Yeah, yeah, yeah, it took long enough for us to finally officially crown Joe Kelly, owner of Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox, as the 2017 Santa Lechuga Power League Overall Champion, but, hey, we have our reasons. First and foremost is, it wasn't really a surprise, was it? Oh, sure a single Correa home run would have catapulted I’m Maddon for Another One owner Kathy Lamkin into the top spot, but what were the odds of that, really? Except for a hiccup or two, Joe had a lock on this thing since mid-June. I mean, this was his season.
Second, look, we were traveling, we might have been a bit distracted, a bit tired, we might have had a drink or two … you know … you understand.
And, third, I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!
Anyway. Hey! Check that out! Joe Kelly won the Overall Championship of the 2017 season! Bitchen for him. As in, 935 bits of dollar-like bitcheness, plus a pass on next season's ownership fees, coming up to a grand total of about $1,035 worth of winnings. That's quite a season Joe put on.
In addition to the Overall Championship, Joe won the Hitting Championship and a Division Championship. He only won monies for the Overall Championship, which means the next most-deserving teams have are awarded the monies for the other categories Joe won. Though he doesn't get to scrape those cash-monies out of the Pot, he is still the official champ in those categories. In addition, he is an official winner of the Jim Cummings Cup, named after the 2005 Overall Champ, the late and much beloved Jim Cummings, and is given each year in honor of winning the Overall SLPL Championship.
And our other champs and money winners! Check them out. In all, $3,720 is being spread across ten winners, with another $200 going to whoever wins the HOF Death Pool.
Way to go, Joe! Way to go all you other champs and money-winners!
Following are all the official champs and final money-winners for the 2017 season:
- Overall Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
- Playoff Champ: Alec Puente, Get with the Programmer
- Regular Season Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
- Hitting Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
- Pitching Champ: Ray Brennan, The Mighty Trepidators
- All-Star Champ: Susan Crohare, The Pretenders
- La División Culantro Champ: Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers
- La División de Berros Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
- La División de Caña de Azúcar Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
- La División de Jamaica Champ: Scott Allen, Scoots Bigelow
- La División de la Calabaza Champ: Kathy Lamkin, I’m Maddon for Another One
- La División de la Cebolla Verde Champ: Jeren Livernois, Valar Morghulis
- $935 (plus next season's ownership fees) - Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox - Overall Champ
- $842.50 - Jeren Livernois, Valar Morghulis - La División de la Cebolla Verde Champ + next most deserving Hitting Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner + next most-deserving split for Regular Season Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
- $642.50 - Kathy Lamkin, I’m Maddon for Another One - La División de la Calabaza Champ + next most-deserving split for Regular Season Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
- $200 - Susan Crohare, The Pretenders - All-Star Champ
- $200 - Ray Brennan, The Mighty Trepidators - Pitching Champ
- $200 - Alec Puente, Get with the Programmer - Playoff Champ
- $175 - Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers - La División Culantro Champ
- $175 - Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped - La División de Caña de Azúcar Champ
- $175 - Scott Allen, Scoots Bigelow - La División de Jamaica Champ
- $175 - Aaron Pankoke, The Strokes - next most deserving for Division based on points replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
Congratulations to Joe Kelly and his Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox! Ccongrats to all our champs and money winners! And thanks to all of you for joining us for a most-excellent season. We look forward to seeing you all next year.
P.S. IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL MONEY-WINNERS: Please use this form to give us your preferred snail mail address so Rube can send your check. Or, if you would like him to send you a PayPal transfer, let us know that instead by including your PayPal information.
In Game 3 all but one SLPL hitter still in the playoffs hit a home run; Bellinger was the lone holdout. In last night's Game 5 all but one hit a home run; Corey Seager didn't go long. Check this out:
With all those home runs, havoc has been reeked in the SLPL Overall Standings. See?
While Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly still has a hold on 1st place, I'm Maddon for Another One owner Kathy Lamkin is hot on his tail, needing just one more home run from Carlos Correa to vault her into the top spot Overall.
It's been a wild-and-wooly playoffs, to be sure. Stay tuned!
In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we're not sure what we're TFing…
What's there to Tango Foxtrot? This World Series is going to at least six games! We are happy campers!
