SLPL '17 SANTA LECHUGA POWER LEAGUE
The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe!

Jim Cummings Cup (Finally) Awarded to Joe Kelly; Final 2017 Champs and Money Winners Announced


Yeah, yeah, yeah, it took long enough for us to finally officially crown Joe Kelly, owner of Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox, as the 2017 Santa Lechuga Power League Overall Champion, but, hey, we have our reasons. First and foremost is, it wasn't really a surprise, was it? Oh, sure a single Correa home run would have catapulted I’m Maddon for Another One owner Kathy Lamkin into the top spot, but what were the odds of that, really? Except for a hiccup or two, Joe had a lock on this thing since mid-June. I mean, this was his season.

Second, look, we were traveling, we might have been a bit distracted, a bit tired, we might have had a drink or two … you know … you understand.

And, third, I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!

Anyway. Hey! Check that out! Joe Kelly won the Overall Championship of the 2017 season! Bitchen for him. As in, 935 bits of dollar-like bitcheness, plus a pass on next season's ownership fees, coming up to a grand total of about $1,035 worth of winnings. That's quite a season Joe put on.

In addition to the Overall Championship, Joe won the Hitting Championship and a Division Championship. He only won monies for the Overall Championship, which means the next most-deserving teams have are awarded the monies for the other categories Joe won. Though he doesn't get to scrape those cash-monies out of the Pot, he is still the official champ in those categories. In addition, he is an official winner of the Jim Cummings Cup, named after the 2005 Overall Champ, the late and much beloved Jim Cummings, and is given each year in honor of winning the Overall SLPL Championship.

And our other champs and money winners! Check them out. In all, $3,720 is being spread across ten winners, with another $200 going to whoever wins the HOF Death Pool.

Way to go, Joe! Way to go all you other champs and money-winners!

Following are all the official champs and final money-winners for the 2017 season:

2017 Champs
End-of-Season Champs

  • Overall Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
  • Playoff Champ: Alec Puente, Get with the Programmer
Regular Season Champs
  • Regular Season Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
  • Hitting Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
  • Pitching Champ: Ray Brennan, The Mighty Trepidators
  • All-Star Champ: Susan Crohare, The Pretenders
  • La División Culantro Champ: Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers
  • La División de Berros Champ: Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox
  • La División de Caña de Azúcar Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
  • La División de Jamaica Champ: Scott Allen, Scoots Bigelow
  • La División de la Calabaza Champ: Kathy Lamkin, I’m Maddon for Another One
  • La División de la Cebolla Verde Champ: Jeren Livernois, Valar Morghulis
2017 Money-Winners
  • $935 (plus next season's ownership fees) - Joe Kelly, Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox - Overall Champ
  • $842.50 - Jeren Livernois, Valar Morghulis - La División de la Cebolla Verde Champ + next most deserving Hitting Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner + next most-deserving split for Regular Season Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
  • $642.50 - Kathy Lamkin, I’m Maddon for Another One - La División de la Calabaza Champ + next most-deserving split for Regular Season Champ replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
  • $200 - Susan Crohare, The Pretenders - All-Star Champ
  • $200 - Ray Brennan, The Mighty Trepidators - Pitching Champ
  • $200 - Alec Puente, Get with the Programmer - Playoff Champ
  • $175 - Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers - La División Culantro Champ
  • $175 - Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped - La División de Caña de Azúcar Champ
  • $175 - Scott Allen, Scoots Bigelow - La División de Jamaica Champ
  • $175 - Aaron Pankoke, The Strokes - next most deserving for Division based on points replacing Joe Kelly as money winner
There's still one payout to be made for the season since we extend our Hall-of-Fame Death Pool for each season until the beginning of the next season. This means that we will start next season by handing out a check to our final winner. Farmer, Greene, and Romine owner Vince Livernois and LetsPlayCatch owner Weston Livernois currently lead the HOF Deal Pool with 100 points.

Congratulations to Joe Kelly and his Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox! Ccongrats to all our champs and money winners! And thanks to all of you for joining us for a most-excellent season. We look forward to seeing you all next year.

Pedregoso

P.S. IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL MONEY-WINNERS: Please use this form to give us your preferred snail mail address so Rube can send your check. Or, if you would like him to send you a PayPal transfer, let us know that instead by including your PayPal information.
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Of Course It's Going to a Game 7

World Series2017WSMLB World Series

How could it not go to a Game 7. Hold onto your ballcaps. It's gonna be a wild ride.

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Joe Kelly Holding Onto First Place by His Cuticles

MLB World Series

In Game 3 all but one SLPL hitter still in the playoffs hit a home run; Bellinger was the lone holdout. In last night's Game 5 all but one hit a home run; Corey Seager didn't go long. Check this out:

Game 5

With all those home runs, havoc has been reeked in the SLPL Overall Standings. See?

