Santa Lechuga Power League:

The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe

Sunday Morning Wiskey Tango Foxtrot

Sunday Morning WTF!?!? MC Misspellar

We got a lot of welcome feedback on our notice yesterday that Hall-of-Famer Lee MacPhail had died, including:
  • “Lee McPhail sounds like he should have been the owner of the Padres in the 1980’s. You know where I’m going with dat.” ~Vince Livernois, Pesky Aphids
  • “Hey can you shoot me an email with my fees so I can kick out a check. Gracias!” ~Brandon Olivarri, Chupa mi Pena!
  • “So how does Ruby Livernois (who hit the day right on the head with her Magic Number, unless he actually died on the 8th) or me not receive any points even though we both had Lee McPhail on our HOF Death roster twice?” ~Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Vince, as followers of the Pads in the ’80’s, we do know where you’re going with dat. Unfortunately.

Brandon, we
love!, love!, love! that you want to pay your fees. And we hope all your fellow owners who have not paid will take the time to do so ASAP so that we can pay our season champs.

And, finally, Kevin, besides the snotty tone (
we hold the trademark on snotty tones, dontchyaknow), we really do appreciate you calling to our attention to the fact that we missed a whole bunch of folks who had Lee MacPhail on their Death Pool rosters. Turns out we searched our rosters on the misspelled name “McPhail” and not “MacPhail,” generated a way-too-short list of teams who spelled the name as incorrectly as we did, and only gave those teams points. Talk about phail! (There’s a reason I’m the league’s Vice President of All the Little Detals.) We have now fixed the problem (we think) and correctly allocated the points to all the teams (we think). The Howards owner Ruby Livernois now leads Hall-of-Fame Death Pool Standings with 200 points.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, us?! We can’t be more thorough before awarding HOF points?!?! We mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? Tigers Swinging Toothpicks

MLB World Series 2

For the record, we’re not ready to call the season quits. Sure, the Detroit Tigers appear to be ready, but we’re not. Sure, The Stroke owner Aaron Pankoke wants the season to end ASAP so he can add an Overall Championship to his Regular Season Championship, but we’re not ready. Look, we like long World Serieseses, not this four-games-and-out crap. Despite how anemic the Tigers look, we really want them to step it up and win a few games already. But if they don’t, tonight the MLB will be crowning a new World Series Champ … and we’ll be crowning a new SLPL Overall Champ.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Detroit Foxtrottin’ Tigers?! You left your bats in the Championship Series?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? Stupid Sign

MLB Postseason

While we wait to see if the San Francisco Giants can find their way to get to the World Series, today it’s time to celebrate the simple wonders of the world. Like this:

BkNEj

You wonder what the sign ever did to this guy. I mean, the sign is just standing there, all sign-like, on the side of the brick street, not bothering anyone, maybe hoping to quietly pass along a nice message about keeping your lawn green or something, maybe inviting total strangers in for a nice cup of coffee or something, maybe announcing an upcoming children’s concert or something, who knows. The sign, it just sits there quietly. But this guy. This guy has it out for the sign. He’s not happy with the sign. He’s offended by the sign. He’s pissed by the sign. So he goes and decides to kick the sign, just to show it who’s boss. So this poor, helpless inanimate sign, incapable of defending itself, does the one last thing it can do to show defiance before it’s rendered useless, before it becomes a fallen hero, fallen from where it stood, by tripping the guy and making him look like the complete and total idiot he’s likely always been. Tomorrow, the sign will stand up straight, intact, and announce to the world that the idiot who knocked him down can be seen being an idiot on the Internet for all of time, a truly stunning payback for the abuse that was inflicted upon the sign.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, sign-hating dude? You couldn’t just let well enough alone? Seriously, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? Game One In New York

MLB Postseason

Game One of the American League Championship Series…

Leyland leaves Valverde in to pitch to Ibanez after already giving up a home run to Suzuki.

Suzuki


Ibanez goes all hero again and ties the score. Despite the TBS blowhards rooting hard for the Yankees during the extra innings, the Tigers find a way to pull it out. But before they win, the Tigers win even bigger when Jeter goes down for the rest of the playoffs with an ankle injury. Tigers have two reason to rejoice, but SLPL Cameltowing, Inc., owner
David Edison has a recommendation for Jimmy Leyland via Facebook as a show of sportsmanship after the Yanks lost Jeter:

Leyland


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Jim Leyland, are you
trying to lose Game 1?!?! Seriously, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Seriously?

