But today's WTF?! doesn't go to Wallygator, who actually made a valiant effort to help the kid. Instead, check out the dude in the white shirt sitting in front of him. That has to be about the weakest, sorriest, non-beer-holding foul ball effort I have ever witnessed. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, front-row-sitting, weak-sauce, pathetic white guy? You couldn't stand up and lean back to catch the foul ball? You make me sad to share a species with you. Seriously? W?! T?! F?!
In the meantime, let's just go sit back and enjoy this single greatest (NSFW) fight scene in recorded history, shall we?
And why not enjoy Al trying to make heads or tails of Woo's report of a drug theft (also NWFW, clearly)? "Yeah, I'm glad I taught you that f&*!@'in word."
Note that we are even featuring new Division names this season, courtesy of league linguist and Que América Sea Grande owner Jennifer Leigh. Thanks, Jenny! You are doing your best to make the league great again and we really appreciate that.
Please, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org ASAP to tell us you paid, how you paid, and offer up any evidence that you did, in fact, pay.
Unfortunately, ten owners haven't yet paid for their teams, which means we will have to show them the exits come Monday if they still haven't paid, which means our Pot will go down, which would be very disappointing. Don't disappoint us.
Pay for your team. And let Pedregoso know you paid (by e-mailing a copy of your check register, your PayPal receipt, a picture of the check, something, anything, please).
Here's who has paid and who hasn't:
Pretty sweet, right? Unfortunately, lots of folks haven't paid their ownership fees yet. Or, rather, we haven't received payment yet from lots of folks. Heads up: If we don't receive payment (or have pretty good evidence that you paid) by next Monday, we are going to have to remove you from the league. And, unfortunately, our go-to banker, the Commissioner Rube Furrow, is out of the country for two weeks so we won't have any idea that your payment has arrived in the meantime.
So, we have a massive request: If you have sent payment in any form or fashion (e.g., by check or by PayPal) to Rube, please notify Pedregoso Rios by e-mail — email@example.com — as soon as possible. While you're at it, please provide any evidence you may have. Have a PayPal receipt via e-mail? Please forward it to Pedregoso. Have a check register with your entry capturing payment? Take a picture and send it. Have only your word of honor? Please send it, and make it sound good.
We don't want to kick you out of the league — we, too, are transfixed by the size of the Pot — but we will show you the exit doors if you don't show payment by next Monday. So, please, show payment. Or, you know, pay ASAP and show us that you did.
Here's the list of folks from who we have not yet heard:
First, click Menu above, then click Today's HRs:
Scroll down and you will see a list of the most recent HRs hit.
CBSSportsline used to have today's strikeouts, but they have unfortunately discontinued that site.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, WhatCulture? All you needed to do was to explain the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey to me. That's all. That's it. The other nine movies? Meh. Just explain 2001, okay? But you couldn't do that? I didn't get it, much less get it wrong, but I just sat through nine other movies to learn that you were as baffled as me? W?! T?! F?!
As an owner of a shiny new 2017 Santa Lechuga team, it's important that you understand how she runs. So today we are talking about trades.
You have eight trades in the bank; you pre-paid for those when you paid your entry fees. (Wait a minute … have you paid your entry fees yet? If not, we can't process any trades for you. So, please pay your ownership entry fees, then make your trades, 'k?) You might have a couple more for paying before Opening Day. And maybe even more for recruiting new owners. You can use these trades any time before the end of the Regular Season. When you make a pre-paid trade it goes in effect the day after you submitted it. (Generally speaking, we aren't hard-alphas about this. If you make a trade one minute after midnight even though you tried to get it in at 11:59 pm, we're going to process it for you that same morning. The key is, make sure the trade is waiting for us when we roll out of bed in the morning.)
To submit a trade click the menu above, then click Make a Trade:
From there, fill out the form, double-check everything, then hit Submit at the bottom of the form.
Just about as easy as it sounds.
One last thing: We don't give refunds on unused trades. So, you know, use them.
In the meantime, with everything up and running and with you all able to navigate the site, we now need your help. Please:
- Check your roster. Go to Standings and click the "Rosters" tab. Now, find your team and review your roster. Does it look right? Did I accidentally give you Jonah A. Arenado instead of Nolan Arenado? We ask because we had to enter each roster manually, which opens up the possibility that we made mistakes. In fact, this is the precise mistake we made on Mike Skoien's Maddog's Maulers roster for the second season in a row, which he helpfully let us know about without rage-quitting the league, somehow. So, if we made a mistake on your roster and gave you a wrong player, let us know ASAP. And don't rage-quit. Fixing our mistakes won't count as a trade, we promise.
- Check your Hall-of-Fame Death Pool roster. This one is easier since we just copied-and-pasted directly from your submitted roster, but it's still a good idea to double-check.
- Make note of your Hall-of-Fame Magic Number. There is no right or wrong here, but we want you to be aware of your Magic Number. It's the number in parentheses next to your team name. (We assigned the first 30 teams a Magic Number — a single number from 1 to 30 — based on the order in which they joined the league. So, the fifth team to join got Magic Number 5. For each remaining team, a Magic Number from 1 to 30 was drawn from a hat.
Speaking of which, has anyone seen Rube? We heard he began a 1,000-stop 3,131-mile intercontinental pub crawl — starting in Madawaska, Maine, and ending in El Centro, California — the day after the World Series ended last year, but never heard whether he made it home.
Rube? Are you out there? Can you send us a message of some kind? We might start to get worried about you if you don't respond soon.
If you have not discovered how to get to the standings and stats, click the menu icon that looks like this:
Then click on this:
To get to this:
You have the option this season to open the standings spreadsheet so it fills your entire browser window. Just click on this:
To get this.