Game 5 Standings

While Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly still has a hold on 1st place, I'm Maddon for Another One owner Kathy Lamkin is hot on his tail, needing just one more home run from Carlos Correa to vault her into the top spot Overall.

It's been a wild-and-wooly playoffs, to be sure. Stay tuned!

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The Longer the Dodgers Are Still Alive ...

2017WS

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we're not sure what we're TFing…

What's there to Tango Foxtrot? This World Series is going to at least six games! We are happy campers!

Then again, the longer the Dodgers are still alive the longer they aren't dead sooner. We need them dead sooner.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Houston Astros, you can't eliminate the Dodgers sooner?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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Astros Go Up 2-1; Puente Still Climbing

World Series

The Astros are up 2-1 and Alec Puente's Get with the Programmer continues to climb to the top of the Overall Standings after finishing the Regular Season in 30th place. Alec is now in 8th place Overall. Can the series go long enough for Alec win the 20017 crown? Stay tuned!

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Everyone But Cody

World Series

Man, what a game. And that's not the best part. The best part, particularly for SLPL owners with these folks on their rosters, is that minus Cody Bellinger every single remaining SLPL-rostered hitter hit a home run during the game. Check this out:

Game 2 Stats

All of which did wonders for our Overall Standings. See here:

Game 2 Standings

This is what makes the SLPL playoffs awesome.

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Did You Get the Memo, Houston?

World Series

Look, Houston, you dispensed with the Yankees. We appreciate that. But that won't let you off the hook if the Dodgers beat you in the World Series. Do something about that.

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Thank. You. Houston.

2017 Championship Series AL

There's no Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot this week. Houston eliminated the Yankees so we are taking a reprieve from the WTF?! We mean, what's to be upset about?

Thank you, Astros!

Now, do it for J.R. Richard!

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I Will Always Take A Game 7

2017 Championship Series AL

Thanks for extending this to a Game 7, Houston!

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Let Me Repeat: There Will Be No Repeat

2017 Championship Series NL

Really, Cubs? You couldn't eliminate the despised Dodgers? Damnit.

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We Have A Problem


2017 Championship Series

Also known as: Houston.

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Unacceptable

2017 Championship Series AL

Damnit, Houston! On the upside, Frazier and Judge hit dongs, which brought a bunch of SLPL owners up above zero again.

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Two More Go Sub-Zero

2017 Championship Series NL

That's two more teams who are sub-zero. Wow, this is one of the least exciting SLPL playoff seasons ever.

Sub-Zero

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"These Go Below Zero"


2017 Championship Series

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we ponder negative numbers …

Check this out:

Negative Numbers

Thirteen — of 36! — SLPL teams are playing the playoffs in the black … everyone else has negative numbers.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, SLPL owners, you can't score positive points? What, are you running the bases backwards? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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Acceptable

2017 Championship Series AL

Thanks, Houston.

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On to the Championship Series

2017 LDS

With the Indians out of it, so is my head for baseball. So …

Blah, blah, blah … Division Series complete … blah … Alec Puente leads to the Playoffs Standings … blah, blah …. Joe Kelley still leads the Overall Standings … blah … Championship Series to begin … SLPL point values go up again during this round of the playoffs… blah, blah, blah … good luck to those who still have a chance to win some monies.

After the LDS

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Talk About Unacceptable

2017 LDS

I recommend not talking to me about the Indians until someone eliminates the Yankees from the playoffs.

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Playoffs? What Playoffs?

2017 LDS

Rain chased the playoffs away. For a day.

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Unacceptable, Take 2

2017 LDS

Damnit, Indians. Allowing the Yankees to take you to a Game 5? This is not in any way acceptable. It's almost as bad as the Diamondbacks allowing the Dodgers to advance to the NLCS.

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Unacceptable

2017 LDS

Damnit, Indians. Losing to the Yankees is unacceptable.

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I Wonder If He Is Using the Same Wind We Are Using

2017 LDS

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we consider the roster of our current Playoffs standings leader …

Check out the roster that Jack Tripp, owner of Sandyeggo Padres, is sporting this postseason:

Tripp

That's the roster that has Jack currently sitting in first place in the Playoffs. Yesterday alone he got dongs from Bryce Harper, Anthony Rizzo, George Springer, and Ryan Zimmerman. He even squeezed six Ks out of Robbie Ray. We don't know if this roster is built for the long postseason haul — he'll loses three players if the Nationals go down to the Cubs in the NLDS — but Jack has a decent mix of remaining playoff teams still standing. The amazing thing is that Jack didn't pick up any of these guys at the last minute … he made his last trade in June, which means he's been sitting on these guys since then.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Jack Tripp, how'd you do that? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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Kershaw + Kluber + Sale = -56 Points

2017 LDS

If this were a Sunday, this would be a Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Check this out:

Screen Shot 2017-10-07 at 9.12.22 AM

Yeah, you see that? The three best pitcher in baseball are a combined minus-56 points in October. You explain things to me.