MLB Postseason

Really, Giants? This is the way the 2012 season is going to end for you? I suppose I should have saved yesterday’s Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! for your two home playoff losses.

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? Regular Season Leaders Not Letting Up

MLB Postseason

The fun thing about the SLPL’s playoffs -- usually -- is that they offer a chance for teams who didn’t win much during the Regular Season to come storming back and make hay during the postseason. If the first few days of this season’s playoffs are an indication, however, this postseason may not be as fun as we would like.

Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes and Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils, who finished 1st and 3rd in the Regular Season, have scored 42 points so far and lead in the Playoffs standings. They are now 1st and 2nd in the Overall standings. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Regular Season leaders, you can’t allow some of the season’s also-rans a chance at a little fantasy baseball glory?!?! Seriously, Aaron Pankoke and Alec Puente, WTF?!?!

Playoffs Standings: Overall . Playoffs . HOF . Hitting Stats . Pitching Stats . Team Stats . Past Leaders
Final Regular Season Standings:
At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!?!? What Horserace?

Concluding our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing last Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

While the horserace the last few weeks has been fun as all get out,
Past Champ Aaron Pankoke, owner of The Strokes, is now putting some distance between himself and Alec Puente, owner of Icepuente’s Sun Devils, which means the final days of the season might not be nearly as exciting as we were hoping. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Aaron Pankoke?!? We know you’d rather avoid the drama and win this thing easily, but the rest of us want an epic, dramatic ending that goes down to the wire while we pull out our hair and chew our fingernails to nubs. I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

Meanwhile, Alec lost a even more ground to
Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real!, who are now just four points out of 2nd place after yesterday’s action. There are just four days left in the Regular Season.

Horse Race
Aaron Pankoke Is Indeed Pulling Away

I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Saturday Morning WTF!?!? Damn Paparazzi

Continuing our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

The Livernois Brothers didn’t know they were being photographed when stumbling home from a bar:

Livernois Brothers Walking Home from a Bar
From left: Livernois Brothers Joe, Tony, Sam, and Vince …“walking” home from a bar


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, paparazzi?!? Did we tell you that you could photograph us?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

In SLPL action,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes went on a rampage last night and opened up a sizable lead over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils. Alec also lost ground to Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real!, who are now just seven points out of 2nd place after yesterday’s action. There are just five days left in the Regular Season.

Horse Race
Aaron Pankoke May Be Pulling Away

I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Friday Morning WTF!?!? Walking The…Fish?!

Continuing our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

I can’t…

I don’t…

I’m trying to figure out…

Does…?

How?

What?

Huh?

2RyRW

Walking fish?

Huh?

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, photographer?!? What the hell is going on here? I mean, WTF??? I mean, seriously, WTF???

In SLPL action, no change in the horse race continues.
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes continue to maintain a 3 point lead in the Overall standings over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action with just six days of Regular Season left.

Horse Race
The Horse Race Is The Same As Yesterday

I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Thursday Morning WTF!?!? Ostriches? Huh?

Continuing our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

I can’t…

I don’t…

I’m trying to figure out…

Does…?

How?

What?

Huh?

Ostriches


And, ostriches?

Huh?

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, random GIF creator?!? What the hell is going on here? I mean, WTF??? I mean, seriously, WTF???

In SLPL action, the horse race continues as
Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils cut into Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes lead in the Overall standings after yesterday’s action. The Stroke’s are up by three points with just seven days of Regular Season left. Meanwhile, Kyle Harmon’s Kempin' It Real!, in third place, is just 30 points off the lead.

Horse Race
The Horse Race Continues with Aaron Still In First,
Alec and Kyle Making Up Ground


I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Wednesday Morning WTF!?!? Ryan's Bailed Already? On The Stench?

Continuing our week’s worth of Sunday Morning WTF!?!? as penance for missing Sunday’s WTF!?!? ...

Politico reports that Mitt Romney’s running mate Paul Ryan
has taken to calling Mitt “The Stench.” Seriously, Paul?!?! Aren’t you supposed to wait until after the election before you start trashing your would-be boss? Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Paul Ryan!?!? That’s just bad form, man. Bad, bad form. I mean, seriously, WTF!?!?

Having said that, I like it too much.

In SLPL action,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes continues to maintain a 14 point lead in the Overall standings over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action with just eight days of Regular Season left.

