Ten Reasons to Join the Santa Lechuga Power League
Why join our league? You mean, besides our long and storied history? Here’s why:
1. Because It’s the Easiest Fantasy League You’ll Ever JoinYou pick ten hitters and five pitchers, we track home runs and strikeouts. It’s that easy. From our league’s history: “…the league made it easy for lazy owners to sit back and do nothing for an entire season, a comfort enjoyed by many actual Major League Baseball owners.”
2. Because We Have Our Own BobbleheadSeriously, who doesn’t like a bobblehead? Ours is the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce, which unfortunately wreaked havoc back in 2001. But it is a bobblehead. And it was inspired by 1970’s Indians star Oscar Gamble. The likeness, I’m sure you will agree, is uncanny.
3. Because We Have a Hall-of-Fame Death PoolTheir major contributions to the world already behind them, baseball Hall-of-Famers will never get the glory they received on the day they were inducted into the Hall-of-Fame until their funerals. We honor living HOFers by putting them into a Death Pool and hoping they will receive that final glorious moment in the sun … before they are buried.
4. Because We Have a Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch PoolThere’s nothing so satisfying as watching Fox Sports obsess, against all other relevant sports news, about the death of a St. Louis Cardinals pitcher. For a while there, active Cardinals pitchers were dying at a rate twice that of Hall-of-Famers and Fox Sports practically changed their logo to that of a jersey of a dead Cardinals pitcher. Watch a Cardinals game on Fox after a choice death and you might actually see a pitch or two of the game while they spent the rest of nine innings focused on the dead pitcher’s jersey hanging in Cardinals dugout. In response, we created the Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch Pool. Why should the ghoulish Fox Sports have all the fun?
5. Because Everyone Needs a DistractionCreativity experts have found that, to be productive and creative amidst all your hard work, everyone needs a good distraction. Five to ten minutes a day on the SLPL website to check the standings and to see if any Hall-of-Famers or Cardinals pitchers have died and -- BOOM! -- you will be more productive and creative for the rest of the day.
6. Twenty-Five Bucks will Get You a Season’s Worth of EntertainmentFor less than the cost of two tickets to a bad “blockbuster,” two sodas, and some popcorn, you can get seven months of entertainment out of the SLPL. Oh, sure, to remain competitive you will want to spend the equivalent of another soda or two on some trades, but still, seven months versus a two-hour movie at which you spent half the time in the bathroom because of all that soda you drank is really quite the deal.
7. Because You Won’t Get Lost In the CrowdJoin one of those professional fantasy leagues on CBS Sportsline or the like and you’ll get lost in the crowd. Here, we’ve got 48 teams. That’s it. And here, everyone knows someone else in the league, which means that you’re not just playing anonymous fantasy lotto … you’re playing with friends and family that are as dopey as you.
8. Because A Lot of People Win A Lot of MoneyWe doled out 16 payouts last season with the smallest payout being $125. Every single dollar of the $2,910 we collected through ownership fees and trade fees was paid back to the champs. Because that’s how we do things around here.
9. Because We Have Our Own BlogSure, it’s not a very good blog, and it oftentimes goes off in wild directions that have nothing to do with baseball, the league, sports, or anything on this planet, but it’s wacky and fun and stupid and dopey and unpredictable. Best of all, it features the “Sunday Morning WTF?!,” which highlights the single most WTF?! thing we came across the previous week. Only on the SLPL blog.
10. Because Reasons 1 through 9 Should Be EnoughAny one of the previous nine reasons should be enough to convince you to join, but combined -- and this is Reason #10 -- it’s a complete no-brainer.
Bonus Reason: Because Hitler Hates UsAnd with good reason.
Come join the Santa Lechuga Power League, the Best Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe (Yes, We Said Universe)! Getchyer roster in today.