s dinner in the back of my throat. I’m gonna hurl. I better hit “publish” before I lose it.

Balloon Head
Huh? (Click to enlarge. If you dare.)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Some Things Can't Wait 'Til Sunday

Regular readers will wonder why I didn’t wait until Sunday to post this picture in the wildly popular “Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot,” and I can’t really blame them for wondering. But when you come across a picture like this, you don’t dilly-dally around and wait several days to post it. No, you take immediate action and make every effort to permanently burn it into the eyeballs of every person you know. As in, once you see it you can’t un-see it, no matter how badly you want to wash it from your mind. Because if you have to have it burned into your eyeballs, why not share the pain?

There’s so much concerning about this picture -- seriously, the one and only thing
right about this picture is that the lake isn’t filled with blood instead of water -- but I’m going to focus on just one very concerning thing: The piper on the left? Is he giving birth through his belly button? Or, is there someone off camera walking around who is missing a fist after snapping it off while digging for lose change in that belly button? What the HELL is that?! Holy crumbly, I’m tasting last night’s dinner in the back of my throat. I’m gonna hurl. I better hit “publish” before I lose it.

Balloon Head
Huh? (Click to enlarge. If you dare.)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Sometimes You're The Dog...

…and sometimes you’re the cat. Given my drop in the standings, today I’m the cat.

q6AiF
My Life. I’m the Cat.


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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How Paralysis Is Created, Option 2

Hey, didn’t Paul Simon write a song about this?

animated_dock_disaster
Slip Slidin’ Away


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Punk?!?!

The following gem comes courtesy of Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelley, who said, “Check this out -- I immediately thought ‘WTF!’” What the foxtrot, indeed, Joe? In what possible solar system and during what era could this collection be considered, with even the loosest definition of the word, “punk”?


Got one! Try this.

It’s the 1980s. The planet is Earth. The country is the United States. The sappy-ass song compilers in the music industry challenge their advertising agency to come up with a way to market their latest collection of vapid songs, a collection of “hits” recorded during the worst era of recorded music history … songs that only made it to the top of the charts because, well, frankly, in the cesspool of sh*tty songs, some sh*tty songs
had to float to the top of the charts. So the advertising agency, knowing that it has to sell this drivel to dimwits who would’t know the first thing about actual good music but who want to believe they are cool anyway, decide to try to associate the collection with an era of actual good music that has recently passed, punk. And because the advertising agency is dealing with music industry people responsible for turning out this vomitous mass of songs in the first place and who is unaware that punk was, like, you know, legit and not just some cool marketing concept, pitches an idea to the sappy-ass song compilers and, boom, you have a commercial that associates Crowded House, Erasure, Toni Basil, Huey Lewis and the News, Madness, The Human League, Thompson Tunes, Greg Kihn Band, Culture Club, Quarterflash, and The Escape Club with “punk.” The only thing that would have made it more WTF-worthy was if Tears for Fears had been included on this compilation. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Sappy Ass Song Compilers?! Punk?!?!
I Mean, Seriously, WTF?!


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Full Music Library On Random, Day 6

On my continuing quest to plumb the depths of my music library, today’s playlist:

June 2nd Playlist
June 2nd Playlist (Click for biggerize.)


Random observations:

  • Always a Spoon fan, though they somehow don’t make it into my regular playlist. I have no explanation.
  • Love the Grateful Dead and all (okay, at times), and this jam has some especially tasty jam guitar, but I’m always put off by the quality of the live recordings.
  • The Cult’s interpretation of this Steppenwolf classic is sweet. But if I’m driving, I’m sticking to the original.
  • Speaking of tasty guitar jams, Santana. Yep.
  • Equivel!!! Space Age Bachelor Pad Music!!! Mad Men needs more Space Age Bachelor Pad Music. That’s all I’m saying.
  • I agree with Rolling Stone’s assessment of this Booker T. & The M.G.’s song. It’s a gimme on their list of top 500 songs.
  • The beats-per-minute listed on this Blink 182 song is 154. I think that’s low. If I had a playlist for running (i.e., if I ran), this song would be on it.
  • Speaking of tasty jam guitar and quality live recording, Stevie Ray! First band I ever saw live at an actual concert (he opened for the Moody Blues in 1983 … explain that).
  • The Doves … this is one of those bands I really thought was gonna hit big. I’m bummed I was wrong about that prediction.
  • I never figured Norfolk & Western would hit big, but I love this band big time. I dig their mix of old-timey banjo and heavy Seattle fuzz guitar. Somehow they make it work.


“There Goes the Fear” by The Doves


“A Gilded Age” by Norfolk & Western


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Kemp Down Again; Tulo Goes Down; Halladay Still Down

There’s been a big wave of trading lately with the news that: Matt Kemp is back on the DL after getting off it for two days, Roy Halladay is still on the DL and will be there for a while, and Troy Tulowitzki will be down for a spell.

So, what? Are you gonna stand pat, sit idle, play footsie, and remain apathetic while your fellow owners are shucking the deadweight? Get to it and
make some trades, willya?

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Rammin' the Moves, Take 2

What, ewe aren’t impressed with the way he casts?

ppVdI
Shear Insolence, Take 2


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

How Paralysis Is Created

It is convenient how his name tag stuck to his face rather than falling to the ground so that the coroner can more easily identify him.

gwclm
He Wasn’t That Fond of His Spine, Anyway


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Ramming The Moves

What, ewe aren’t impressed with her dancing?

ewe_arent_impressed
Shear Insolence


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

We're Back!

We’re back! Full standings and stats are posted. Icepuente’s Sun Devils owner Alec Puente is all graduamated and getting ready to attend ASU. And we’re still nursing our hangovers. It’s been a long week.

Rube Furrow, Vinnie Livernois and Alec Puente
Rube Furrow, Vinnie Livernois, and Alec Puente (Click to biggerize.)


The Cake
The Cake (Click to biggenate.)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 5-26

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 5/25.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
8B Chupacabras,1050,-309,-125,321,937,
7D The Bearded Dragons,1020,-305,-145,334,904,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,1020,-337,-125,311,869,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,1050,-343,-150,311,868,
4B Skeeters Ringers,940,-278,-145,334,851,
2A Guao Wee!,1030,-318,-145,280,847,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,1000,-320,-160,295,815,
3B Krukow's Fever,960,-310,-155,306,801,
6E Dongwhipped,920,-305,-135,318,798,
4E Deeger's Dogs,940,-295,-150,302,797,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,900,-283,-140,311,788,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,900,-319,-105,308,784,
2C Scoots Bigelow,910,-303,-130,304,781,
7A Kempin' It Real!,950,-351,-130,308,777,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,930,-291,-150,287,776,
7C The Strokes,860,-279,-115,309,775,
1A Pepino Monos,930,-282,-165,287,770,
4A Full Circuits,940,-351,-140,315,764,
3D Valley Bombers,890,-287,-145,306,764,
3A Highlanders,890,-308,-140,315,757,
3E Bauer's Bandits,850,-288,-135,315,742,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,890,-276,-150,273,737,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,820,-273,-100,282,729,
2F Towers of Terror,900,-349,-140,315,726,
6B Speaking Frankly,890,-334,-125,293,724,
5F The Howards,880,-350,-115,308,723,
1E This League Still Blow,850,-312,-120,303,721,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,870,-300,-155,306,721,
1D Dodgerless,900,-353,-170,332,709,
8E Tres Caballeros,850,-329,-125,313,709,
2D The Pathetics,840,-309,-115,289,705,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,760,-245,-120,303,698,
7B Dodger Blue,840,-340,-125,321,696,
7F The Pork Bellys,860,-313,-140,281,688,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,870,-316,-115,240,679,
2B Washington Bullets,800,-261,-150,281,670,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,800,-307,-135,304,662,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,810,-329,-120,300,661,
2E ANF 2012,770,-324,-90,305,661,
6D Bats in my Beltre,760,-243,-150,287,654,
6C Southside Laymen,780,-298,-145,314,651,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,720,-260,-110,297,647,
8C Moyer! The Musical,800,-331,-155,329,643,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,750,-297,-90,261,624,
4C Cabbage Farmers,700,-302,-130,312,580,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,740,-337,-125,300,578,
1C Triple Crown,720,-286,-80,207,561,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,660,-318,-170,259,431,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 5-25

