Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! you son of a toilet-scrubber?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
It's not as if America needed another dirt poor non-skilled toilet-scrubber during the Depression. We had plenty of natural born Americans of our own who needed jobs and would have done anything to get them, including scrubbing toilets. What merit did Mary Ann MacLeod have? Why should she been allowed to come here and take a job, money, a desperately needed livelihood, from an American?
Except, maybe there's more to the story?
Of course, there's always more to the story, which may explain why the original Tweeter took the original Tweet down.
For the price of this pure idiocy, 10,000 vets could get a $1000 apartment for a year.
You want to honor the military?— Stonekettle (@Stonekettle) July 21, 2018
Instead of making them march through the capitol like fucking Soviets parading through Red Square, give them a day off with their families and spend the money on medical care, education, and better equipment. https://t.co/aGV7FKvFnT
He got the Home Run Derby Points. He got the Judge, Trout, and Springer HR points. He got the Sale, Severino, and Scherzer K points. And though his hitters struck out five times and his pitchers gave up a dong, those losses weren't too much fo keep Vince Livernois and his Citizen Inane from winning the 2018 All-Star Championship in the Santa Lechuga Power League, the first official championship awarded for the 2018 season.* And, man, what an All-Star Game! Ten total HRs and 23 total strikeouts Man. For his win, Vince pulls a cool 200 clams out of the coffers and the adoration of 35 other owners who wish they could have won 200 cool clams. (Since in the end it may be more than $200, depending on league trading activity, we will be delivered Vince's winnings at the end of the season.) Congratulations to Vince Livernois!
*This assumes we didn't make any mistakes. Which is to say, we may have messed up some of the math here since we had to manually enter each of those ten home runs and 23 strikeouts for every team in the league. If we made any mistakes, please notify us ASAP so that we can make corrections. You will find our tracking under the All-Star Stats tab in our boffo spreadsheet!
Twenty-eight teams took an early 250-point lead in the All-Star standings, which raises the question: "How the ever-loving eff do only 28 SLPL teams have Bryce Harper?!" Sure, he's not leading the league in HRs and he strikes out at an incredibly uncomfortable rate — Christ, is it possible he has 102 Ks already?!?! — but he's still a net positive of +127 so far this season, so, you know, he has that going for him. Oh, and the 2018 Derby trophy.
Who am I to talk? I'm sitting in third place in La División Culantro.
More All-Star fun Tuesday night, after which will will crown our first championship of the season and hand out a $200 prize.
By the way, we're traveling tomorrow, which means we may not be able to announce the winner and update the website until Thursday morning. Sorry about that, folks.
If you are unfamiliar, or just don't remember, here are the rules for the SLPL’s All-Star Championship, which will be crowned at the conclusion of the All-Star game Tuesday night:
How do I score points for the All-Star Standings?
During the Home Run Derby...
- If a player on your roster wins the All-Star Home Run Derby, your team picks up 250 points
During the All-Star Game...
- Hitters earn 150 points for every home run hit
- Hitters lose 25 points for every K
- Pitchers earn 25 points for every K
- Pitchers lose 75 points for every homer surrendered
The team with the most combined points — Home Run Derby points plus All-Star Game points — will win the All-Star Championship.
BTW, points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.
First up? Tonight's Home Run Derby, worth 250 points.
They just can't help being craven heinous idiots.
With all the shitty things going on in the world, it's important to remember that humans can be pretty amazing when they have to be.— Stonekettle (@Stonekettle) July 8, 2018
The first group of kids is this morning safely out of the cave. https://t.co/DeYa20tgcW
Photo from Babes Love Baseball
Second for the 4th, as is our want and tradition, below is our favorite 4th of July video, one we love a whole bunch but really love because of this lyric: “I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit | And your dog refused to look at it | So I got drunk and looked at the Empire State Building | It was no bigger than a nickel …” Check this out:
Third for the 4th, here is SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow (aka, Joe Livernois) giving it his best while conducting a rousing rendition of "Stars and Stripes Forever" with the Monterey Bay Symphony back in 2009:
Fourth for the 4th, we love this crowd-sourced video:
By way of Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer in the Twitterverse (catch him at @kpklink78), we got a message saying "Not on consecutive pitches like the guy in Oakland, but still unbelievable this has occurred twice in one half of a season."
Baseball is a game of redemption.
Way to make the play! (The second time 😬)
📽:@Cut4 pic.twitter.com/N51AxeYQqg— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) June 30, 2018