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Altuve!

2017 LDS

Anyone see Jose Altuve's three dingers yesterday against the Red Sox? Man, the dude really had his swing against Chris Sale, one of those whole-body swings where you just throw every muscle around the moving bat. I bet you wish you had him on your playoff roster … like the prescient Alec Puente, owner of Get with the Programmer, who has taken a nice little 38-point lead in the Playoffs.

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And, We're (Finally) Off!

mlb 2017 wild card

After an epic trip to see our nephew, Alternative Stats owner Marcus Rochellle, get married, we have now got things going for the playoffs. Which means, our spreadsheet is all up and running, rosters have been updated with trades, and playoff standings and stats have been populated with actual stats from the Wild Card games. Click here, or "Playoffs Standings" below each blog post, to see everything you need to see related to the playoffs.

By the way, stats for the postseason are recorded manually in this league, so do us a favor and let us know ASAP if we got something wrong. Is your roster not right? Let us know. Did we miss something in a game box score? Let us know.

Playoffs Spreadsheet

Also by the way, the final Regular Season standings and stats are still available. Just click on "Regular Season" below each blog post.

Good luck to one and all this postseason!

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Joe Kelly Crowned 2017 Regular Season Champ!

Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly was crowned the 2017 Santa Lechuga Power League Regular Season Champion after Sunday's action, which will grant him the right the scrape out $825 from The Pot. Not only did Joe win the Regular Season Championship, but he was also crowned the La División de Berros Champ and the Hitting Champ. Out of the 180+ days the season lasted, he was at the top of the standings for 108 days. Dude had a commanding season.

Anyway, mixed in to all of Joe's dominance are some additional champs who were crowned at the end of yesterday’s action, which marked the official end of the 2017 Regular Season:
  • La División Culantro - $175 - Valley Bombers (6), Jeff Burns
  • La División de Berros - $175 - Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox (2), Joe Kelly
  • La División de Caña de Azúcar - $175 - Dongwhipped (26), Kevin Klinkhamer
  • La División de Jamaica - $175 - Scoots Bigelow (17), Scott Allen
  • La División de la Calabaza - $175 - I'm Maddon for Another One (23), Kathy Lamkin
  • La División de la Cebolla Verde - $175 - Valar Morghulis (30), Jeren Livernois
  • Hitting Champ - $200 - Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox (2), Joe Kelly
  • Pitching Champ - $200 - The Mighty Trepidators (29), Ray Brennan
  • Regular Season Champ** - $825 - Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox (2), Joe Kelly
Congratulations to Joe Kelly and to all our Regular Season champs!

(By the way, actual money winners will be announced at the end of the playoffs, when the Overall Champ is crowned.)

In Other News
Owners can no longer make any trades for the 2017 season.

More In Other News
The playoffs are about to begin.

More Other News Still
As of 10:30 am Pacific time, we have not processed the trades that were submitted to us. Processing these may prove to be an all-week process since we are traveling and going to weddings and all. We'll get everything sorted out before the playoffs are over, we promise.*

Still More In Other News
Y’all need to know how points are awarded during the Wild Card and Divisional Playoffs. Here’s how:
  • Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
  • Hitters lose 2 points for every K
  • Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
  • Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered
Good luck to all y’alls during the playoffs!

*Promises not kept to be blamed on things outside our control, whether or not the things were actually in our control.
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Be One of the Cool Kids

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we say so long to a dreadful Regular Season …

Or, rather, my Los Monos de Pepinos say good riddance to a dreadful, dreadful season, but a lot of folks in the league aren’t doing that. Like, for example, the following particular folks, who will be celebrating tonight, after the last pitch of the last game, because they will be crowned champs of the 2017 SLPL Regular Season (assuming no one overtakes them on today’s action):

SLPL RS Champs to Be

And then there's the folks who are still within shouting distance of the Overall Standings, the folks who will have made adept trades before the end of the trading deadline tonight to stock their rosters full of playoff players who will gain them playoff points and potentially waylay those adept trades into an Overall Championship. Is one of those folks you? Could be, right? So, get your trades in tonight, before the last pitch of the last game.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Los Monos de Pepinos, why couldn't you be one of the cool teams like that? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

BTW, if you’re making trades, please use this form.

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The Whole Darned Deal

We mentioned last Sunday that Alternative Stats owner Marcus Rochellle, a.k.a., Malcolm Foley, is getting married this coming Monday to Candice Cockrell, which everyone recognizes ups his Whole Darned Deal average by a good 277 percent. This is really saying something because Marcus is a pretty bitchen dude to begin with, but, you know, c'mon, he just isn't the whole darned deal yet. A someone like a Marcus joins up with a someone like a Candice and, man … that's the whole darned deal.

All of which is to say, we are hitting the road for points west, which means we might be a little slow updating the website and all. Bummer for us 'cause, you know, the whole End of the Regular Season Thing, but what are you going to do?