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 5/25.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
8B Chupacabras,1020,-303,-115,314,916,
7D The Bearded Dragons,980,-299,-130,323,874,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,970,-329,-115,304,830,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,1000,-334,-140,301,827,
2A Guao Wee!,1000,-313,-140,276,823,
4B Skeeters Ringers,900,-271,-130,323,822,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,960,-312,-150,285,783,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,880,-277,-125,298,776,
7A Kempin' It Real!,930,-343,-120,301,768,
6E Dongwhipped,880,-297,-120,305,768,
4E Deeger's Dogs,900,-289,-145,298,764,
3B Krukow's Fever,910,-303,-140,295,762,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,860,-311,-100,305,754,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,900,-286,-145,283,752,
3D Valley Bombers,870,-281,-140,300,749,
1A Pepino Monos,900,-278,-150,276,748,
7C The Strokes,820,-273,-115,309,741,
4A Full Circuits,900,-343,-135,311,733,
2C Scoots Bigelow,850,-295,-120,292,727,
3A Highlanders,840,-301,-135,311,715,
3E Bauer's Bandits,820,-282,-130,306,714,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,780,-264,-95,279,700,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,840,-294,-140,293,699,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,850,-268,-145,260,697,
5F The Howards,840,-341,-100,298,697,
2D The Pathetics,820,-300,-110,286,696,
1E This League Still Blow,820,-307,-120,303,696,
2F Towers of Terror,860,-342,-135,311,694,
6B Speaking Frankly,850,-326,-125,293,692,
8E Tres Caballeros,820,-323,-125,313,685,
1D Dodgerless,860,-346,-155,321,680,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,730,-241,-120,303,672,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,850,-310,-115,239,664,
7F The Pork Bellys,830,-309,-135,275,661,
7B Dodger Blue,790,-328,-115,314,661,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,780,-303,-125,297,649,
2B Washington Bullets,760,-257,-145,277,635,
6D Bats in my Beltre,730,-239,-145,283,629,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,770,-322,-120,300,628,
6C Southside Laymen,750,-294,-140,310,626,
2E ANF 2012,720,-312,-80,296,624,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,690,-256,-105,291,620,
8C Moyer! The Musical,760,-324,-140,318,614,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,700,-287,-85,251,579,
4C Cabbage Farmers,680,-293,-115,299,571,
1C Triple Crown,690,-278,-80,207,539,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,690,-325,-120,294,539,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,650,-312,-165,248,421,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 5-24

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 5/24.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
8B Chupacabras,980,-298,-100,303,885,
7D The Bearded Dragons,930,-294,-115,312,833,
4B Skeeters Ringers,870,-267,-115,312,800,
2A Guao Wee!,960,-303,-125,264,796,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,960,-328,-135,295,792,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,910,-323,-100,292,779,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,930,-306,-140,272,756,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,850,-270,-120,292,752,
3D Valley Bombers,850,-275,-125,289,739,
6E Dongwhipped,840,-291,-105,294,738,
7A Kempin' It Real!,890,-338,-105,290,737,
4E Deeger's Dogs,860,-281,-130,287,736,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,870,-278,-125,265,732,
3B Krukow's Fever,870,-295,-120,277,732,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,830,-307,-85,294,732,
1A Pepino Monos,860,-268,-140,271,723,
7C The Strokes,790,-266,-100,298,722,
4A Full Circuits,860,-338,-120,300,702,
3A Highlanders,810,-294,-120,300,696,
3E Bauer's Bandits,790,-276,-120,301,695,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,750,-253,-90,272,679,
2C Scoots Bigelow,790,-289,-105,281,677,
1E This League Still Blow,790,-303,-105,292,674,
2D The Pathetics,790,-297,-95,275,673,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,820,-262,-135,247,670,
8E Tres Caballeros,800,-318,-120,307,669,
5F The Howards,800,-337,-85,287,665,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,800,-288,-135,287,664,
6B Speaking Frankly,810,-318,-105,275,662,
2F Towers of Terror,820,-338,-120,300,662,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,700,-233,-105,292,654,
1D Dodgerless,820,-338,-150,314,646,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,820,-305,-105,234,644,
7F The Pork Bellys,800,-305,-130,269,634,
7B Dodger Blue,740,-320,-100,303,623,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,750,-300,-120,291,621,
2B Washington Bullets,720,-249,-120,268,619,
6D Bats in my Beltre,700,-231,-125,265,609,
2E ANF 2012,690,-304,-70,291,607,
6C Southside Laymen,720,-287,-135,304,602,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,660,-248,-100,285,597,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,730,-316,-100,282,596,
8C Moyer! The Musical,730,-319,-130,307,588,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,670,-278,-75,246,563,
4C Cabbage Farmers,660,-290,-100,288,558,
1C Triple Crown,670,-271,-75,201,525,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,660,-316,-105,283,522,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,640,-306,-165,248,417,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 5-23

Here are the low-rent Overall standings for games played through 5/23.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
8B Chupacabras,960,-297,-95,296,864,
7D The Bearded Dragons,910,-292,-110,305,813,
2A Guao Wee!,960,-303,-120,257,794,
4B Skeeters Ringers,860,-266,-110,305,789,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,950,-327,-135,295,783,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,880,-320,-95,285,750,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,920,-305,-140,272,747,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,830,-268,-115,285,732,
7A Kempin' It Real!,880,-336,-100,283,727,
6E Dongwhipped,830,-290,-100,287,727,
4E Deeger's Dogs,850,-281,-125,280,724,
1A Pepino Monos,860,-267,-140,271,724,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,820,-304,-80,287,723,
3B Krukow's Fever,860,-295,-120,277,722,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,860,-278,-125,265,722,
3D Valley Bombers,830,-274,-120,282,718,
7C The Strokes,780,-265,-95,291,711,
4A Full Circuits,850,-335,-115,293,693,
3E Bauer's Bandits,780,-274,-115,294,685,
3A Highlanders,800,-294,-115,293,684,
1E This League Still Blow,790,-302,-100,285,673,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,740,-250,-85,265,670,
2C Scoots Bigelow,780,-288,-105,281,668,
8E Tres Caballeros,800,-317,-115,300,668,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,800,-287,-135,287,665,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,810,-261,-135,247,661,
2D The Pathetics,770,-294,-95,275,656,
6B Speaking Frankly,800,-317,-100,268,651,
5F The Howards,780,-335,-85,287,647,
2F Towers of Terror,800,-336,-115,293,642,
7F The Pork Bellys,800,-304,-130,269,635,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,680,-232,-100,285,633,
1D Dodgerless,800,-337,-145,307,625,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,800,-304,-105,234,625,
7B Dodger Blue,730,-317,-95,296,614,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,740,-299,-120,291,612,
2B Washington Bullets,710,-249,-120,268,609,
6D Bats in my Beltre,690,-231,-125,265,599,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,660,-247,-100,285,598,
2E ANF 2012,680,-302,-65,284,597,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,710,-314,-95,275,576,
6C Southside Laymen,690,-284,-130,297,573,
8C Moyer! The Musical,710,-318,-125,300,567,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,660,-277,-75,246,554,
4C Cabbage Farmers,650,-289,-100,288,549,
1C Triple Crown,670,-269,-70,194,525,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,650,-315,-100,276,511,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,630,-302,-160,241,409,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Low-Rent Standings for Games thru 5-22

As mentioned yesterday, we can’t update the full website while we are traveling. But we are hoping this low-rent version of the Overall standings will tide you all over in the meantime.

