"Yeah, well, see, okay … being champion of this dopey little fantasy league is almost getting too easy," DJay said via Zoom while hanging out in his Mexican enclave, which he purchased with last season's winnings. "I won handily last year, you guys changed the rules on me, but then I won again. What are you going to do next year, give everyone a thousand-point handicap just to see if they can be competitive? I wouldn't blame you if you tried something nefarious, but I have enough confidence after winning two seasons in a row that I will not only win but I will lap half of the field three times."
I mean, damn, right? He's just that good.
In addition to being crowned the 2020+ Overall Champ, DJay was also crowned as MLB Team co-champ and Pitching co-champ.
"It was a hell of a season," DJay said. "I want to thank the chowderheads in the front offices for putting up a unique set of obstacles during this pandemic so I could cut through them like a hot knife through cold butter. It actually made the season interesting for about seven seconds."
As Commissioner Rube Furrow symbolically handed DJay the Jim Cummings Cub via Zoom, his Internet connection became unstable and it sounded like he said something approximating "We [garbled] [garbled] [garbled] -derson [silence] [freeze] and his incred- [garbled] -ing Internet connec- [garbled] [garbled] take my f-[freeze]-ing anger out an [garbled] [freeze] these assh- [garbled] but anyway [garbled] [long freeze] [garbled] -uga Power League. Congratulations, DJay."
Immediately after the award presentation, some anonymous sources speculated that Furrow didn't have a bad Internet connection but instead sounded that way because he always sounds that way at the beginning of his customary off-season benders, which begins the moment the season ends.
The Jim Cummings Cup is named after the 2005 Overall Champ, who died in 2013, and is given each year in honor of winning the Overall SLPL Championship. It’s a coffee cup, not an athletic cup, though league head honchos are rethinking that choice, given that Jim was said to be an excellent ballplayer.
And here are the official money-winners:
Now, DJay, Aaron, Mike, Paul, Sue, Jack, Brandon, and Josh … please use your Contact Us page to let us know how you would like us to transmit your winnings.
Congrats to all of our champs and co-champs, especially Overall Champ DJay Anderson! Go easy on us next year, won't you?
Thanks, all, for playing this season. We hope to see you next year!