Horse Race
Aaron’s Still In First


I like that too much, too!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Tuesday Morning WTF!?!? All NFL Replacement Refs Are Referee Pitman

Since we started the week without a Sunday Morning WTF!?!?, howzabout we make up for it by having a week full of WTFs?

This morning’s WTF comes courtesy of the NFL, who still hasn’t settled the labor dispute with referees despite the fact that Mitt Romney, a la John McCain in 2008, is asking to halt the campaign until this travesty of a season is resolved. It turns out that the NFL is now fielding a team of Referee Pitmans for every game. Who’s Referee Pitman, you ask? He was the SNL character of our favorite skit of the past lotsa years, played by John Goodman, who had a weekly show and fielded questions like this from the audience:

Audience Member #3: Yeah, uh, hi, great show. I saw the last game, and I just want to know, do you find it helpful to keep your head up your rear end? I mean, why during the game? It seems that during the game you want to have your head, you know, out and in the open air so you can see the plays. I mean, is it comfortable, or is it for the warmth, or what?

Rock Clark: How about it, Ref? Your head inside your rear end?

Referee Pitman: [ thinking ] No. No, nope, never done that. I wouldn't even know how to go about it, it's an interesting position, but, uh. nope.

Rock Clark: Okay, apparently not. But good question. ...

Audience Member #4: I was just curious - what's in your head, you know, since there's no brain? I mean, is it empty, or is it filled with, say, human excrement?

Rock Clark: I think I can handle that one, Ref. The Ref does have a brain, otherwise he wouldn't be able to conduct this interview right here. That's how I know. I mean, it's basic high school biology. So the excrement question is irrelevant.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, National Football League, are you going to settle this dispute and bring the real refs back or not!?!? I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

In SLPL action,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes are holding onto their Overall lead over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action with just nine days of Regular Season left.

Horse Race
Aaron’s Still In First


I like it too much!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Monday Morning WTF!?!? What Happened To Yesterday's Sunday Morning WTF!?!?!

Today we are featuring a Monday Morning WTF!?!? since yesterday we plum forgot to do a Sunday Morning WTF!?!? In fact, today’s Monday Morning WTF!?!? is the fact that we forgot to do a Sunday Morning WTF!?!? yesterday.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, us, just because
Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin was hanging out at our abode doesn’t mean we can shirk our SLPL duties. I mean, seriously. WTF!?!?

In SLPL action,
Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes are maintaining their Overall lead over Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils after yesterday’s action with just ten days of Regular Season left.

Horse Race
Aaron’s Still In First


I like it too much!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF!!! Outsourcing The Giving Of A Foxtrot

With the mean horse race that’s developed in the league -- Alec Puente’s Icepuente’s Sun Devils now lead Aaron Pankoke’s The Strokes by 11 points -- we are having a tough time finding things outside of the SLPL to give a Foxtrot about. So, this week we have decided to outsource Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! to Dan Sileo, former defensive lineman for the Miami Hurricanes and current host of sports radio WQAM Miami. Dan, you’ll hear, gives a massive Foxtrot about the Miami Hurricanes.


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Miami Hurricanes?! You Hurt Dan Sileo’s Fee-Fees!

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Miami Hurricanes?! You hurt Dan Sileo’s feelings!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF!!! Clint Eastwood Loses Debate with Chair

There can be only one Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! this week.

Clint Eastwood Loses Debate with Chair
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Clint Eastwood?!
(Click to embiggenate.)


As usual, the Simpsons got there first:


Old Man Yells At Chair
Grampa Abraham Simpson? or Old Man Eastwood?


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Clint Eastwood?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF!!! Bruno's Home Made Pizza

You see something like this and you wonder what Bruno’s is still doing in business:

Disappointed
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Bruno’s Home Made Pizza?!
(Click to embiggenate.)


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bruno’s Home Made Pizza?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF!!! This Lady, Too, Is Heinious

Instead of Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, we should call this one Oscar! Mike! Hotel! Charlie! As in, Oh, My, Holy Crap! Who spends that much time in the sun?!?!?!

v5oxk-704351
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Sun Lady?!
(Click to embiggenate.)


Do you want to know what the scariest part of this is? This lady is only 27-years-old. Oscar, Mike, Hotel Charlie, Sun Lady!!! Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTAF!!! Barrier Jumping Truck

What the actual foxtrot?! I mean, what actually happened here:

Barrier-Jumping Truck
Whiskey?! Tango?! Alpha?! Foxtrot?! Barrier-Jumping Truck?
(Click to de-ensmallenate.)