Then again, the longer the Dodgers are still alive the longer they aren't dead sooner. We need them dead sooner.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Houston Astros, you can't eliminate the Dodgers sooner?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
The Astros are up 2-1 and Alec Puente's Get with the Programmer continues to climb to the top of the Overall Standings after finishing the Regular Season in 30th place. Alec is now in 8th place Overall. Can the series go long enough for Alec win the 20017 crown? Stay tuned!
Man, what a game. And that's not the best part. The best part, particularly for SLPL owners with these folks on their rosters, is that minus Cody Bellinger every single remaining SLPL-rostered hitter hit a home run during the game. Check this out:
All of which did wonders for our Overall Standings. See here:
In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we ponder negative numbers …
Check this out:
Thirteen — of 36! — SLPL teams are playing the playoffs in the black … everyone else has negative numbers.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, SLPL owners, you can't score positive points? What, are you running the bases backwards? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
With the Indians out of it, so is my head for baseball. So …
Blah, blah, blah … Division Series complete … blah … Alec Puente leads to the Playoffs Standings … blah, blah …. Joe Kelley still leads the Overall Standings … blah … Championship Series to begin … SLPL point values go up again during this round of the playoffs… blah, blah, blah … good luck to those who still have a chance to win some monies.
In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we consider the roster of our current Playoffs standings leader …
Check out the roster that Jack Tripp, owner of Sandyeggo Padres, is sporting this postseason:
That's the roster that has Jack currently sitting in first place in the Playoffs. Yesterday alone he got dongs from Bryce Harper, Anthony Rizzo, George Springer, and Ryan Zimmerman. He even squeezed six Ks out of Robbie Ray. We don't know if this roster is built for the long postseason haul — he'll loses three players if the Nationals go down to the Cubs in the NLDS — but Jack has a decent mix of remaining playoff teams still standing. The amazing thing is that Jack didn't pick up any of these guys at the last minute … he made his last trade in June, which means he's been sitting on these guys since then.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Jack Tripp, how'd you do that? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
If this were a Sunday, this would be a Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Check this out:
Anyone see Jose Altuve's three dingers yesterday against the Red Sox? Man, the dude really had his swing against Chris Sale, one of those whole-body swings where you just throw every muscle around the moving bat. I bet you wish you had him on your playoff roster … like the prescient Alec Puente, owner of Get with the Programmer, who has taken a nice little 38-point lead in the Playoffs.
After an epic trip to see our nephew, Alternative Stats owner Marcus Rochellle, get married, we have now got things going for the playoffs. Which means, our spreadsheet is all up and running, rosters have been updated with trades, and playoff standings and stats have been populated with actual stats from the Wild Card games. Click here, or "Playoffs Standings" below each blog post, to see everything you need to see related to the playoffs.
By the way, stats for the postseason are recorded manually in this league, so do us a favor and let us know ASAP if we got something wrong. Is your roster not right? Let us know. Did we miss something in a game box score? Let us know.
Also by the way, the final Regular Season standings and stats are still available. Just click on "Regular Season" below each blog post.
Good luck to one and all this postseason!
Or, rather, my Los Monos de Pepinos say good riddance to a dreadful, dreadful season, but a lot of folks in the league aren’t doing that. Like, for example, the following particular folks, who will be celebrating tonight, after the last pitch of the last game, because they will be crowned champs of the 2017 SLPL Regular Season (assuming no one overtakes them on today’s action):
And then there's the folks who are still within shouting distance of the Overall Standings, the folks who will have made adept trades before the end of the trading deadline tonight to stock their rosters full of playoff players who will gain them playoff points and potentially waylay those adept trades into an Overall Championship. Is one of those folks you? Could be, right? So, get your trades in tonight, before the last pitch of the last game.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Los Monos de Pepinos, why couldn't you be one of the cool teams like that? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
BTW, if you’re making trades, please use this form.
Who to pick? Well, players who will be in the playoffs, obviously, preferably ones who you think will score big points for you. Click here for a reminder of how points are scored during each round of the playoffs.
The Regular Season comes to an end next Sunday, which means a whole new season begins, the playoffs. And because we are traveling a whole bunch over the next week — many of us to witness Alternative Stats owner Marcus Rochellle getting hitched — we are a bit freaked about being able to easily bring the season to an end. So, we're asking owners to feel completely and totally free to submit your end-of-season trades earlier rather than later. Beef up your roster with a slew of playoff players now!