Name,HR,K,HR,K,Total,
8B Chupacabras,920,-290,-95,296,831,
7D The Bearded Dragons,900,-285,-110,305,810,
4B Skeeters Ringers,830,-262,-110,305,763,
2A Guao Wee!,920,-297,-120,257,760,
6F Icepuente’s Sun Devils,920,-321,-135,295,759,
3F The Nicolas Cagers,860,-311,-95,285,739,
5B Pesky’s Aphids,890,-301,-140,272,721,
6E Dongwhipped,800,-286,-100,287,701,
6A Kershawshank Redemptio,790,-260,-115,285,700,
8A Cameltowing, Inc.,790,-299,-80,287,698,
3B Krukow's Fever,830,-291,-120,277,696,
7A Kempin' It Real!,840,-332,-100,283,691,
4E Deeger's Dogs,810,-274,-125,280,691,
5D $2Bil4theselosers?,820,-271,-125,265,689,
7C The Strokes,750,-263,-95,291,683,
4A Full Circuits,830,-328,-115,293,680,
1A Pepino Monos,810,-262,-135,267,680,
3D Valley Bombers,780,-268,-120,282,674,
3E Bauer's Bandits,760,-268,-115,294,671,
2C Scoots Bigelow,760,-282,-100,277,655,
1E This League Still Blow,760,-299,-95,281,647,
5C Guzzlyn Suds,710,-247,-80,262,645,
8E Tres Caballeros,770,-313,-115,300,642,
3A Highlanders,750,-290,-115,293,638,
4F Hostile Mobs of Minecr,780,-259,-135,247,633,
5F The Howards,760,-329,-85,287,633,
4D Carrboro T-Birds,760,-281,-135,287,631,
6B Speaking Frankly,770,-310,-100,268,628,
2D The Pathetics,740,-287,-95,267,625,
7F The Pork Bellys,780,-297,-130,269,622,
2F Towers of Terror,770,-329,-115,293,619,
3C F' cryin' out loud!!,650,-227,-95,281,609,
7B Dodger Blue,710,-311,-95,296,600,
1D Dodgerless,760,-328,-140,297,589,
7E Screaming Scoregasms,760,-297,-100,224,587,
6D Bats in my Beltre,670,-226,-125,265,584,
1B Rio Nuevo Grunion Runn,700,-292,-115,279,572,
2E ANF 2012,650,-300,-65,284,569,
5A Sandyeggo Tripper's,630,-247,-100,285,568,
2B Washington Bullets,660,-243,-115,264,566,
1F Cruzin up ur Pujols,690,-308,-95,275,562,
6C Southside Laymen,660,-277,-125,293,551,
8C Moyer! The Musical,680,-312,-125,300,543,
5E Cain I Lincecum In Ur,630,-276,-75,246,525,
4C Cabbage Farmers,620,-285,-100,288,523,
1C Triple Crown,640,-266,-65,190,499,
8F Chupa mi Pena!,620,-313,-100,276,483,
8D Reno's Thinly Veiled,610,-295,-160,241,396,

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

|

We're Going Dark

The Santa Lechuga Power League brain trust -- which is a really funny phrase to use when referring to this group, when you think about it -- is convening for an emergency meeting in Phoenix, AZ, for the next several days to discuss the rapid rise of Icepuente’s Sun Devils owner Alec Puente. And by “rapid rise,” we don’t mean anything nefarious like he used illegal means to take over 4th place in the Overall standings or anything like that. No, we mean, “Holy crap! Alec’s graduating high school?!?! Where did all that time go? Our little nephew is all growed up. Schmoly!” That means the SLPL website is likely going black between now and next Monday. What do we mean by likely? Well, read on…

We can’t promise anything, but we’ll try to at least post the Overall Standings on this here home page every day. (That would mean we won’t be updating any other page on the site.) Though it won’t be the full-featured site to which you have become accustomed, it’s something. Wish us luck. And if we’re not successful posting to this page, just hang loose ’til next Monday, when everything should be up and running again.

Alec, It’s No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk
Alec, It’s No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk (Click to embiggenate.)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

A Pool Of Pure, Unadulturated Joy

The thing that ticks me off about this is that I asked him to stop the damn video camera before I jumped in the pool … and he promised that he did. Now it’s all over the Intertubes.

0W3yV


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Sunday Morning WTF?! Kempin' It Real…Creepy!

Okay, so maybe we should not have asked for pictures. While we originally believed that Kempin' It Real!’s owner Kyle Harmon was headed to Vegas to tie the knot to his fiancé, Samantha, it turns out this was Kyle’s bachelor party weekend … and he’s celebrating with last year’s champ Brandon Olivarria, owner of Chupa mi Pena!, and current league leader Tyler Shaddy, owner of Chupacabras. So instead of beautiful wedding photos, we end up with pictures like this:

Tyler, Kyle, and Brandon, Hanging with a Little Person in a Top Hat
Tyler, Kyle, and Brandon, Hanging with a Little Person in a Top Hat
(Clickenate to embiggenate.)


And, more creepily, pictures like this:

WTF, Kyle and Your Bachelor Party Crew?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!
WTF, Kyle and Your Bachelor Party Crew?!?! I Mean, Seriously, WTF?!?!
(Click to enlarge, if you dare.)


There are about 316 things wrong with this photo, but let’s just concentrate on #264: That horse. It’s a guy. Never mind Brandon is getting ready to punch a 17 foot tall gorilla that’s been cropped out of the picture (#82 of What’s Wrong with this Picture). Never mind Tyler’s peace sign and Kyle’s pointed finger (#205). Never mind that everyone’s eyes looks like Edgar Winter’s at a paparazzi convention (#54). Just look at the horse. Let’s call him Ed. And check out who Ed is checking out. Don’t you get the feeling that, if things progress any faster, Ed is not going to let Kyle marry Samantha in June? That horse seriously gives me the willies.

But, okay, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, #1 on our list: If our heroes are so into horses, couldn’t they have least gone to a club that featured fillies? WTF, Kyle and your bachelor party crew?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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|

Full Music Library On Random, Day 5

Today’s playlist:

May 19th Playlist
May 19th Playlist (Click for expandinate.)


Random observations:

  • The Silver Jews … the guy can’t sing worth a damn, but: (1) he doesn’t try to, (2) he’s wry as hell, (3) he tells a hell of a story. Works for me.
  • Hey, I think I heard that the NATO protesters in Chicago were playing this Bad Religion song. “This is the way of the modern world | Everyone's fighting for dominance | This is the way of the modern world | And something's gotta give.”
  • Apparent user error. This Immaculate Machine album should be in my regular playlist. Love it.
  • Pearl Jam! “Cowabunga!”
  • Hey, I think I heard that the NATO protesters in Chicago were playing this Police song. “Now if I tell you that you suffer from delusions | You pay your analyst to reach the same conclusions | You live your life like a canary in a coalmine | You get so dizzy even walking in a straight line.”
  • It’s Saturday morning and the Pixies are playing through my speakers. It’s a good Saturday morning. (Tip of the ball cap to Reno's Thinly Veiled Hatred For Californians owner Josh Livernois for turning me onto those guys way back when.)
  • It’s Saturday morning and Dire Straits are playing through my speakers. It’s a good Saturday morning.
  • Had they been more popular, I probably would have detested Haircut 100 as much as I do Tears for Fears. Instead, they’re an interesting musical diversion that’s kind of catchy in a nostalgic sort of way.
  • Did Aretha Franklin ever sing a bad song? I mean, has she ever sung a song that didn’t sound better because she was singing it? And I say this as a lover of Elton John’s original. Man.
  • Not their best, but this Rogue Wave song is a decent listen. I’ve always wondered why these guys didn’t hit it big.