What we're going to do? We'll try to update things like standings and stats and end-of-season trades and major league announcements like crowning Regular Season Champs and such as quickly as we can, though we may be a little behind. Trust we will catch up soon enough, though, okay?

One big reminder before? All end-of-season trades need to be submitted before the last pitch of the last game of the Regular Season, which includes any tiebreakers to determine Wild Card participants. So, load up your team with playoff players before the last pitch of the last game of the Regular Season, 'k? Use this form to do so.

Toodles.
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Beginning to Wrap Up the Regular Season

You know the Regular Season comes to an end Sunday, right? Well, then, you better start figuring out how you want to go in the playoffs … with a Regular Season roster, filled with playoffs who aren't in the playoffs, or a Playoffs roster, filled with playoff players. What do you think? How many trades do you have left? Why don't you plan to use them?
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We Aren't Dark

We aren't dark! Standings and stats are up-to-date!

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We May Be Going Dark

We are hitting the road — Charlotte this time — and we may be without the ability to update the website until Friday morning. If you make trades while we are away — and why not do so before the end of the season? — you may have to wait until we get back for us to process them, which we will do retroactively to the date they should go into effect.

As has become our want, here's that nice video for you to enjoy until we get back.





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My Season, Thus Far, Part 51

Duck(s)!

Duck

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Preparing for the Playoffs

Yesterday we made mention of the need to get your post-season roster in order. To do that, you'll want to make trades to add players who will be in the playoffs, which should be obvious. Click here for a reminder on how trades work.

Who to pick? Well, players who will be in the playoffs, obviously, preferably ones who you think will score big points for you. Click here for a reminder of how points are scored during each round of the playoffs.
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Where Did the Season Go?

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we freak out about the fact that the end of the season is just a week away …

The Regular Season comes to an end next Sunday, which means a whole new season begins, the playoffs. And because we are traveling a whole bunch over the next week — many of us to witness Alternative Stats owner Marcus Rochellle getting hitched — we are a bit freaked about being able to easily bring the season to an end. So, we're asking owners to feel completely and totally free to submit your end-of-season trades earlier rather than later. Beef up your roster with a slew of playoff players now!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Regular Season, where in the ever-loving hotel did you go? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 50

Fly! Be free!


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Ten Days Left?

Where the hell did the season go? Ten days left? Well, I guess time flies when you are having a horrific season.
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Damn

Ouch.
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 49

Circa June 17th. The dog arrives in September.

She tried

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It Should Not Have Been Rule A Catch, Apparently

Word is, this wasn't an out.
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 48

Things rapidly got out of hand.

His face describes his happiness.

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Think It Through!

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we ponder the plight of poor people in a foreign country …

You almost feel more sorry for the woman with the umbrella for inadvertently exposing the sham …
Don't be fooled by the legs that I got
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, poor Eddie Murphy-like character a la Trading Places?! You couldn't spend some of that hard-earned money on a fricken belt?! A belt! A belt would help you keep the bag that hides your legs affixed to your body, wouldn't it? Or perhaps a nice rope? Suspenders, maybe? Stickum? Perhaps sew the bag to your shirt? Damn, man. Think it through! If you're going to decide to skate around on a slab of plywood with rollers while begging with a nice dog bowl, you should commit to getting the full effect right. I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

We don't usually have a coda for our WTFs, but this video is just way too good/scary not to add it. Hey, Eddie Murphy guy, get up, brush yourself off, buy a belt, and remember that the show must go on.






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One More to Leave Right Here

I'll just leave this right here so I can watch in for years to come.


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Let's Just Leave This Right Here

I'll just leave this right here so I can watch in for years to come.


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Twenty-One Incredible Facts About the Indians' Record 21-Game Winning Streak

Yep.
  1. Their winning streak is more impressive than Oakland’s.
  2. Their winning streak is more impressive than the so-called record, too, because it’s an actual winning streak.
  3. They’ve hit more home runs during the streak than they’ve allowed runs.
  4. They’ve played 189 innings during the streak and trailed in just four.
  5. They’ve done this without two of their best players.
  6. They’re going to set a record for strikeouts by a pitching staff.
  7. Their hitters, on the other hand, do not strike out.
  8. They do, however, walk.
  9. They’re not the best offensive team in baseball because they haven’t been clutch.
  10. They hadn’t allowed a single unearned run during the streak until Wednesday.
  11. Their ace is not human.
  12. They love to throw curveballs.
  13. They love to throw cutters, too.
  14. They’ve got the best bullpen in baseball.
  15. They’ve thrown seven shutouts in the streak.
  16. They haven’t given up more than four runs in three weeks – since the first game of the streak.
  17. They haven’t wasted any time in pouncing on teams during the streak.
  18. They have hit as well with two strikes than any team this year – and especially during the streak.
  19. They have used only one player in all 21 games – and you probably have no idea who he is.
  20. They’re in awfully good company with the 1935 Cubs
  21. They have a shrine to Jobu.
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 47

I'm just that good.