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Regular Season, where in the ever-loving hotel did you go? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
- Their winning streak is more impressive than Oakland’s.
- Their winning streak is more impressive than the so-called record, too, because it’s an actual winning streak.
- They’ve hit more home runs during the streak than they’ve allowed runs.
- They’ve played 189 innings during the streak and trailed in just four.
- They’ve done this without two of their best players.
- They’re going to set a record for strikeouts by a pitching staff.
- Their hitters, on the other hand, do not strike out.
- They do, however, walk.
- They’re not the best offensive team in baseball because they haven’t been clutch.
- They hadn’t allowed a single unearned run during the streak until Wednesday.
- Their ace is not human.
- They love to throw curveballs.
- They love to throw cutters, too.
- They’ve got the best bullpen in baseball.
- They’ve thrown seven shutouts in the streak.
- They haven’t given up more than four runs in three weeks – since the first game of the streak.
- They haven’t wasted any time in pouncing on teams during the streak.
- They have hit as well with two strikes than any team this year – and especially during the streak.
- They have used only one player in all 21 games – and you probably have no idea who he is.
- They’re in awfully good company with the 1935 Cubs
- They have a shrine to Jobu.
Those of you not from Chicago likely don't get the reference, so here's a peak into the big, bad, grand, awesome, nifty, omnipresent world of Bob Rohrman:
The title of Joe's email was "No comment needed …"
Except: The organist, with that little dramatic organ sting about two seconds after the ball makes contact, is the funniest thing I have heard in my lifetime. I could watch and listen to that consecutively for the next week and never tire of it.
As Joe says, rules are rules.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, every other minor league baseball team, why can't you all have this rule? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
Hers was the last team to join the league, which gave us a nice-and-even 36 teams. Word has it that she didn't know what she was in for, didn't know what to expect, and didn't expect to do much in the league. But when the fog-of-the-war-of-attrition of an All-Star game cleared and Robinson Cano hit the dinger to propel the AL to the win, The Pretenders owner Susan Crohare ended up the winner of the SLPL's 2017 All-Star Championship.
With a sleek 250 points from the Derby, a hefty 150 points from Cano, four pitcher strikeouts, and only three hitter Ks, the rookie owner netted 425 total points, which was enough to beat Brian Thornburg's Carrboro T-Birds and Dan and Sue Klinkhamer's I'm Too Old for this Sh*t by 50 points.
League honchos are delighted to award Susie the All-Star crown and a most-excellent $200 prize, which will be delivered at the end of the season.
Meanwhile, #FAKE LEAGUE! Sad owner Susie Rochellle, who recruited Susie into the league, was quoted as saying about The Pretenders' win, "Fake news! Russian conspiracy! SAD!"
*This assumes we didn't make any mistakes. Which is to say, we may have messed up some of the math here since we had to manually transcribe each home run and strikeout by every hitter in the league. If we made any mistakes, please notify us ASAP so that we can make corrections. You will find our tracking under the All-Star Stats tab in our boffo spreadsheet!
Fifteen teams took an early 250-point lead in the All-Star standings, which raises the question: "How the ever-loving eff do only 15 SLPL teams have Aaron Judge?!" Sure he strikes out three times for every home run he hits, but that's still +7 points for every 11 at-bats. Anyway. Who am I to talk? I'm sitting in fourth place in La División Culantro.
More All-Star fun tonight, after which will will crown our first championship of the season and hand out a $200 prize. Good luck!
If you are unfamiliar, here are the rules for the SLPL’s All-Star Championship, which will be crowned at the conclusion of the All-Star game Tuesday night:
How do I score points for the All-Star Standings?
During the Home Run Derby...
- If a player on your roster wins the All-Star Home Run Derby, your team picks up 250 points
- Hitters earn 150 points for every home run hit
- Hitters lose 25 points for every K
- Pitchers earn 25 points for every K
- Pitchers lose 75 points for every homer surrendered
BTW, points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.
Oh, and don't forget: If you want to trade for a player to be on tomorrow's Home Run Derby roster, you must make the trade tonight.
The All-Star game is just around the corner and we will crown our fist season champ Tuesday night. Here's how this particular championship works.