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Kempin's Harmon Maybe Gettin' Hitched

Kempin' It Real!’s owner Kyle Harmon, one of the league’s more active owners, is getting married this weekend in Vegas. At least we think he is. Given that Chupacabras owner Tyler Shaddy and Chupa mi Pena! owner Brandon Olivarria are supposed to be present to “witness” the event, our sense is that it’s just as likely that Kyle, Tyler, and Brandon will have a Hunter S. Thompson/Oscar Zeta Acosta-inspired weekend that involves road trips, bats, and flooded hotel rooms. Kyle’s fiancé, meanwhile, will be left to wonder why they ever agreed on Vegas as the destination location to share their vows. Or, why they ever thought to invite Tyler and Brandon to the wedding.

We here at the SLPL are hoping that doesn’t happen. Instead, we want to hear all about how beautiful the wedding was, how radiant the bride looked, how responsible and upstanding the groom was, and what a wonderful, responsible time all those in attendance had. (Which is to say: Tyler, Brandon, don’t blow this for Kyle! And send pictures!)

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*One* Of The Best?!?

Congratulations to Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelly for recently receiving the following Readers’ Choice Award from the Kane County Chronicle in St. Charles, IL. We don’t know why the readers couldn’t just commit and say “Best” instead of “One of the Best,” but we’ll just rectify the situation here by saying, definitively, that Joe Kelly is, without a doubt, no questions asked, no objections rendered, “The Single Best Lawyer, Hands Down, Who Participates in the Santa Lechuga Power League.” The certificate is in the mail.

There. Done. Next?

Joe Kelly

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Matt Kemp on 15-Day DL!!!

He hasn’t been hitting lately, anyway, but it’s worth noting that Matt Kemp is on the 15-Day DL. That’s right, the most ubiquitous hitter on SLPL rosters is on the DL. What are you going to do about it? Sit idle for the next two weeks and lose points? Or trade the mofo? Do something!


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Oh, Deer!

This reminds me of that old Saturday Night Live closing skit where Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, and Garrett Morris -- all dressed as deer -- were trying to cross the road. “Yeah, well, I can't wait all day. I'm going.”

1311591181_deer_accident_dashcam_footage
“Yeah, well, I can't wait all day. I'm going.”

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Take That, Stupid Kid!

This cat isn’t going to fall for that stupid trick again. Ever.

abd-243-b
Take That, Stupid Kid!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTH?! Happy Mother's Day!

As we have in seasons past, we have decided to be respectful to all the mothers in this league for at least one day of the season by renaming our regular Sunday series “Sunday Morning WTF?!” in honor of Mother’s Day to “Sunday Morning WTH?!?!” As in, “What the heck?!” Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers!

We have also decided to revive a league favorite, which ScootTucky Plow owner
Scott “Scoot Bigs” Allen reported on last season. Scott said that it is a tradition in his country of origin to celebrate Mother’s Day by dancing around a scooter. We didn’t believe him until we dug up this video on the Interwebs. (BTW, Scoot’s the one wearing jorts.) Whiskey?! Tango?! Hotel?!, strange dancing kids? I mean, seriously, WTH?!


Whiskey?! Tango?! Hotel?! Strange Dancing Boys? I Mean, Seriously, WTH?!
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Full Music Library On Random, Day 4

Continuing my efforts to plumb the depths of my full music library every Saturday, here’s today’s playlist:

May 12 Playlist
May 12th Playlist (Click for expandinate.)


Random observations on a random playlist:

  • The Dr. Dre song isn’t really a song. It’s more, uh, audio porn. Kiddies, wait ’til you’re 18 to listen. Or maybe until you’re 46. Or maybe never.
  • The Marilyn Manson song isn’t the best off this album, but it’s unmistakably Marilyn Manson. “This is what you should fear | You are what you should fear.” Check.
  • I always thought the “The Best of Tears for Fears” CD should be blank. Seriously, I cannot describe just how much I despise this band … and this song only enhances my despisaton. What the hell is it doing in my library?
  • This Antonio Aguilar song should have been the first song on last week’s Cinco de Mayo playlist. Takes me back to my Imperial Valley days.
  • I’ve never been a big Elvis fan, but that’s more a function of me being me than it is sound commentary on his music. This is a hoppin’ little number.
  • T-Bone Walker’s “T-Bone Blues” take me back to late-80’s B.L.U.E.S. on North Halsted in Chicago. I love following the bouncing piano through this song.
  • The Lester Flatt, Earl Scruggs & The Foggy Mountain Boys song is exactly what you’d expect a Foggy Mountain Boys song to be. Pretty fun.
  • When I hear him now, it always surprises me how much I used to like Alan Parsons and all his various projects. I’m not saying substances may have influenced my previous opinions, but, okay, they may have influenced my previous opinions.
  • Wow, that Harry Chapin song was an intense way to end the playlist. I just listened to it again to make sure I liked it as much the second time. Yep.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Don't Watch This On Acid

Seriously, don’t watch this if you’re doing hallucinogens. Or, if you would rather not feel as though you’re on them.

funny4-1
Look! Art! Whoooooaaaaaaaaa!

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A Night to … Uh … What Was That Again?

I look at a picture like this and I want to believe that the people in the sponsoring organization have a sense of humor. Because, if they don’t, they are a bunch of dumbasses.

Dumbasses
Sponsored By Who? (Click to embiggenate.)

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If You Don't Have Josh Hamilton On Your Roster...

You have some ‘splainin’ to do.

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I Would Be Kicking Too

Before feeling sorry for Esperanza Furrow, SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow’s wife, you must focus on those sleeve gloves she’s wearing. Yeah. See, those arms are going more-than-elbow deep where you think they might be going. So if you are a cow or steer and you see Esperanza wearing shoulder-length gloves, you put two and two together and, at the very next opportunity, you give the ol’ broad a good, old fashioned whack. Tell me you wouldn’t. (Incidentally, that is Rube in the background. True to form, he doesn’t help his wife at all but instead makes room for her to fully complete her fall.)

abd-234
Take Off the Gloves, Esperanza!

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Dragons' Bronson In First; Who The Hell Is This Guy?!

Josh Bronson (a.k.a., Grizzly MacDonald) is a rookie owner recruited by Joshua Livernois, owner of Reno's Thinly Veiled Hatred For Californians. Three days ago, his Bearded Dragons moved into 1st place in the Overall Standings. His Dragons are tied for 2nd place in the Hitting Standings and are in 10th place in the Pitching Standings. It’s an impressive little run for a rookie owner, but the biggest questions league owners are asking is: Who the hell is this guy?! So, what do we know about Josh Bronson? Who has dirt on him? What sort of rumors do you hear? More importantly, what sort of dirt or rumors can we start about this guy that will make him want take a dive and open up the top spot for one of us veteran owners? Anyone? Anyone?

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Full Music Library On Random, Day 3

Here are the first ten songs -- plus an appropriate bonus song -- in my quest to plumb the depths of my full music library every Satruday:

May 5 Playlist
May 5th Playlist (Click for expandinate.)