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My Season, Thus Far, Part 46

That second one represents for my fantasy football teams, which apparently have been created just to compound my 2017 misery …


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Rusty Hits One For Bobby

Here's a touching story about a ballplayer trying to do something meaningful for a kid in a cancer ward.
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How to Have a 3rd-and-Goal At Your Own 7-Yard-Line

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we ponder this bit of head-scratchiness …

Wait around long enough and eventually something like this will happen, I suppose, but still …
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Louisiana Tech, you were already losing by 33 points … why not just let Mississippi State have six more ?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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He's Running Out of Pages!

I don't understand much of what is happening, but I do understand how the, er, um, pitcher? ultimately gets his Alpha handed to him. Chadwick Walton does not relent in this very thorough Alpha-kicking.


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Most HRs Ever??? WTF???

Michael Skoien, owner of Maddog's Maulers, sent us bit of interestingness and asks, "And tell me why we are all doing so well with our rosters this year??? This doesn't help."
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 45

But things were so festive at the beginning …


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My Season, Thus Far, Part 44

I'm the little boy. The rest of the league is the little girl.

Concussion -revealed.

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 43

This is how it's been going for me, yep.

Taking the dog out

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Never Gonna Give You Up

Kevin Klinkhamer, owner of Dongwhipped, sent us this oddly, weirdly, bizarrely, how-the-hell-did-that-happen video, which we dig to no end.





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You Had One Job. One. How Would You Like Me To Depict That For You? I'm Thinking A Finger.

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we question the hiring process at this children's publishing company…

Some posts write themselves. This is one of those:

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, children's book publishing company, hiring and editor who can count to ten is beyond your capacity?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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Another Fantasy League I Get to Do Poorly In

Oh, hey look, the Fox Valley Fantasy Football League is having its in-person draft today, where ten of us — several of whom are also in the SLPL — get to eat wings, drink beer, and contemplate just how poorly I am going to perform in yet another fantasy sports league. It has become a thing (see also "My Season, Thus Far, Parts 1 through 42").

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I Always Feel Like Someone Is Watching Me ...

Joe Kelly, owner of Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox and SLPL's still-leader in the Overall Standings, once again took some time out of his overall league-leading to direct our attention to this bit of wonderfulness, "Iowa Cubs Player Is Exceptionally Talented At Being A Weirdo On-Camera." This guy is my new hero. He can't get to the Majors fast enough.





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My Season, Thus Far, Part 42

I was just sitting there, enjoying the games, when all of the sudden …

GOOOOL!

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 41

You gotta watch it a couple times before you realize what happens, but then the horror sets in. Just like my season.

He didn't expect that.

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Quick Trip

Lyft is on its way to pick me up for a quick, there-and-back trip to Charlotte. Gotta run!

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Stats, Anomalies, and What's Cool

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we hear from our GoT owner who has some interesting fun facts.

Valar Morghulis owner Jeren "Skeeter" Livernois came at us recently with some interesting, WTF?! trivia: "There have now been two Major League players with the name Boog Powell, yet there has yet to be a Major Leaguer with the first name Isaac (yes, there have been a handful of Ikes, however none have gone by Isaac). Bonus Fun Fact: One of those Ikes had the given birth name of Isaac Newton. He played his career under the name of "Ike Fisher."

Fascinating, especially considering that there have been over 19,000 players in the majors.

Then again, there are only about 83,000 Isaacs in the U.S., and going by "Ike" is undeniable more cool than going by Isaac.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot … well … hmmmm … maybe it's not so WTF?! after all?

Oh, wait, that's it!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, us, trying to make sense of statistics an anomalies and what's cool! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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Some Days Are Better Than Others

I wish I knew what is happening here. Though, you know, my life is probably better that I am left to ponder what is happening here.


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My Season, Thus Far, Part 40

Everything I tried this moved me in another position to fail. And flail.

ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY???

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 39

Uh huh.


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My Season, Thus Far, Part 38

Yeah, well I have moves, too. Or not.


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My Season, Thus Far, Part 37

That visually summarizes my season very well.


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We're Going Dark ... As In, An Eclipse Sort of Way

No, we're not going anywhere. We're talking about the Great American Solar Eclipse. Though things look as though Chicagoland will be overcast or raining when the big blot-out begins, it's still gonna be mega cool. Here's hope you are able to see it (with all the appropriate disclaimers about how you aren't supposed to look at it directly, blah, blah, blah).

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Technical Difficulties

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we … er … uh … ummmmmm … well …

Nope. Not going to say a word about this …






Whiskey Tango Foxtrot … um … who's to yell at here? Who's to scream at, incredulously? We can't even hazard a guess. I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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Stupid Vaccines

Yep.

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There's Only One Bob ROHRman ... Jersey!