I have looked at this for a good five minutes and I still can’t decide exactly what took place: My best guess: The driver came from about 7:30 (lower-left of the picture) at a very high rate of speed (a.k.a., really foxtrottin’ fast) when he hit the barrier. On impact, the front of the truck dipped low while the back of the truck flipped up high and spun around -- over the second barrier -- and landed in its present position.

Are there any other explanations? Like, did he come hella fast from 2:30ish down the sidewalk and then just turned left into the barrier?

Whiskey?! Tango?! Alpha?! Foxtrot?! Barrier-Jumping Truck? Seriously, WTF?


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF!!! Impressive Elderly Pole-Vaulting Dude?

Back at the beginning of April, we marveled at the mad skillz of an 86-year-old gymnast, wondering why bones weren’t snapping like twigs in a dry forest every time she landed from a big jump or why her dentures weren’t falling out with every cartwheel. Today we ponder the abilities of a 90-year-old pole vaulter:



Again, bones should be snapping and dentures should be flying. Instead, this crazy dude with better facial hair than mine is using a stick to clear a bar at seven feet, two inches. Whisky Tango Foxtrot, Impressive Elderly Pole-Vaulting Dude? I mean, seriously, WTF?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF?!?! Egbert Knievel

If he wasn’t paralyzed before he tried to jump his motor scooter over two junkyard cars, Egbert Knievel is surely without muscle function below his neck today.

Scooter Jump Fail
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Egbert?!


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Egbert?! Are you trying to paralyze yourself? Seriously, WTF?


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning FFS!!! Finally, Power-Hitting Pitchers

It took long enough, but we finally have a couple Power-Hitting Pitchers. Yesterday, Matt Cain went long off Cole Hamels, who then went long off Matt Cain. From what we can tell, these are the first home runs hit this season by pitchers on SLPL rosters, which means that these are the first points awarded in the Power-Hitting Pitchers standings. (If someone has any information about home runs hit by pitchers on SLPL rosters before yesterday, please let us know ASAP so we can award the points.) Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! Santa Lechuga pitchers, get off the schnied, already! We need more Power-Hitting Pitchers!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
Pay Already! . Make A Trade . Contact Us

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Sunday Morning WTF?! So Many Questions

You see a picture like this and, after holding your skull together so your brain doesn’t asplode, you begin to ask questions. So many questions.

So Many Questions
Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Paid Professional Photographer? I Mean, Seriously, WTF?!?!
(Click picture to enlargenate.)


To wit:

  • Who is responsible?
  • How did this come about?
  • Where did that chimp come from?
  • Who dressed the chimp?
  • Why is the chimp so partial to the kid?
  • Did they coordinate the kid’s turtleneck with the chimp’s or was that a happy coincidence?
  • Who glued the eyebrows on Santa?
  • Where did the alligator come from?
  • Whose idea was it to include the alligator?
  • What do clowns have to do with Christmas?
  • What do chimps have to do with Christmas?
  • What do alligators have to do with Christmas?
  • Who planned this photo? How long did it take to set up? Does the photographer’s assistant still have all her fingers?
  • How many photos did they take before they decided that this was the one to keep? Or, when the first flash went off, did the alligator go on a rampage and eat the kid and the chimp?
  • When the Santa woke up that morning, did he know he would have his picture taken with a kid whose turtleneck matched a chimp’s turtleneck while holding an alligator in front of a clown background?
  • If he knew when he woke up that morning that he would have his picture taken with a kid whose turtleneck matched a chimp’s turtleneck while holding an alligator in front of a clown background, would he have opted for suicide instead?
  • How about the chimp? If he knew this photo was about to be taken, would the chimp have opted to remove himself from the gene pool?
  • And what about the kid? Has he been emotionally scarred by this event? Has he already taken a dive off a cliff?
  • And the alligator? Is that even an alligator? Or, is that a crocodile? And do alligators/crocodiles commit suicide after pictures like this or do they just go on rampages?
  • How can I recreate this photo?
And so many more...

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! paid professional photographer? I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . All-Star Standings & Stats . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning FFS!!! Tax The Nonbelievers?!?!