Random observations on a random playlist:

  • This is a dopey song, but Faster Pussycat is a fun, dopey band. I might have to throw an album or two of the Pussycat into my regular playlist for a month or two.
  • I love Van Morrison and all, but songs like this fall into the category “yeah, that sounds pretty much indistinguishable from most Van Morrison songs.” Besides, I prefer the two songs that feature Mark Knopfler off that album.
  • Regarding this Chicago song, duplicate the first sentence in the previous bullet and replace “Van Morrison” with “Chicago’s earlier songs” and you’ll get how I feel about this song.
  • Down home blues is what this Corey Harris & Henrey Bulter album is … and damned if it don’t sound good.
  • Oh. Nice follow-up from previous song. Any band that can said to have influenced the Blues Brothers is welcome on my playlist.
  • Take the title of this Grateful Dead song and you’ll know how I have felt about the Grateful Dead a lot of times; it must be a “I accidentally listened to them when I was sober” thing. But I do like this little ditty, even on a sober Saturday morning.
  • Back in my college days, I didn’t want anything to do with Goth. But, damn, listening to this Echo & the Bunnymen song, I think I missed out.
  • Suze! The Decemberists!
  • Vince! Vincente Fernandez! (Nice that it showed up for Cinco de Mayo.)
  • Is it just me or does Sex Pistols music sound a lot tamer and conventional today than it did when it first came out?
  • Glad the Beastie Boys came within shouting distance of my first ten songs after yesterday’s sad news.




Standings:
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Now We Are Headlong Into the Season

The first month of the MLB season is in the books and the Santa Lechuga Power League is shaping up quite nicely, thankyouverymuch. With 87 $5 Trades and $435 added to The Pot, we have bumped the payouts for champs for Hitting, Pitching, Power-Hitting Pitchers, Playoffs, Hall-of-Fame Death Pool, and All-Star to $125, which, to be honest, is some decent coin. And now that the $10 Trade is in effect until the end of the All-Star break, we can only hope that a Matt Kemp or a Clayton Kershaw or both go down with a debilitating injury that puts them on the DL for an extended stay. A sweet injury like that, in case you’re wondering why would hope for such things, prompts owners to make trades to stay competitive, which beefs up our Pot and makes our payouts that much sweeter. So, here’s hoping.

Good luck for the next part of our season. If you submitted a $5 trade before the deadline that’s not reflected in the
trades or rosters, please let us know ASAP. We don’t want to have missed something.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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$10 Trade Now In Effect

10 buck trade

The $10 Trade is now in effect and will be until the All-Star break is over. Get used to it.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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The $5 Trade Is Nearly Gone

$5 Trade

In roughly an hour-and-a-half, the $5 Trade will be kaput; $10 Trades will then be in effect. Take a few minutes and submit your trades before today's first pitch to get the most trade value for the buck.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Trade Justifications and Other Observations - Part 3

Evan Longoria is down for 4-to-8 weeks and owners are already dropping him like a bad smoking habit. Here are owners’ justifications for our most recent trading:
  • "I'm making this trade to drop the dead weight. Stanton is playing like the team he supposedly plays for, MIA. I need the dogs to start hitting the long ball!" ~Mark Olivarria, Dodger Blue
  • "We are sending him down to our minor league affiliate, El Chicharrons in Guadalajara, Jalisco, where he shall remain until he hits HRs (or this league starts tracking put-outs). Miguel Cabrera joins the squad, and this guy knows how to party. Drinking scotch from the bottle during a DUI arrest? Bold and daring! We plan on keeping Miggy and Josh Hamilton as far apart as humanly possible." ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys
  • "Because Adrian will hit 3 out after I make this trade." ~ Jack Tripp, Sandyeggo Tripper's
  • "Need someone who isn't a 22-year-old geriatric" ~Kyle Harmon, Kempin' It Real
  • "Just heard Longoria out 4-8 wks. Just missing getting those three knocks from Braun. Hope he keeps raking." ~ Brian Thornburg, Carrboro T-Birds
  • "Expected Longoria to have a break-out year, now that he is broken I don't want the trade to break my bank -- go $5 trades!!" ~ Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers
And here are a couple other observations:
  • "For some inexplicable reason that we cannot put our finger (or needles) on, Albert Pujols has seemingly lost his ability to hit home runs. Not sure what he could do to ‘inject’ more ‘juice’ into his bat, but ever since he has become an Angel his power is gone. A guy averaging an HR every 14.3 at bats now has none in 19 games? We are not saying he has changed anything to protect that new contract or his legacy, but we are implying that he might not be using PEDs anymore." ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys
  • "I hate this fricking league..." ~Dan Klinkhamer, This League Still Blows
  • "I'll probably spend all my trades/cash and still end up in the basement. This league blows. Still." ~Brian Thornburg, Carrboro T-Birds
The $5 Trade ends tomorrow. Trade before the first pitch of the first game tomorrow to make sure you get the five dollar variety.

$5 Trade
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$5 Trade On Countdown Clock, Part 3

$5 Trade

As I type, only 2 days, 1 hour, and 45 minutes are left to make $5 Trades; then the price goes up to $10 until the end of the All-Star Break. We already have some trades trickling in. Brian Thornburg, owner of Carrboro T-Birds, threw down on four trades yesterday after having already made four trades so far this season, so he is the first owner this year to earn a free trade; he’ll be able to cash that in any time this season, including the last month of the season when trades cost $20.

BTW, just so you know, heads up, for the record, the following rostered-players are on the
Disabled List:

  • Cliff Lee
  • Jacoby Ellsbury
  • Lance Berkman
  • Ryan Howard
  • Chris Young
You know, just in case you want to shuck the dead weight from your roster between now and when the $5 Trade ends. So get to studying your roster and figuring out who you need to unload.

Yesterday's Points
Yesterday’s Points


Finally, we have recently added a new page to the website that may help you navigate the day-to-days in the league.
Yesterday’s Points shows the points earned by each team on the previous day.

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$5 Trade On Countdown Clock, Part 2

$5 Trade

With a little over 3 days and 2 hours left until the $5 Trade goes all “Adios, MFers” for the 2012 season, now is as good a time as any to talk a bit about the $5 Trade.

  • Unless you have earned a free trade, the $5 Trade is the cheapest trade you’ll make this season. Duh!, right?
  • A good $5 Trade now will net you a good five months of production out the player your trade for. Duh!, right?
  • Remember, if you make five paid trades, you get one free trade that can be used any time until the Regular Season is over. That means five $5 Trades will earn you a free $20 Trade if you use the free trade during the last month of the season.
Surely you know how you’re doing in the standings, right? Surely you know who on your roster is dragging you down. Things aren’t out of reach yet. Make some trades between now and Thursday noon EST deadline and you can right the ship right quick.

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Sunday Morning WTF?! Tom Thibodeau

With one minute, 22 seconds remaining, 12 points up. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Tom Thibodeau?! Seriously, WTF?!

rose_out
Derick Rose Out (Photo courtesy GossipOnThis.com.)

Standings:
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Full Music Library On Random, Day 2

Here are the first ten songs for Day 2 in my effort to hear more stuff in my music library on Saturdays:

My April 28 Playlist
My April 28 Playlist (Click for largenation.)