Joe Kelly does us a favor again — sending us more of the ol' coveted blog fodder — by passing the following image along with the comment "There's only one Bob Rohrman … jersey."

Those of you not from Chicago likely don't get the reference, so here's a peak into the big, bad, grand, awesome, nifty, omnipresent world of Bob Rohrman:





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Nor Wanted

Joe Kelly, owner of Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox and SLPL's leader in the Overall Standings, took some time out of his overall leading to direct our attention to a story that has since gone viral. Here it is.

The title of Joe's email was "No comment needed …"

We agree.

Except: The organist, with that little dramatic organ sting about two seconds after the ball makes contact, is the funniest thing I have heard in my lifetime. I could watch and listen to that consecutively for the next week and never tire of it.

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 36

My season in a GIF.


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Nacho Hero

Overall Standings leader Joe Kelly, owner of Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox, sent us this link touting the heroism of a fan who saved nachos. Impressive, sure, but we are even more impressed at the nachos delivery device deployed at Atlanta's ballpark. Check out the size of that thing. Even more impressive, you can later put that helmet on, though you should grab a few extra napkins to wipe all the excessive nachos cheese and jalapeño juice out of your hair.

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How Are Things Working Out for You?

Lots and lots of trades while we were away — are you guys waiting for us to leave before making trades or is our blog fodder just so entertaining that you can't help but be distracted from making the big decisions? — but we are now up and running and all caught up.

So, how are you doing this season? Everything working out the way you had hoped?






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We Are Going Dark Again

We are hitting the road — Toronto this time; I wonder of the Blue Jays are in town? — and will be without the ability to update the website until Monday morning. If you make trades, you'll have to wait until we get back for us to process them, which we will do retroactively to the date they should go into effect.

As has become our want, here's a nice video for you to enjoy until we get back.





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Boog's Grandson?

Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly, who is still the league's Overall Standings leader, sent us this link to remind us that past-MLB star Boog Powell may have reproduced … and his offspring may, too, have reproduced.

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Sinead Lookers, Unite!

A small part of me doesn't want to know what's going on here.
This Brawl

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 35

Watch out for that—!

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Hold! Still!

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we would like to be impressed but we are too aggravated by the videographer …

This is what went through my mind the first time I saw the GIF below: "Oooooo, beautiful. That's spectacular. What a wondef— HOLD STILL YOU MFING DIPWADDED ALPHAHOLE! I HOPE THE PLANE GOES DOWN AND YOUR BODY SLOWLY BOILS IN THE TRANSPARENT BLUE FLAME OF BURNING JET FUEL WHILE YOU MAINTAIN CONSCIOUSNESS WONDERING WHY YOU COULDN'T JUST STAY STILL WHILE YOU RECORDED THAT NIFTY NATURAL WONDER!!!

Welcome to Oklahoma 
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, ya' dipSierra videographer?! You couldn't just not post what should have been a great video that you personally ruined with your manic movements and impossible zooms?! Really?1 I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 34

We miss what we shoot at … we hit what we should miss.

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 33

It's all fun and games until the jaw clamps down.
What could go wrong when I fool the FROG

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 32

"Keep your eye on the ball," I said. She thought I meant the ball of my foot.

25okyeh6k2dz
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 31

This was my Monos on April 23rd of this year.
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We Are Going Dark

Speaking of the road to nowhere, we will be on the road and without the ability to update the website until Wednesday morning. If you make trades, you'll have to wait until we get back for us to process them, which will do retroactively to the date it should go into effect.





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My Season, Thus Far, Part 30

We're on the road to nowhere.
Oh sweet an automatic door, probably heads to an elevator!

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Epic Rant Is Epic

We here at the front offices of the Santa Lechuga Power League can go through an entire season without hearing a peep from our owners about how the league runs, what we might do to improve, what's top-of-mind about the league, what folks hate about the league, just how much folks hate us, etc. Heck, we have gone multiple seasons in a row without any commentary being shared with us, which is fine by us 'cause, you know, our egos are impenetrable and we wouldn't listen to what you're saying anyway. "Waaa. Waaa. Waaa. Is Charlie Brown's teacher talking or something?"

But then, last night happens, in what we imagine is the after-effect of many shots of some choice libations. This rant happens:
View post on imgur.com
Boy, howdy, that's so awesome. With all the earmarks of the Unabomber stumbling upon three cases of lost Scotch in a cabin with spotty Wifi connection that he is somehow compelled to use, this is a rant so excellent that we can honestly say that it reinvigorates our desire to have owners share their honest if unhinged thoughts about us with us more often. This is pure beauty. But, please, other owners, before you rant, use this template: Alcohol + Observations about League + Random Slams of Fellow Owners + Send Button. Anything less than that will fall very flat and not tickle us nearly as much.

While we will not disclose who shared this rant with us — we'll just say he wears jorts to dance around his moped every Mother's Day — we will say it is fun to see one of our owners rip this fantasy league apart while indiscriminately throwing other owners (well, just one other owner, to be fair) under the bus. Thanks, dancing jorts momma's boy, we needed that.