Editor’s Note: We’re changing Sunday mornings up here a little bit. Instead of the customary “Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!,” we’re occasionally going to to feature a “Sunday Morning Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra!,” or FFS. If you are unfamiliar with FFS, click here (not safe for work, not safe for youngsters with pristine eyes, and not safe for when you’re being introduced to the queen).

Our inaugural Sunday Morning Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! comes courtesy of Dongwhipped owner
Kevin Klinkhamer, who forwarded the following link in the hopes that we would go on an epic, infidel-inspired rant about dumbfoxtrots like this knucklehead. Instead, we’ll just go with a simple Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! evangelical a**hat Bryan Fisher! I’ve got a better idea: Let’s tax churches. Oh, what? No? Something about the First Amendment? Yeah. That. Read it. For comprehension.


Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! Evangelical A**hat Bryan Fisher!


And while we’re on a heathenistic bent, let’s just throw a complimentary FFS! to
Louisiana wingnut state rep Valarie Hodges. Foxtrot! Foxtrot! Sierra! Valarie Hodges! It’s amazing someone as ignorant of the constitution can hold elected office. And with people this awe-inspiringly imbecilic already serving as state reps, you really have to wonder why Bobby Jindal tries so hard to make his state’s education system even worse. Why would he want to mess with a system that’s already pumping out teh stupid so incredibly efficiently?

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF?! Bud Selig

Dogwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer recently called attention to the fact that MLB Commissioner Bud Selig has pulled video of the classic rant by Cleveland broadcaster Bruce Drennan. From Kevin’s e-mail:

Boers and Bernstein played a couple drops from the epic Bruce Drennan rant from 5/5/2010 and I went looking for it. However, it has been removed due to a copyright claim by MLB advanced media ... which is total Bud Selig BS as the show "All Bets Are Off" is not owned by MLB. Anyway, is there any other type of video you have or can get with your Jedi knowledge, etc.? I will even take just an audio of the thing if you can.

Kevin dropped another e-mail minutes later:

And now I go to Fox Sports Ohio's YouTube channel and every other Bruce Drennan pre- and-post game video is on and plays just fine. Which means Selig had just that video taken off because he didn't like it and because he can. It is time for at least a Sunday Morning WTF?! concerning Bud Selig … though I would vote for a whole new "Die Bud Selig" section on SLPL!

We are with you, Kevin, on both counts. Die, Bud Selig! And Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bud Selig?!?! You can’t let us have a little epic rant by Bruce Drennan? Seriously? W? T? F?

Just to give you a feel for what we might have seen had I been able to use my Ninja Internet skillz to dig up the original, let’s look at a mini-rant by Bruce just days before his unfound epic rant. You can see the epicness being foreshadowed in this video:


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bud Selig?!?! You Can’t Give Us More of This?
Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Sunday Morning WTF?! Oily Maniac

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Japanese monster movie directors?!?! Things actually got worse after Godzilla?


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Japanese Monster Movie Directors?!?!
Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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ICYMI: Some Things Can't Wait 'Til Sunday, Take 2

In case you missed it … a blog second, repeating an entry the day after we first posted it … because you really don’t want to miss this. (Incidentally, you might be interested in this, which we found after we posted yesterday.)

Two reasons to post this today: One, we’ll be dark this Sunday, which means we will be without a Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! And, two, why the heck should we wait?! This is just too incredible, too wondrous, too freakin’ awesome to wait on. You all need to see this today. You’re welcome.

Huh? As in, huh?!
Huh? (Click to biggercize.)


Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Yesterday’s Points
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Some Things Can't Wait 'Til Sunday, Take 2

Two reasons to post this today: One, we’ll be dark this Sunday, which means we will be without a Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! And, two, why the heck should we wait?! This is just too incredible, too wondrous, too freakin’ awesome to wait on. You all need to see this today. You’re welcome.

Huh? As in, huh?!
Huh? (Click to biggercize.)


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Obey

This defies commentary. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, all powerful and all knowing eternal Entity. You can’t want this, can you?!


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, All Powerful Entity?!? You Can’t Want This, Can You?
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ICYMI: Some Things Can't Wait 'Til Sunday

In case you missed it … a blog first, repeating an entry the day after we first posted it … because you really don’t want to miss this …

Regular readers will wonder why I didn’t wait until Sunday to post this picture in the wildly popular “Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot,” and I can’t really blame them for wondering. But when you come across a picture like this, you don’t dilly-dally around and wait several days to post it. No, you take immediate action and make every effort to permanently burn it into the eyeballs of every person you know. As in, once you see it you can’t un-see it, no matter how badly you want to wash it from your mind. Because if you have to have it burned into your eyeballs, why not share the pain?