Random observations:

  • There appears to be supernatural theme going on in this playlist. “Dear God,” “Hell’s Bells,” “Have A Little Faith In Me,” and MC 900 ft Jesus.
  • I love that XTC song. The video is a bit dopey, but the song is great.
  • Is “Higher Love” one of those place-and-time songs, or what? Steve Winwood will never be upgraded to my regular playlist again, but his album Back In The High Life got a lot of spins on CD player way back when.
  • Don’t know if you know this, but Jeff Beck is a pretty good guitar player.
  • That Rolling Stones song, I created a ringtone for it. I haven’t assigned it to anyone yet, so don’t cross me.
  • Love and Rockets is a great ethereal, goth-ish band. I may need to upgrade that album to my regular playlist for a couple months.
  • Joe Cocker is great and all, but I have never been able hear him without thinking of John Belushi’s imitation of him on SNL all those years ago.
  • That may be my favorite Neil Young song after “Keep On Rockin’ In the Free World.” I remember discovering it on my brother Jay’s 8-track player and playing it over and over and over, that and “Cowhirl In the Sand.” Note to self: Add Everyone Knows this is Nowhere to my daily playlist.



“Dear God” by XTC

Standings:
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This Cat Practices Therapeutic Touch

abd-232
This Cat Practices Therapeutic Touch

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$5 Trade On Countdown Clock

The $5 Trade ends soon. (The countdown clock is on the right.) If you have earned a free $5 Trade but do not use when the $10 Trade goes into effect, POOF!, it will be gone. I’m just saying.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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Hoyt Wilhelm: Crappy Power-Hitting Pitcher

Hoyt

On this day in 1952, Giants pitcher Hoyt Wilhelm hit a triple; two days earlier he had hit a home run in his major league debut. Over the next 21 seasons -- which spanned 1,070 games and 432 official at-bats -- Wilhelm never hit another triple or homer. And wouldn’t you know it, after hitting a homer in his first at bat, I kept him on my SLPL Power-Hitting Pitchers rosters every one of those 21 years. That’s how this league is.

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Trade Justifications and Other Observations - Part 2

Josh Hamilton is a popular trade pickup lately. Here are owners’ justifications for our most recent trading:
  • "Naturally, I am sure the prick (Hamilton) will get hurt or go on a bender sometime in the next week!" ~Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
  • "Already afraid of getting buried in the standings..." ~Joe Kelly, Kershawshank Redemption
  • "Cuz I'm a F$&King idiot and didn't take Kemp from day 1." ~David Edison, Cameltowing, Inc.
  • "Sorry Cliff going for the Big Fish." ~ Kyle Harmon, Kempin' It Real!
  • "Pujols is playing like poo." ~ Kyle Harmon, Kempin' It Real!
  • "Cliff Lee is on the DL and Matt Garza might be the best pitcher on the Cubs. Which is kind of like being the tallest midget, but I need the points." David Kohanzo, ANF 2012
  • "I need more points...i am slowly falling back!" ~ Tyler Shaddy, Chupacabras
  • "We felt that swapping Texas Rangers (Beltre for Napoli) was the best move. Had Walker, Texas Ranger been available we would have considered him too. According to a rumor we may have started, Cliff Lee (15 DL) is also a Nickelback fan. Injuries and steroid use we can tolerate, but Nickelback love, even assumed (come'on, he has a soul patch), will get you waived. Good riddance." ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys
And here are a couple other observations:
  • "We acquire Strasberg with baited breathe, as we expect he is once again a candidate for chronic arm detachment and will likely have to be replaced in the future. Matt Garza has been killing our pitching staff. He may be worth the $5 after tonights outing." ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys
We hope these trades work out for our owners. If you want to make a trade, use this here form.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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Baseball's 25 Biggest Unwritten Rules

We normally don’t care for click-thru slideshow webpages, where you have to click your mouse again and again and again to see all the portions of an article or story that would have just as easily fit on a single, printable page. Besides being overly-laborious -- my index finger gets enough exercise clicking my mouse on a normal day of web browsing, thankyouverymuch -- we recognize it for what it is: a blatant effort by those running the website to increase website clicks, which makes the site more lucrative to potential advertisers.

Today, though, we’re making an exception and linking to a click-thru slideshow because, frankly, we think
this one is a pretty good summary of baseball’s unwritten rules.

We here at the SLPL are thinking of coming up with our own set of unwritten rules, but we haven’t made it very far yet. The only rule we have come up with so far is: Don’t cross or in any way malign the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce.

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Sunday Morning WTF?! Two WTFs For the Price Of One (NSFW)

Today we have two WTF?!s for you. The first WTF?! prompted Joe Livernois to change his team name from “Krukow's Fever” to “And Then Aubrey Huff Played Second Base.” Here’s the explanation. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bruce Bochy?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!

Our second WTF?! is the most literal WTF?! we have had since we started the wildly popular Sunday Morning WTF?! You may recall that a year ago we posted this bitchen little video from the bitten little band OK Go!:


WTF? by OK Go!


Now, courtesy of Dongwhipped owner
Kevin Klinkhmaer, we have the video of the “making of.” Some language at the beginning is not safe for work (NSFW), but since it’s Sunday, you shouldn’t be at work anyway, gol durnit. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, OK Go!?!, how do you keep blowing our minds?!


WTF?! OK Go! How do you keep up the bitcheness? I mean, seriously, WTF?!
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Full Music Library On Random

Normally, my music listening is limited to what’s on my iPhone. I fire up a playlist that contains about 16 GBs of music, hit random, and that’s that. Sure, 16 GBs of randomness gives me a good cross-section of music to hear, but I still manage that playlist very carefully, which means that I rarely venture into the rest of my library on my computer. To counter this, I have been trying to make it a point on Saturday’s to hear the rest of the stuff in my library. After removing Christmas music, show tunes, opera, and other stray bits of “why-do-I-have-this-in-my-library?” music, I hit random and hear stuff I rarely hear. Here’s how today’s random playlist began:

My April 21 Playlist
My April 21 Playlist (Click to enlargerate.)


My observations:

  • I love the Jerry Jeff Walker lyrics: “Keep me away from the lawyer | Keep me away from the noose | Keep me away from the businessman | Give me the low-down blues | Stepped on my Gucci shoes.” I wish Todd Snider’s to-be-released album of Walker covers included this song.
  • I think my life will be okay if I never hear another R. Kelly song; his stuff needs to be added to my “why-do-I-have-this-in-my-library?” category.
  • Meanwhile, I think my life would be markedly worse if I never heard another Jimi Hendrix song. This particular jam is incredible.
  • I will never, ever hear “Eye In the Sky” again without thinking about the championship Chicago Bulls era. And that’s cool by me.
  • I believe I need to listen to more Bush. I have had ‘em in my library for a long time but never paid them much attention after the first couple spins. This needs to change.
  • The Kinks are being quintessential Kinks on “Acute Schizophrenia Paranoia Blues.” And that’s cool by me.
  • I liked the Life Aquatic number more than I thought I might.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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Bunny Honey Wears Lettuce Bikini

The Santa Lechuga Power League has nothing to do with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, but we fully support their annual “Dress Up A Super Model in Leafy Greens” campaign, which has something to do with promoting vegetarianism or some such. Heck, we would fully support this campaign if PETA decided to do it weekly. This year’s campaign features Bunny Honey Sheridyn Fisher. We don’t know who she is, but we suspect that that’s sort of besides the point.

Bunny Honey 1
Bunny Honey Sheridyn Fisher (click to embiggenate)


Bunny Honey 2
Bunny Honey Sheridyn Fisher (click to enlargenate)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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Rube Furrow Is Jealous

Commissioner Rube Furrow is furious that he hasn’t gotten the publicity that this guy has gotten. Rube doesn’t just run “monkey style,” he lives his life that way.