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Holy Canseco!

Buster Poser owner Joe Livernois sent us his bit of fun.

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Kershaw Down for Four to Six Weeks

Kershaw is down, maybe from four to six weeks, and now this choice: Do you waste a trade on him?

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Now That's A Selfie!

Bad. Alpha.
Selfie with my friends

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You've Got to Chug that Sierra

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, comes courtesy of Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly who somehow still has time leading the league to send us fun stuff like this …

As Joe says, rules are rules.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, every other minor league baseball team, why can't you all have this rule? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 29

My Monos on April 4th.
Learning to drive (Why did you hit my truck?)

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Star Wars But The Lightsabers Sound Like Owen Wilson Saying "Wow"

The Internet delivers.




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My Season, Thus Far, Part 28

Yep. That's about right.
That shot didn't go as planned
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 27

Man, my roster looked good at the very beginning. It was a can't-miss season. Oops.
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Bean Ball

They do things differently in Korea.




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Truck Tetris 101

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we witness a brilliant demonstration of Truck Tetris game play …

Sometimes, I seriously love the Internet:

Parking a truck
Whiskey Tango Everloving Foxtrot, awesome truck driver dude?! I have problems backing my sedan out of a one-car garage and yet you masterfully back up an 18-wheeler into a space meant for a two-by-four?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 26

Uh, oh. Now I am entering into the surreal phase of my 2017 season. I mean, do you have any concept of the number of mornings that have begun like this for me?.
Lazy Afternoon
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Behold the Bobblehead Museum at Marlins Park


Maddog Mauler's owner Michael Schoien sent us this link with the note that there's no commentary needed. Sorry, Maddog, but there's a ton of commentary needed, starting with how it is that no one reached out to us to include the last remaining Bobblehead-of-Lettuce! The single most notorious bobblehead in world history of bobbleheads doesn't get included in the Bobblehead Museum! That is an outrage!

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 25

Here we are, in the deadspot of the 2017 All-Star break, and I'm reflecting on how my season has gone so far. Here it is, my season summarized in a single GIF:
He'd better have a metal head
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Last Team In, First Champ Out: Susan Crohare Crowned All-Star Champ

17AllStar

Hers was the last team to join the league, which gave us a nice-and-even 36 teams. Word has it that she didn't know what she was in for, didn't know what to expect, and didn't expect to do much in the league. But when the fog-of-the-war-of-attrition of an All-Star game cleared and Robinson Cano hit the dinger to propel the AL to the win, The Pretenders owner Susan Crohare ended up the winner of the SLPL's 2017 All-Star Championship.

With a sleek 250 points from the Derby, a hefty 150 points from Cano, four pitcher strikeouts, and only three hitter Ks, the rookie owner netted 425 total points, which was enough to beat Brian Thornburg's Carrboro T-Birds and Dan and Sue Klinkhamer's I'm Too Old for this Sh*t by 50 points.

League honchos are delighted to award Susie the All-Star crown and a most-excellent $200 prize, which will be delivered at the end of the season.

Meanwhile, #FAKE LEAGUE! Sad owner Susie Rochellle, who recruited Susie into the league, was quoted as saying about The Pretenders' win, "Fake news! Russian conspiracy! SAD!"

Congratulations, Susie!*

*This assumes we didn't make any mistakes. Which is to say, we may have messed up some of the math here since we had to manually transcribe each home run and strikeout by every hitter in the league. If we made any mistakes, please notify us ASAP so that we can make corrections. You will find our tracking under the All-Star Stats tab in our boffo spreadsheet!

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15 Teams Jump Ahead In All-Star Standings

17AllStar

Fifteen teams took an early 250-point lead in the All-Star standings, which raises the question: "How the ever-loving eff do only 15 SLPL teams have Aaron Judge?!" Sure he strikes out three times for every home run he hits, but that's still +7 points for every 11 at-bats. Anyway. Who am I to talk? I'm sitting in fourth place in La División Culantro.

More All-Star fun tonight, after which will will crown our first championship of the season and hand out a $200 prize. Good luck!

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Home Run Derby Tonight!

17AllStar

Some are hyping it as potentially the best Derby ever. We, on the other hand, will just be happy if the ultimate winner is on at least one of our SLPL rosters. As in, please don't let Miguel Sano or Justin Bour win. Please.

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The All-Star Break Begins Tomorrow

17AllStar

If you are unfamiliar, here are the rules for the SLPL’s All-Star Championship, which will be crowned at the conclusion of the All-Star game Tuesday night:

How do I score points for the All-Star Standings?
During the Home Run Derby...

  • If a player on your roster wins the All-Star Home Run Derby, your team picks up 250 points
During the All-Star Game...
  • Hitters earn 150 points for every home run hit
  • Hitters lose 25 points for every K
  • Pitchers earn 25 points for every K
  • Pitchers lose 75 points for every homer surrendered
The team with the most combined points — Home Run Derby points plus All-Star Game points — will win the All-Star Championship.

