Yeah, yeah, yeah, it took long enough for us to finally officially crown Joe Kelly, owner of Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox, as the 2017 Santa Lechuga Power League Overall Champion, but, hey, we have our reasons. First and foremost is, it wasn't really a surprise, was it? Oh, sure a single Correa home run would have catapulted I’m Maddon for Another One owner Kathy Lamkin into the top spot, but what were the odds of that, really? Except for a hiccup or two, Joe had a lock on this thing since mid-June. I mean, this was his season.
Second, look, we were traveling, we might have been a bit distracted, a bit tired, we might have had a drink or two … you know … you understand.
And, third, I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!
Anyway. Hey! Check that out! Joe Kelly won the Overall Championship of the 2017 season! Bitchen for him. As in, 935 bits of dollar-like bitcheness, plus a pass on next season's ownership fees, coming up to a grand total of about $1,035 worth of winnings. That's quite a season Joe put on.
In addition to the Overall Championship, Joe won the Hitting Championship and a Division Championship. He only won monies for the Overall Championship, which means the next most-deserving teams have are awarded the monies for the other categories Joe won. Though he doesn't get to scrape those cash-monies out of the Pot, he is still the official champ in those categories. In addition, he is an official winner of the Jim Cummings Cup, named after the 2005 Overall Champ, the late and much beloved Jim Cummings, and is given each year in honor of winning the Overall SLPL Championship.
And our other champs and money winners! Check them out. In all, $3,720 is being spread across ten winners, with another $200 going to whoever wins the HOF Death Pool.
Way to go, Joe! Way to go all you other champs and money-winners!
Following are all the official champs and final money-winners for the 2017 season:
- Overall Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
- Playoff Champ: Alec Puente, Get with the Programmer
- Regular Season Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
- Hitting Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
- Pitching Champ: Ray Brennan, The Mighty Trepidators
- All-Star Champ: Susan Crohare, The Pretenders
- La División Culantro Champ: Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers
- La División de Berros Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
- La División de Caña de Azúcar Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
- La División de Jamaica Champ: Scott Allen, Scoots Bigelow
- La División de la Calabaza Champ: Kathy Lamkin, I’m Maddon for Another One
- La División de la Cebolla Verde Champ: Jeren Livernois, Valar Morghulis
- $935 (plus next season's ownership fees) - Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox - Overall Champ
- $842.50 - Jeren Livernois, Valar Morghulis - La División de la Cebolla Verde Champ + next most deserving Hitting Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner + next most-deserving split for Regular Season Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
- $642.50 - Kathy Lamkin, I’m Maddon for Another One - La División de la Calabaza Champ + next most-deserving split for Regular Season Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
- $200 - Susan Crohare, The Pretenders - All-Star Champ
- $200 - Ray Brennan, The Mighty Trepidators - Pitching Champ
- $200 - Alec Puente, Get with the Programmer - Playoff Champ
- $175 - Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers - La División Culantro Champ
- $175 - Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped - La División de Caña de Azúcar Champ
- $175 - Scott Allen, Scoots Bigelow - La División de Jamaica Champ
- $175 - Aaron Pankoke, The Strokes - next most deserving for Division based on points replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
Congratulations to Joe Kelly and his Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox! Ccongrats to all our champs and money winners! And thanks to all of you for joining us for a most-excellent season. We look forward to seeing you all next year.
P.S. IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL MONEY-WINNERS: Please use this form to give us your preferred snail mail address so Rube can send your check. Or, if you would like him to send you a PayPal transfer, let us know that instead by including your PayPal information.
In Game 3 all but one SLPL hitter still in the playoffs hit a home run; Bellinger was the lone holdout. In last night's Game 5 all but one hit a home run; Corey Seager didn't go long. Check this out:
With all those home runs, havoc has been reeked in the SLPL Overall Standings. See?
While Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly still has a hold on 1st place, I'm Maddon for Another One owner Kathy Lamkin is hot on his tail, needing just one more home run from Carlos Correa to vault her into the top spot Overall.
It's been a wild-and-wooly playoffs, to be sure. Stay tuned!
In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we're not sure what we're TFing…
What's there to Tango Foxtrot? This World Series is going to at least six games! We are happy campers!
Then again, the longer the Dodgers are still alive the longer they aren't dead sooner. We need them dead sooner.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Houston Astros, you can't eliminate the Dodgers sooner?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
The Astros are up 2-1 and Alec Puente's Get with the Programmer continues to climb to the top of the Overall Standings after finishing the Regular Season in 30th place. Alec is now in 8th place Overall. Can the series go long enough for Alec win the 20017 crown? Stay tuned!
Man, what a game. And that's not the best part. The best part, particularly for SLPL owners with these folks on their rosters, is that minus Cody Bellinger every single remaining SLPL-rostered hitter hit a home run during the game. Check this out:
All of which did wonders for our Overall Standings. See here:
In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we ponder negative numbers …
Check this out:
Thirteen — of 36! — SLPL teams are playing the playoffs in the black … everyone else has negative numbers.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, SLPL owners, you can't score positive points? What, are you running the bases backwards? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
With the Indians out of it, so is my head for baseball. So …
Blah, blah, blah … Division Series complete … blah … Alec Puente leads to the Playoffs Standings … blah, blah …. Joe Kelley still leads the Overall Standings … blah … Championship Series to begin … SLPL point values go up again during this round of the playoffs… blah, blah, blah … good luck to those who still have a chance to win some monies.
In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we consider the roster of our current Playoffs standings leader …
Check out the roster that Jack Tripp, owner of Sandyeggo Padres, is sporting this postseason:
That's the roster that has Jack currently sitting in first place in the Playoffs. Yesterday alone he got dongs from Bryce Harper, Anthony Rizzo, George Springer, and Ryan Zimmerman. He even squeezed six Ks out of Robbie Ray. We don't know if this roster is built for the long postseason haul — he'll loses three players if the Nationals go down to the Cubs in the NLDS — but Jack has a decent mix of remaining playoff teams still standing. The amazing thing is that Jack didn't pick up any of these guys at the last minute … he made his last trade in June, which means he's been sitting on these guys since then.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Jack Tripp, how'd you do that? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
If this were a Sunday, this would be a Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Check this out:
Anyone see Jose Altuve's three dingers yesterday against the Red Sox? Man, the dude really had his swing against Chris Sale, one of those whole-body swings where you just throw every muscle around the moving bat. I bet you wish you had him on your playoff roster … like the prescient Alec Puente, owner of Get with the Programmer, who has taken a nice little 38-point lead in the Playoffs.
After an epic trip to see our nephew, Alternative Stats owner Marcus Rochellle, get married, we have now got things going for the playoffs. Which means, our spreadsheet is all up and running, rosters have been updated with trades, and playoff standings and stats have been populated with actual stats from the Wild Card games. Click here, or "Playoffs Standings" below each blog post, to see everything you need to see related to the playoffs.
By the way, stats for the postseason are recorded manually in this league, so do us a favor and let us know ASAP if we got something wrong. Is your roster not right? Let us know. Did we miss something in a game box score? Let us know.
Also by the way, the final Regular Season standings and stats are still available. Just click on "Regular Season" below each blog post.
Good luck to one and all this postseason!
Anyway, mixed in to all of Joe's dominance are some additional champs who were crowned at the end of yesterday’s action, which marked the official end of the 2017 Regular Season:
- La División Culantro - $175 - Valley Bombers (6), Jeff Burns
- La División de Berros - $175 - Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox (2), Joe Kelly
- La División de Caña de Azúcar - $175 - Dongwhipped (26), Kevin Klinkhamer
- La División de Jamaica - $175 - Scoots Bigelow (17), Scott Allen
- La División de la Calabaza - $175 - I'm Maddon for Another One (23), Kathy Lamkin
- La División de la Cebolla Verde - $175 - Valar Morghulis (30), Jeren Livernois
- Hitting Champ - $200 - Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox (2), Joe Kelly
- Pitching Champ - $200 - The Mighty Trepidators (29), Ray Brennan
- Regular Season Champ** - $825 - Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox (2), Joe Kelly
(By the way, actual money winners will be announced at the end of the playoffs, when the Overall Champ is crowned.)
In Other News
Owners can no longer make any trades for the 2017 season.
More In Other News
The playoffs are about to begin.
More Other News Still
As of 10:30 am Pacific time, we have not processed the trades that were submitted to us. Processing these may prove to be an all-week process since we are traveling and going to weddings and all. We'll get everything sorted out before the playoffs are over, we promise.*
Still More In Other News
Y’all need to know how points are awarded during the Wild Card and Divisional Playoffs. Here’s how:
- Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
- Hitters lose 2 points for every K
- Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
- Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered
*Promises not kept to be blamed on things outside our control, whether or not the things were actually in our control.
Or, rather, my Los Monos de Pepinos say good riddance to a dreadful, dreadful season, but a lot of folks in the league aren’t doing that. Like, for example, the following particular folks, who will be celebrating tonight, after the last pitch of the last game, because they will be crowned champs of the 2017 SLPL Regular Season (assuming no one overtakes them on today’s action):
And then there's the folks who are still within shouting distance of the Overall Standings, the folks who will have made adept trades before the end of the trading deadline tonight to stock their rosters full of playoff players who will gain them playoff points and potentially waylay those adept trades into an Overall Championship. Is one of those folks you? Could be, right? So, get your trades in tonight, before the last pitch of the last game.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Los Monos de Pepinos, why couldn't you be one of the cool teams like that? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
BTW, if you’re making trades, please use this form.
All of which is to say, we are hitting the road for points west, which means we might be a little slow updating the website and all. Bummer for us 'cause, you know, the whole End of the Regular Season Thing, but what are you going to do?
What we're going to do? We'll try to update things like standings and stats and end-of-season trades and major league announcements like crowning Regular Season Champs and such as quickly as we can, though we may be a little behind. Trust we will catch up soon enough, though, okay?
One big reminder before? All end-of-season trades need to be submitted before the last pitch of the last game of the Regular Season, which includes any tiebreakers to determine Wild Card participants. So, load up your team with playoff players before the last pitch of the last game of the Regular Season, 'k? Use this form to do so.
As has become our want, here's that nice video for you to enjoy until we get back.