Rube Is Jealous
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Devoid Of Dancehall No More

Today we address the extreme lack of dancehall/reggae on this blog by presenting the following video. If dancehall ain’t your thing, move on; we might have some Nickelback or something equally crappy-and-sappy for you tomorrow (though likely not, because I don’t want to alienate The Pork Bellys owner Nate Meyers). But I know there’s at least one other owner in this league that will appreciate this video (I’m looking at you, Reno's Thinly Veiled Hatred For Californians owner Joshua Livernois), so I’m posting it for me and him if no one else. Beware: There are a couple lyrics that are NSFW (but they go by fast enough that your coworkers probably won’t notice).


Major Lazer, Like ‘Damn, How You Do It' With That Rhythm You Got?
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Trade Justifications, Trash Talk, and Other Observations - Part 1

There hasn’t been a boatload of early trading this season, but Jacoby Ellsbury’s recent injury prompted several trades yesterday. Here are some of our owners’ justifications for trading early this season:
  • “Already afraid of getting buried in the standings…” ~Joe Kelly, Kershawshank Redemption
  • “Ditching the strike out king,” ~Kyle Harmon, Kempin’ It Real
  • “Kemp is raking and CGrand won't be as good as last year.” ~Brian Thornburg, Carrboro T-Birds
  • “Ellsbury's arm is in the process of falling off, thus he has been DL’d.” ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys
  • “Ellsbury hurt himself with Brian Wilson.” ~Jack Tripp, Sandyeggo Tripper's
  • “On account of I do not think Ellsbury will hit as many homers on the DL for two months.” ~DJay Andersen, Deeger’s Dogs
  • “Dunn sucks. Uggla is uggla.” ~Jody Lay, Southside Laymen
And here are some other observations or trash talking:
  • “This league, while it doesn't blow, does tend to suck occasionally.” ~Brian Thornburg, Carrboro T-Birds
  • “The Pork Bellys may consider hiring a life coach to make sure Josh Hamilton does not fall off the wagon or throw any balls to our fans in the interest of everyone's safety.” ~Nate Meyers, The Pork Bellys
  • “Go PADRES @ the Dodgers suck.” ~Jack Tripp, Sandyeggo Tripper's
We hope these trades work out for our owners. If you want to make a trade, use this here form.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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The Glacial Start to 2012

I thought I was just imagining things. But no, I was correct: The 2012 season has gotten off to a glacial start. Hitters on SLPL rosters just haven’t been hitting home runs at the pace we have seen in the past. Need proof? Look how many days it took for our SLPL Overall leader to get to 200 points last season.

2011 Past Leaders
First 11 Days of 2011 (click to embiggenate)


Seven days.
Julie Pankoke’s Bauer’s Bandits were sitting at 202 points just seven days into the season last year.

Now look at where we stand today, 11 days into the season:

2012 Past Leaders.jpg
First 11 Days of 2011 (click to enlargenate)


Eleven days in and our leader,
Jim Klinhamer’s Tres Caballeros, still hasn’t hit 200 points.

I’m not complaining. Many teams are less than six home runs away from taking over first place
within their divisions. It’s just odd that things have gotten off to a glacial start this season.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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Sunday Morning WTF?! Slow Motion Eagleowl

I saw the video below for the first time last night. Then I spent all my “quality” REM sleep running away from this damn thing.

Eagleowl: Those eyes! Those claws! Run!


What puts it over the top for me -- besides the fact that it looks like it shapeshifts into about seven different scary creatures within a minute -- is the silence as this things moves slowly to rip out my thorax. (Watch this video on the highest quality your connection can handle … and full-screen. Totally worthy.) Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Eagleowl?! Seriously, WTF?!


WTF, Eagleowl?! Seriously, WTF?!
Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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The Santa Lechuga Expectorator: All the News Rube Spits to Print

While we here at the SLPL blog keep track of the comings and goings and newses and rumors and speculations and confirmations of the Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe, there’s another Santa Lechuga blog that happens to be shaking up the city of Santa Lechuga with glee and gusto. It’s called The Santa Lechuga Expectorator and it is written by the city’s mayor, street sweeper, and all ‘round city ne'er-do-well, Rube Furrow, who also happens to be the SLPL’s commissioner, spinach-on-a-stick vendor, and general purpose league ne'er-do-well. Rube recently retired from dead tree media so that he could publicly blame others for his hapless mayoral administration, detail all the rancorous city infighting, and lie and speculate about citizens who did not vote for him in the last election. Check out Rube’s blog here.

385899_10150425755180881_519860880_8795194_194835112_n
Rube Furrow, About to Expectorate

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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We're Back

After successful talks with Bud Selig in New York City -- which involved asking Major League Baseball to help subsidize the city of Santa Lechuga’s proposed purchase of a large ladybug farm west of town to help control the growing aphid population, which is destroying large swaths of the 2012 lettuce crop -- the SLPL blog is up and running again. Standings and stats through yesterday, April 12th, are now posted.

BTW, it is true that we tried to hire Jerry Greenfield (yes, that’s his real name) to help Santa Lechuga control its aphid problem and save the lettuce crop. Unfortunately, Jerry was disgusted by the length of the city’s gardening hoses, frustrated by the city’s cheap plastic spray bottles, ticked off that the city would not pay for the more expensive dish soap, the confounded by the lack of cloudy days in Santa Lechuga.


We appreciate Bud Selig stepping in on the city’s behalf.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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We're Going Dark Until Friday

The Santa Lechuga Power League website is going dark until sometime Friday morning. The webmaster is headed to the Big Apple for some super secret talks with Bud Selig and will not have the time -- nor the inclination -- to update the website while traveling. He will, however, keep track of important league business (which is to say, he won’t delete any e-mails or trades) and will backfill everything into the website on his return. We’ll see you Friday.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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Richie Ashburn’s Freak At-Bat

He might have been one of the most loved baseball heroes, but for a single at bat on August 17, 1957 Richie Ashburn was something of a bastard. This is the story. And here’s another telling. Unfortunately for SLPL owners, Ashburn is among the lifeless HOFers, which means that we can’t put him on our HOF Death Pool rosters and gain revenge on behalf of Alice Roth.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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Sunday Morning WTF?! The. Skipper.

No set up. No punchline. This one speaks entirely for itself. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Skipping Guy?! Seriously, WTF?!


Skipping Guy?! Seriously, WTF?!
Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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SLPL Housecleaning

Before we call the 2012 season fully up and running, we have a some housecleaning items that we need to address…

First, check the
Magic Numbers. You should note that numbers 22 and 29 are not taken … and that Magic Numbers 7, 9, 14, and 30 have too many owners. For one time and one time only: The first owner with 7, 9, 14, or 30 to contact me asking for Magic Number 22 can have it. The first owner with Magic Number 7, 9, 14, or 30 to contact me asking for Magic Number 29 can have it. (As a reminder, Magic Numbers allow us to break the logjam of ties for the HOF Death Pool and the Creepy Cardinals Death Watch Pool.)

Second, FYI, you can
make trades any time during the Regular Season. The price of a trade is currently $5, but the price increases as the season progresses. Though you are limited to ten paid trades, the first five will earn you one free trade and the second five will earn you two more free trades. So, if you pay for ten trades, you’ll get three for free.

Third, while we do our best to make sure everything is accurate, we occasionally make mistakes. If you notice that we have done something wrong,
contact us and let us know so that we can fix it.

Fourth, owners have already begun
paying their ownership fees, which we always appreciate. If you haven’t yet paid, there are multiple ways to pay.

Fifth, and finally, this will be the last e-mail we send to all owners until the $5 trade is about to end (unless there’s an injury before then that we want to announce); we don’t want to clog up your In Box, ya know? To get SLPL news, see our Sunday Morning WTF?!, and just generally keep up on league nuttiness, be sure to check in daily at http://www.santa-lechuga.com/.