There’s so much concerning about this picture -- seriously, the one and only thing
right about this picture is that the lake isn’t filled with blood instead of water -- but I’m going to focus on just one very concerning thing: The piper on the left? Is he giving birth through his belly button? Or, is there someone off camera walking around who is missing a fist after snapping it off while digging for lose change in that belly button? What the HELL is that?! Holy crumbly, I’m tasting last night’s dinner in the back of my throat. I’m gonna hurl. I better hit “publish” before I lose it.

Balloon Head
Huh? (Click to enlarge. If you dare.)


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Some Things Can't Wait 'Til Sunday

Regular readers will wonder why I didn’t wait until Sunday to post this picture in the wildly popular “Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot,” and I can’t really blame them for wondering. But when you come across a picture like this, you don’t dilly-dally around and wait several days to post it. No, you take immediate action and make every effort to permanently burn it into the eyeballs of every person you know. As in, once you see it you can’t un-see it, no matter how badly you want to wash it from your mind. Because if you have to have it burned into your eyeballs, why not share the pain?

There’s so much concerning about this picture -- seriously, the one and only thing
right about this picture is that the lake isn’t filled with blood instead of water -- but I’m going to focus on just one very concerning thing: The piper on the left? Is he giving birth through his belly button? Or, is there someone off camera walking around who is missing a fist after snapping it off while digging for lose change in that belly button? What the HELL is that?! Holy crumbly, I’m tasting last night’s dinner in the back of my throat. I’m gonna hurl. I better hit “publish” before I lose it.

Balloon Head
Huh? (Click to enlarge. If you dare.)


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Punk?!?!

The following gem comes courtesy of Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelley, who said, “Check this out -- I immediately thought ‘WTF!’” What the foxtrot, indeed, Joe? In what possible solar system and during what era could this collection be considered, with even the loosest definition of the word, “punk”?


Got one! Try this.

It’s the 1980s. The planet is Earth. The country is the United States. The sappy-ass song compilers in the music industry challenge their advertising agency to come up with a way to market their latest collection of vapid songs, a collection of “hits” recorded during the worst era of recorded music history … songs that only made it to the top of the charts because, well, frankly, in the cesspool of sh*tty songs, some sh*tty songs
had to float to the top of the charts. So the advertising agency, knowing that it has to sell this drivel to dimwits who would’t know the first thing about actual good music but who want to believe they are cool anyway, decide to try to associate the collection with an era of actual good music that has recently passed, punk. And because the advertising agency is dealing with music industry people responsible for turning out this vomitous mass of songs in the first place and who is unaware that punk was, like, you know, legit and not just some cool marketing concept, pitches an idea to the sappy-ass song compilers and, boom, you have a commercial that associates Crowded House, Erasure, Toni Basil, Huey Lewis and the News, Madness, The Human League, Thompson Tunes, Greg Kihn Band, Culture Club, Quarterflash, and The Escape Club with “punk.” The only thing that would have made it more WTF-worthy was if Tears for Fears had been included on this compilation. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Sappy Ass Song Compilers?! Punk?!?!
I Mean, Seriously, WTF?!


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Kempin' It Real…Creepy!

Okay, so maybe we should not have asked for pictures. While we originally believed that Kempin' It Real!’s owner Kyle Harmon was headed to Vegas to tie the knot to his fiancé, Samantha, it turns out this was Kyle’s bachelor party weekend … and he’s celebrating with last year’s champ Brandon Olivarria, owner of Chupa mi Pena!, and current league leader Tyler Shaddy, owner of Chupacabras. So instead of beautiful wedding photos, we end up with pictures like this:

Tyler, Kyle, and Brandon, Hanging with a Little Person in a Top Hat
Tyler, Kyle, and Brandon, Hanging with a Little Person in a Top Hat
(Clickenate to embiggenate.)


And, more creepily, pictures like this:

WTF, Kyle and Your Bachelor Party Crew?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!
WTF, Kyle and Your Bachelor Party Crew?!?! I Mean, Seriously, WTF?!?!
(Click to enlarge, if you dare.)