- We have 36 owners — same as last season — including a whopping five(!) new owners and at least one wayward daughter who has returned to the league after being gone for a few seasons
- We have a whopping $3,700 pot!
- Given said whopping pot, the minimum payout to any champ will be $175.
- Our website — your are looking at it right now — is already up and running, mostly.
- Our stats and standings are already up and running; you cal looked at the boxed-in frames version or the free-wheeling no-frames version. This is just an Excel spreadsheet converted to a web-page, so look for the tabs at the bottom of the page to navigate the various pages of information, including how our whopping pot is calculated and distributed.
Welcome to the 2017 Santa Lechuga Power League! Good luck. We hope you enjoy the five-cent Tequila Poppers and our trademarked Cabbage-On-a-Stick!
Good luck to one and all!
Also, officially (unless we learn in the next day or two that someone died under the deadline), no one won the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool monies for 2016, so we will put that big money into the big Pot for 2017.
While we get our act together and set up the league, here are some links you might find useful during the season:
Happy True-and-Official SLPL Opening Day, the happiest day of the year because every team is in first place. You might actually-for-truly win this season!
Here are a few last minute notes about the 2017 season of the Santa Lechuga Power League:
- Rosters are due by the first pitch of today’s first game. Get 'em in by 1:05 EST.
- If you already submitted a roster, you can still adjust your roster without counting it as a trade until first pitch. Like, what if someone on a roster you submitted got hurt in yesterday's fake Opening Day games? Well, you can make adjustments to said roster for free right up until final rosters are due. Just use the Handy Dandy Trading form until first pitch. All transactions after that will count toward your paid trades.
- It’s still not too late to recruit. A new owner nets you a free trade. Three new owners net you three free trades. Send 'em to santa-lechuga.com and tell them to get a roster in pronto.
One last thing: A couple of you have paid us money but have not submitted a roster. Don’t forget to send us a roster, okay?
We are looking forward to another great season!
For those who don't know, the Santa Lechuga Power League features a Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. Click here to see how it works. As stated in the rules, each season's Death Pool runs from first pitch of one season to the first pitch of the following season, then the champ is crowned. This means that we still have one payout to make for the 2016 season. Unfortunately, no HOFers have passed on to the big sleep over this period of time … which means we will likely have to add that $200 to this year's Pot. Sad, us, right?
Incidentally, if you're skeeved out by our Death Pool, you are not required to play. You can opt out by leaving the HOF portion of your roster submission blank.
The Santa Lechuga Power League is a campy little fantasy baseball league. It’s no slick-CBS-Sportsline-type league where nobody knows anybody and everybody just wants to end up in the 51st-percentile or above to get bragging rights over a bunch of strangers. Instead, the SLPL is made up of family and friends and extended family and friends of brothers Joe Livernois and Tony Livernois, who run the thing for their own amusement and for the amusement of said family and friends and extended family and friends. And because Jay (as his family knows him) and Tony are simple-minded goofs, they run a simple, goofy little league with big-time payouts. Points are earned using home runs and strikeouts. That's it. Oh, and as a side bet we track the heartbeats of Hall-of-Famers in our exclusive (but entirely optional) Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. It’s that easy.
If you’re thinking about joining, here are six basic steps you need to complete to become a new owner:
- Learn the rules. Abide.
- See the payouts. Drool.
- Review our tutorial for picking a roster. Learn.
- Select your team and submit your roster. Good luck!
- Pay already. Like, before Opening Day so you can earn two free trades.
- Contact us. But only with compliments or questions. No whining. We hate whining. We hate whining so much that we almost sound like we are whining when we express how much we hate whining.
And if you’re looking for a little light reading once the season gets started, why not catch up on the History of the SLPL or read up on the evil Bobblehead-of-Lettuce?
We hope you can join!
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, us! There's no way in the world we could ever come up with something so cool. Should we just get stop the debate and ditch of the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce now? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?! Or, as it is know in some corners of the world, "Sheeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttt!
Nope. We encourage an active ownership group that's vying to win, not half-assers who sit around waiting for refunds because they forgot to use their trades. Use 'em or lose 'em, baby. Use 'em or lose 'em.
Question: I was browsing the site. Remind me again what happened to the Power-Hitting Pitchers division?
It's gone. Besides being a real beta to manually track home runs hit by pitchers, it just didn't ganger the type of owner excitement to justify having its own payout. With one fewer payout, we will have more monies to spread to the other champs.
Question: What are the downsides to asking owners to pay $100 up front?
Fewer teams. Though, it should be noted that we ended up with only four fewer teams last season than previous seasons, and our Pot last was actually quite a bit higher at the end of the season. In 2014, with 40 teams, our Pot was $2,300. In 2016, with 36 teams, the Pot was $3,650.
In addition to the fact that Commissioner Rube Furrow won't need to pull monies out of his own pockets each year to pay the winners, the league ended up with a higher proportion of owners who are real players and a lower proportion of apathetic owners (who always seem to be the ones who skip out on paying what they owe, anyway). Oh, and did we mention that our Pot last year got up to $3,650? Yeah, our owners got paid all that … and faster than previous seasons because we already had all the money to distribute.
Question: You mean payouts to champs didn't go down?
In fact, as mentioned above, payouts went up. A bunch. The minimum payout in 2016 was $175, which doubled the minimum payout from the 2014 season.
Question: How do I submit a team and pay my entry fee?
That's the spirit! Submit a roster here. Pay your entry fee here.
His advice at the end, it is sound. But really, dude needs to chill. We aren't that bad.
The key takeaway? That the Santa Lechuga Power League fills the gaping vacuum in the universe known as “decent fantasy baseball.” How could you possibly not join?
By the way, where you see the date in the video for March 23, 2011? Yeah, ignore that. Think Monday, April 3, 2017. That's when you need to have your rosters to us for this season.