Good luck during the 2012 season!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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The 2012 Season Begins!

With nine bitchen new owners, a couple returning owners, a full slate of 48 teams, a kick-a** Excel spreadsheet, and a wicked tequila headache, the 2012 Santa Lechuga Power League has begun. “Who the heck are these guys? Have we done thorough background checks? Will they pass the mustard” asked Commissioner Rube Furrow when shown a list of new owners. “Everyone knows that when we go out to eat, I need my mustard. These guys better deliver.”

With the 2011 season officially closed out and the 2012 season officially kicked off, Furrow spent this morning randomly and inappropriately speculating about the new owners. “This Dan cat, he’s the real deal,” Furrow said of new owner
Dan Edwards, recruited by Pepino Monos owner Tony Livernois. “First, he names his team Rio Nuevo Grunion Runners, which is cool because everyone knows that the tastiest grunions come from the New River. And, second, the dude paid his ownership fees lightening fast. We already know that Dan’s a keeper.”

“I’m a bit wary of (Kempin' It Real! owner)
Kyle Harmon’s recruits, though,” Furrow continued. “Triple Crown owner Chris Amaral tried to submit an HOF roster that had nothing but dead Hall-of-Famers. Like we wouldn’t notice! Look, we drink a lot, sure, but we’re not so drunk that we’re not going to notice that Babe Ruth is already dead.

“And I’m not impressed by this (Chupacabras owner)
Tyler Shaddy dude, either” Furrow continued. “Being in first place on the first day of the season is a surefire way to get veteran owners to hate your guts. Lay low, buddy. Take the veterans out for a few drinks. Listen to their boring stories about how they almost won it all two years ago. Then take over first place. This was a rookie mistake.”

Rube said he was impressed by Reno's Thinly Veiled Hatred For Californians owner’s
Joshua Livernois’ recruits. “The Bearded Dragon’s owner Josh Bronson is doing it right. He’s in 12th place Overall after the first day, which is smart. And his Hall-of-Fame roster has actual, living Hall-of-Famers.”

“And The Howards owner
Ruby Livernois is just the cutest darned thing on earth,” Furrow said. “First, her name is Ruby, which sounds a lot like Rube. And second, she named her team after her kitten, Howard. Isn’t that just about the most adorable thing you have heard?”

“What’s not adorable,” Rube said, “is champ
Brandon Olivarria (owner of Chupa mi Pena!) getting all clever by encouraging his recruit Troy Thiele to name his team Cruzin up ur Pujols. Seriously, haven’t we milked the Pujols jokes for everything we can by now?”

“Now here’s an interesting team name,” Rube said of 2012 ANF owner
David Kohanzo, recruited by longtime Guzzlyn Suds owner Steve McNelly. “ANF could be the New York Stock Exchange symbol for Abercrombie & Fitch … or it could be Australian Newsagents' Federation, Angeles National Forest, Agitated Nutsche Filter, or Anti-Narcotics Force. We just don’t know. And that’s cool. Unless it stands for something heinously gross like something recommended by Brandon Olivarria.”

“I hear we better look out for this
Alec Puente (owner of Icepuente’s Sun Devils, recruited by Pesky’s Aphids owner Vince Livernois) kid. Dude’s getting ready to graduate, has a scholarship to a kick-butt university, and can outthink the entire staff in the SLPL league offices,” Rube said, not mentioning that chimpanzees could outthink the entire staff in the SLPL league offices. “Alec just may be a dark horse.”

Rube wasn’t sure to make of the rookie owner of The Nicholas Cagers owner
Brendan Butts, recruited by The Pathetics owner Ray Jasutis. “You know how some jokes write themselves? Yeah. Well. See. We’re at a loss about what to do here. This league is known worldwide for making cheap, disparaging, stupid jokes at anyone’s expense. You know? When you go to a shooting gallery, you don’t let some ducks go because they’re easy targets, right? So the biggest hurdle we’re going to have to overcome this season is to figure out how we are going to avoid making jokes about Brendan. I mean, who on earth names their team after Nicholas Cage?! Have you seen his most recent movies! Seriously!”

Finally, Rube gave a big shout out the veterans who recruited the new owners. “This looks like a great group, and we appreciate our veteran owners for recruiting them. It should be a great season!”

Meanwhile...
Owners, please check your
Hall-of-Fame rosters. Some of you selected people who are not living Hall-of-Famers and do not belong in the Death Pool. Get back to us with your roster replacements.

Also, check the
Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch Pool rosters. Some of you selected people who are not on the active roster and do not belong in the Death Watch Pool. Get back to us with your roster replacements.

And while you’re at it, check your regular rosters to make sure we entered them into our stats aggregator correctly. With 15 players each for 48 teams, we’re bound to make some mistakes. If we made some,
let us know by telling us what we got wrong.

Good luck to one and all during the 2012 season!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching
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Dan Klinkhamer Wins 2011 SLPL HOF Death Pool! 2012 Season About to Begin

With the first pitch of last night's Cardinals/Marlins game, This League Really Blows owner Dan Klinkhamer was officially* crowned the 2011 winner of the Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool, thereby officially closing out the 2011 season. "I would like to thank Harmon Killebrew for financing my 2012 season and for giving me a little extra scratch to buy a round or two of drinks Friday night," Klinkhamer said after scraping the last $150 out of the 2011 pot. "Harmon's death, while sad and disconcerting to those who knew him, brought me great joy and will bring joy to those who are there Friday night as I toast his memory."

Dan on Killebrew Lane
Dan Klinkhamer, Visiting Killebrew Lane in Florida


*When we say "officially," we mean that as of right now we know of no other Hall-of-Famers dying before last night's first pitch. If news stories come through that someone kicked before last night’s game began, we'll have to revise our officialness status and re-award the monies.

Meanwhile, league officials are busy getting ready for the 2012 season, which officially kicks off today at 1 pm EST, when rosters are due. "What? Today? Already?" a hangover-laden Commissioner
Rube Furrow said today at his annual new season press conference. "Isn't there anyone in the league offices that can warn me a day or two beforehand that the season's about to begin?! I'm surrounded by knuckleheads."

Despite Furrow's inattention, owners have been busy submitting rosters and grabbing the final available team spots. If you haven't already done so but plan to be in the league, getchyer rosters in fast.

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Rube Invites Martha to Join the Santa Lechuga Power League

Commissioner Rube Furrow still hasn’t figured out the whole harassment laws thingy. But don’t let that stop you from joining the SLPL this season.

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A Wayward Father -- And Former Champ -- Returns

Brandon and Mark
Brandon and Mark, Father-Son Champs

Last October, when announcing Brandon Olivarria as the 2011 Overall Champ, we wrote:

Brandon won $505 for being crowned champ, but the win is even sweeter because he took the trail his father Mark Olivarria blazed in 2008 by coming from behind to win it all, thereby making Mark and Brandon the first father-son combo to have won the Overall Championship. Sadly, Mark didn't participate in the SLPL this season, but we're hoping to get him back next year so the two champs can go head-to-head.

We got our wish. Mark is once again in the league with Dodger Blue. He had this to say about his return:

Hey guys, I'm back. Watching my son win it all last season, the first thing that came to mind was something Joe (Livernois) told me my first year, "It's so easy a monkey could win this." Well Joe you were right. I am back to reclaim my spot as a top owner in The Best Damn League!!!

It always confounds us when an owner leaves, especially a past-champ, but it does make the return that much sweeter. Welcome back, Mark! Now get to kicking your son’s butt, will you? He’s getting a massive head about his win last season.