There are about 316 things wrong with this photo, but let’s just concentrate on #264: That horse. It’s a guy. Never mind Brandon is getting ready to punch a 17 foot tall gorilla that’s been cropped out of the picture (#82 of What’s Wrong with this Picture). Never mind Tyler’s peace sign and Kyle’s pointed finger (#205). Never mind that everyone’s eyes looks like Edgar Winter’s at a paparazzi convention (#54). Just look at the horse. Let’s call him Ed. And check out who Ed is checking out. Don’t you get the feeling that, if things progress any faster, Ed is not going to let Kyle marry Samantha in June? That horse seriously gives me the willies.

But, okay, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, #1 on our list: If our heroes are so into horses, couldn’t they have least gone to a club that featured fillies? WTF, Kyle and your bachelor party crew?!?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!?!

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Sunday Morning WTH?! Happy Mother's Day!

As we have in seasons past, we have decided to be respectful to all the mothers in this league for at least one day of the season by renaming our regular Sunday series “Sunday Morning WTF?!” in honor of Mother’s Day to “Sunday Morning WTH?!?!” As in, “What the heck?!” Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers!

We have also decided to revive a league favorite, which ScootTucky Plow owner
Scott “Scoot Bigs” Allen reported on last season. Scott said that it is a tradition in his country of origin to celebrate Mother’s Day by dancing around a scooter. We didn’t believe him until we dug up this video on the Interwebs. (BTW, Scoot’s the one wearing jorts.) Whiskey?! Tango?! Hotel?!, strange dancing kids? I mean, seriously, WTH?!


Whiskey?! Tango?! Hotel?! Strange Dancing Boys? I Mean, Seriously, WTH?!
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Sunday Morning WTF?! Bizarro World

By Kevin Klinkhamer
Has the 2012 SLPL season officially entered the Bizarro World? It is May 6th and there have been more no-hitterstwo total, with one being a damn perfecto!than home runs hit by Albert Pujols. Seriously, Albert and MLB, Bizarro World … Wiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!

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Sunday Morning WTF?! Tom Thibodeau

With one minute, 22 seconds remaining, 12 points up. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Tom Thibodeau?! Seriously, WTF?!

rose_out
Derick Rose Out (Photo courtesy GossipOnThis.com.)

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Sunday Morning WTF?! Two WTFs For the Price Of One (NSFW)

Today we have two WTF?!s for you. The first WTF?! prompted Joe Livernois to change his team name from “Krukow's Fever” to “And Then Aubrey Huff Played Second Base.” Here’s the explanation. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bruce Bochy?! I mean, seriously, WTF?!

Our second WTF?! is the most literal WTF?! we have had since we started the wildly popular Sunday Morning WTF?! You may recall that a year ago we posted this bitchen little video from the bitten little band OK Go!:


WTF? by OK Go!


Now, courtesy of Dongwhipped owner
Kevin Klinkhmaer, we have the video of the “making of.” Some language at the beginning is not safe for work (NSFW), but since it’s Sunday, you shouldn’t be at work anyway, gol durnit. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, OK Go!?!, how do you keep blowing our minds?!


WTF?! OK Go! How do you keep up the bitcheness? I mean, seriously, WTF?!
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Sunday Morning WTF?! Slow Motion Eagleowl

I saw the video below for the first time last night. Then I spent all my “quality” REM sleep running away from this damn thing.

Eagleowl: Those eyes! Those claws! Run!


What puts it over the top for me -- besides the fact that it looks like it shapeshifts into about seven different scary creatures within a minute -- is the silence as this things moves slowly to rip out my thorax. (Watch this video on the highest quality your connection can handle … and full-screen. Totally worthy.) Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Eagleowl?! Seriously, WTF?!


WTF, Eagleowl?! Seriously, WTF?!
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Sunday Morning WTF?! The. Skipper.

No set up. No punchline. This one speaks entirely for itself. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Skipping Guy?! Seriously, WTF?!


Skipping Guy?! Seriously, WTF?!
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Sunday Morning WTF?! An 86-Year-Old Gymnast?!

I struggle with getting my dog out for a walk every day … and here we have an 86-year-old gymnast?!?! Shouldn’t bones be snapping like twigs in a dry forest every time she lands from a big jump? Shouldn’t dentures be falling out with every cartwheel? Whisky Tango Foxtrot, Impressive Elderly Lady? I mean, seriously, WTF?!


Whisky Tango Foxtrot, Impressive Elderly Lady?

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