If you’re strategerizing for the All-Star break, remember that trades made on one day are not in effect until the next day. So:
- If you want someone new on your roster for the Home Run Derby on Monday, you’ll have to submit your trade for that person tomorrow.
- If you want someone new on your roster for the All-Star game on Tuesday, you’ll have to submit your trade for that person on Monday.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, season ticket holders! It was Bark In the Park. Bark In the Park! Not Baaaa! In the Park! Get it straight! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
Oh, hey! Let's take a look at a microcosm of every mediocre American white man ever:
Um, well, folks. This is all a bit of an overreaction since it is freakin' impossible for Mr. Met to flip off fans since, well, hello, Mr. Met only has four fricken' fingers. (A favorite podcast covers the case well here starting at the 25:25 mark.)
- Bumgarner, Madison 60-DL
- Syndergaard, Noah 60-DL
- Trout, Mike 10-DL
- Salazar, Danny 10-DL
- Freeman, Freddie 10-DL
- Cespedes, Yoenis 10-DL
- Chapman, Aroldis 10-DL
On Friday night Hall of Fame pitcher Jim Bunning died, which means, Yay!, we will have a HOF Champ this season! LetsPlayCatch owner Weston Livernois and Farmer, Greene, and Romine owner Vince Livernois each scored 100 points while Get with the Programmer owner Alec Puente grabbed 75 points.
Here's a reminder of how points are awarded for the HOF Death Pool: Here's how points are awarded:
Points are earned by subtracting the reported age of the dirt-napper at the time of his death (rounded down to the most-recent birthday) from 100 and multiplying the result by 5. So: An 80-year-old would get 100-80=20*5=100 points. A 40-year-old would get 100-40=60*5=300 points.
In this instance, Bunning, aged 85, earned 100-85=15*5=75 points.
And here's how the Magic Number came into play to get Vince and Weston an extra 25 points:
For the HOF Death Pool, the team with the Magic Number closest to the Date-of-Death (DoD) will get an extra 25 points. … Note: More than one team can be awarded the extra points if their Magic Numbers are equidistant to the DoD. So, if Bob dies on the 15th and one team has 14 and another has 16, both teams will get the 25 extra points.
In this instance, Bunning died on the 26th; Vince has a Magic Number of 25 and Weston has 27.
And with that, Whiskey Tango Everloving Foxtrot, 2016 season, you couldn't give us at least one choice Hall of Fame death so that we could award a champ last season? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
As a side note: As bleeding heart liberals, we totally understand where I'm Too Old for this Sh*t co-owner Sue Klinkhamer is coming from in this Facebook exchange:
Time to clean house on NY Mets players as their training/conditioning staff seems to have taken a total leave of absence and is thus wreaking havoc on their roster after just a month of the season. Or, to quote one of them, "we don't need no stinking MRI's"….
Deegers Dogs owner DJay Andersen is taking a more wry, less peeved approach to the Noah drop:
Paxton is way easier to spell and his lat muscle works.
Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer, meanwhile, is letting his lifetime Mets fandom get the show through when dropping Noah from his SLPL roster:
Foxtrot the Baseball Gods this season...can't even enjoy this shit past May 1st!
We hear you, Kevin. The trades are coming fast and furious this season.
- We have 36 owners — same as last season — including a whopping five(!) new owners and at least one wayward daughter who has returned to the league after being gone for a few seasons
- We have a whopping $3,700 pot!
- Given said whopping pot, the minimum payout to any champ will be $175.
- Our website — your are looking at it right now — is already up and running, mostly.
- Our stats and standings are already up and running; you cal looked at the boxed-in frames version or the free-wheeling no-frames version. This is just an Excel spreadsheet converted to a web-page, so look for the tabs at the bottom of the page to navigate the various pages of information, including how our whopping pot is calculated and distributed.
Welcome to the 2017 Santa Lechuga Power League! Good luck. We hope you enjoy the five-cent Tequila Poppers and our trademarked Cabbage-On-a-Stick!
Good luck to one and all!
Also, officially (unless we learn in the next day or two that someone died under the deadline), no one won the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool monies for 2016, so we will put that big money into the big Pot for 2017.
While we get our act together and set up the league, here are some links you might find useful during the season: