SLPL '17 SANTA LECHUGA POWER LEAGUE
The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe!

We Are Going Dark

Speaking of the road to nowhere, we will be on the road and without the ability to update the website until Wednesday morning. If you make trades, you'll have to wait until we get back for us to process them, which will do retroactively to the date it should go into effect.





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My Season, Thus Far, Part 30

We're on the road to nowhere.
Oh sweet an automatic door, probably heads to an elevator!

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Epic Rant Is Epic

We here at the front offices of the Santa Lechuga Power League can go through an entire season without hearing a peep from our owners about how the league runs, what we might do to improve, what's top-of-mind about the league, what folks hate about the league, just how much folks hate us, etc. Heck, we have gone multiple seasons in a row without any commentary being shared with us, which is fine by us 'cause, you know, our egos are impenetrable and we wouldn't listen to what you're saying anyway. "Waaa. Waaa. Waaa. Is Charlie Brown's teacher talking or something?"

But then, last night happens, in what we imagine is the after-effect of many shots of some choice libations. This rant happens:
View post on imgur.com
Boy, howdy, that's so awesome. With all the earmarks of the Unabomber stumbling upon three cases of lost Scotch in a cabin with spotty Wifi connection that he is somehow compelled to use, this is a rant so excellent that we can honestly say that it reinvigorates our desire to have owners share their honest if unhinged thoughts about us with us more often. This is pure beauty. But, please, other owners, before you rant, use this template: Alcohol + Observations about League + Random Slams of Fellow Owners + Send Button. Anything less than that will fall very flat and not tickle us nearly as much.

While we will not disclose who shared this rant with us — we'll just say he wears jorts to dance around his moped every Mother's Day — we will say it is fun to see one of our owners rip this fantasy league apart while indiscriminately throwing other owners (well, just one other owner, to be fair) under the bus. Thanks, dancing jorts momma's boy, we needed that.

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Holy Canseco!

Buster Poser owner Joe Livernois sent us his bit of fun.

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Kershaw Down for Four to Six Weeks

Kershaw is down, maybe from four to six weeks, and now this choice: Do you waste a trade on him?

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Now That's A Selfie!

Bad. Alpha.
Selfie with my friends

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You've Got to Chug that Sierra

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, comes courtesy of Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly who somehow still has time leading the league to send us fun stuff like this …

As Joe says, rules are rules.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, every other minor league baseball team, why can't you all have this rule? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 29

My Monos on April 4th.
Learning to drive (Why did you hit my truck?)

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Star Wars But The Lightsabers Sound Like Owen Wilson Saying "Wow"

The Internet delivers.




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My Season, Thus Far, Part 28

Yep. That's about right.
That shot didn't go as planned
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 27

Man, my roster looked good at the very beginning. It was a can't-miss season. Oops.
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Bean Ball

They do things differently in Korea.




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Truck Tetris 101

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we witness a brilliant demonstration of Truck Tetris game play …

Sometimes, I seriously love the Internet:

Parking a truck
Whiskey Tango Everloving Foxtrot, awesome truck driver dude?! I have problems backing my sedan out of a one-car garage and yet you masterfully back up an 18-wheeler into a space meant for a two-by-four?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 26

Uh, oh. Now I am entering into the surreal phase of my 2017 season. I mean, do you have any concept of the number of mornings that have begun like this for me?.
Lazy Afternoon
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Behold the Bobblehead Museum at Marlins Park


Maddog Mauler's owner Michael Schoien sent us this link with the note that there's no commentary needed. Sorry, Maddog, but there's a ton of commentary needed, starting with how it is that no one reached out to us to include the last remaining Bobblehead-of-Lettuce! The single most notorious bobblehead in world history of bobbleheads doesn't get included in the Bobblehead Museum! That is an outrage!

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 25

Here we are, in the deadspot of the 2017 All-Star break, and I'm reflecting on how my season has gone so far. Here it is, my season summarized in a single GIF:
He'd better have a metal head
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Last Team In, First Champ Out: Susan Crohare Crowned All-Star Champ

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Hers was the last team to join the league, which gave us a nice-and-even 36 teams. Word has it that she didn't know what she was in for, didn't know what to expect, and didn't expect to do much in the league. But when the fog-of-the-war-of-attrition of an All-Star game cleared and Robinson Cano hit the dinger to propel the AL to the win, The Pretenders owner Susan Crohare ended up the winner of the SLPL's 2017 All-Star Championship.

With a sleek 250 points from the Derby, a hefty 150 points from Cano, four pitcher strikeouts, and only three hitter Ks, the rookie owner netted 425 total points, which was enough to beat Brian Thornburg's Carrboro T-Birds and Dan and Sue Klinkhamer's I'm Too Old for this Sh*t by 50 points.

League honchos are delighted to award Susie the All-Star crown and a most-excellent $200 prize, which will be delivered at the end of the season.

Meanwhile, #FAKE LEAGUE! Sad owner Susie Rochellle, who recruited Susie into the league, was quoted as saying about The Pretenders' win, "Fake news! Russian conspiracy! SAD!"

Congratulations, Susie!*

*This assumes we didn't make any mistakes. Which is to say, we may have messed up some of the math here since we had to manually transcribe each home run and strikeout by every hitter in the league. If we made any mistakes, please notify us ASAP so that we can make corrections. You will find our tracking under the All-Star Stats tab in our boffo spreadsheet!

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15 Teams Jump Ahead In All-Star Standings

17AllStar

Fifteen teams took an early 250-point lead in the All-Star standings, which raises the question: "How the ever-loving eff do only 15 SLPL teams have Aaron Judge?!" Sure he strikes out three times for every home run he hits, but that's still +7 points for every 11 at-bats. Anyway. Who am I to talk? I'm sitting in fourth place in La División Culantro.

More All-Star fun tonight, after which will will crown our first championship of the season and hand out a $200 prize. Good luck!

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Home Run Derby Tonight!

17AllStar

Some are hyping it as potentially the best Derby ever. We, on the other hand, will just be happy if the ultimate winner is on at least one of our SLPL rosters. As in, please don't let Miguel Sano or Justin Bour win. Please.

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The All-Star Break Begins Tomorrow

17AllStar

If you are unfamiliar, here are the rules for the SLPL’s All-Star Championship, which will be crowned at the conclusion of the All-Star game Tuesday night:

How do I score points for the All-Star Standings?
During the Home Run Derby...

  • If a player on your roster wins the All-Star Home Run Derby, your team picks up 250 points
During the All-Star Game...
  • Hitters earn 150 points for every home run hit
  • Hitters lose 25 points for every K
  • Pitchers earn 25 points for every K
  • Pitchers lose 75 points for every homer surrendered
The team with the most combined points — Home Run Derby points plus All-Star Game points — will win the All-Star Championship.

BTW, points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.

Oh, and don't forget: If you want to trade for a player to be on tomorrow's Home Run Derby roster, you must make the trade tonight.
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The All-Star Game Is Just Around The Corner

17AllStar

The All-Star game is just around the corner and we will crown our fist season champ Tuesday night. Here's how this particular championship works.

If you’re strategerizing for the All-Star break, remember that trades made on one day are not in effect until the next day. So:

  • If you want someone new on your roster for the Home Run Derby on Monday, you’ll have to submit your trade for that person tomorrow.
  • If you want someone new on your roster for the All-Star game on Tuesday, you’ll have to submit your trade for that person on Monday.
Use this handy form to submit your trades.
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Infield Triple

You don't see that every day.
Infield triple
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 24

Now you see it.
Seals are ????for ????
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 23

I thought I had a good thing coming.
DAMMIT HAMBURGLER.
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Four Things for the 4th

First for the 4th, Happy 4th of July!

Pasted Graphic
Photo from Babes Love Baseball

Second for the 4th, as is our want and tradition, below is our favorite 4th of July video, one we love a whole bunch but really love because of this lyric: “I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit | And your dog refused to look at it | So I got drunk and looked at the Empire State Building | It was no bigger than a nickel …” Check this out:






Third for the 4th, here is SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow (aka, Joe Livernois) giving it his best while conducting a rousing rendition of "Stars and Stripes Forever" with the Monterey Bay Symphony back in 2009:






Fourth for the 4th, we love this crowd-sourced video:





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Trump's Presidency, Thus Far, Part 2

It sounds scary because it is fricken scary.

Those who truly believe in this country, in freedom, in democracy, in justice, in truth, well, those people would be working to increase enfranchisement, not restrict it.

But this president? His political party and their cronies? These small, selfish, petty sons of bitches? They care only for their own power. And they figure if they can just get all the data in one place and if they can go through it, sorting by race and employment and political affiliation, if they can shape the data into some bogeyman of their own fevered creation, then they can find something to further their agenda of stealing this nation away from its people.

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You Misread Our Marketing Materials

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we ponder which of our season ticket holders brought their sheep to today's game …

Uh, guys?


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, season ticket holders! It was Bark In the Park. Bark In the Park! Not Baaaa! In the Park! Get it straight! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
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He's Right, He's Right

Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien sent us this link with the observation "It's what we live for in this league!!!" Interesting. So why don't I have more points than I do?

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