BTW, points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.

Oh, and don't forget: If you want to trade for a player to be on tomorrow's Home Run Derby roster, you must make the trade tonight.
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The All-Star Game Is Just Around The Corner

17AllStar

The All-Star game is just around the corner and we will crown our fist season champ Tuesday night. Here's how this particular championship works.

If you’re strategerizing for the All-Star break, remember that trades made on one day are not in effect until the next day. So:

  • If you want someone new on your roster for the Home Run Derby on Monday, you’ll have to submit your trade for that person tomorrow.
  • If you want someone new on your roster for the All-Star game on Tuesday, you’ll have to submit your trade for that person on Monday.
Use this handy form to submit your trades.
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Infield Triple

You don't see that every day.
Infield triple
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 24

Now you see it.
Seals are ????for ????
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 23

I thought I had a good thing coming.
DAMMIT HAMBURGLER.
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Four Things for the 4th

First for the 4th, Happy 4th of July!

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Photo from Babes Love Baseball

Second for the 4th, as is our want and tradition, below is our favorite 4th of July video, one we love a whole bunch but really love because of this lyric: “I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit | And your dog refused to look at it | So I got drunk and looked at the Empire State Building | It was no bigger than a nickel …” Check this out:






Third for the 4th, here is SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow (aka, Joe Livernois) giving it his best while conducting a rousing rendition of "Stars and Stripes Forever" with the Monterey Bay Symphony back in 2009:






Fourth for the 4th, we love this crowd-sourced video:





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Trump's Presidency, Thus Far, Part 2

It sounds scary because it is fricken scary.

Those who truly believe in this country, in freedom, in democracy, in justice, in truth, well, those people would be working to increase enfranchisement, not restrict it.

But this president? His political party and their cronies? These small, selfish, petty sons of bitches? They care only for their own power. And they figure if they can just get all the data in one place and if they can go through it, sorting by race and employment and political affiliation, if they can shape the data into some bogeyman of their own fevered creation, then they can find something to further their agenda of stealing this nation away from its people.

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You Misread Our Marketing Materials

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we ponder which of our season ticket holders brought their sheep to today's game …

Uh, guys?


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, season ticket holders! It was Bark In the Park. Bark In the Park! Not Baaaa! In the Park! Get it straight! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!
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He's Right, He's Right

Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien sent us this link with the observation "It's what we live for in this league!!!" Interesting. So why don't I have more points than I do?

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Trump's Presidency, Thus Far, Part 1

"He sounds like a high school student who didn't read the book … or have the book … or know how to read."





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My Season, Thus Far, Part 22

I thought I was hitting all the right notes.





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Beltre!

Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly, who is our league's Overall Standings leader, sent us this link to remind us that you still shouldn't touch Adrian Beltre's head. #beltre

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 21

Except, my season is not so entertaining …

hmmm
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 20

I thought I had a handle on it.

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 19

"Steer into the skid," they said. "Steer into the skid.".

The front fell off
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 18

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No Apologies Needed

Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly took some time off from his leading the freakin' league to submit this fun story, "Minor League GM Apologizes For Razzing Tim Tebow." The worst part? All the apologizing. The best part? Razzing Tim Tebow! Duh. Joe made note: "I think this technically falls under #LOLMETS."

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 17

I'm the human.

Young girl and the dog buddy playing in the sand.
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 16

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 15

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 14

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 13

Look at me, bringing the mad skillz..

Check out my mad yo-yo skills!
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 12

I'm in the white car. Er, I mean, I was driving the white car..

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 11

But am I the girl getting on the skateboard or the guy on the bike. The guy on the bike, right?
LEEEEEEEROY JENNNNNKINS
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 10

There I am, wearing my nice red sweater and enjoying the show, when all of the sudden ….

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The Monday of All Mondays

This is the Monday of all Mondays, the day I discovered this video:





With this video, my life just got exponentially better.

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The Confidence of a Mediocre White Man

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we watch the fever dreams of a mediocre white man come crashing to the ground — much like he came crashing to the ground — at the very moment he actually believed he was about to "win" …

Oh, hey! Let's take a look at a microcosm of every mediocre American white man ever:

Whiskey Tango Everloving Foxtrot, mediocre white guy?! Born on third base, you still just can't quietly cross home plate and then celebrate only after it's clear your run will make a difference to the outcome. Nope. You instead feel compelled to ask the world to celebrate your "accomplishments" at the very moment you are about to unknowingly lose. "That's where he belongs, right in the dirt." I mean, seriously, W?! T?! Everloving?! F?!

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It Might Be. It Could Be. It Is! Holy Cow!

So this happened.
Home Run

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See Also: The Doctrine of Impossibility

Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly sent us this bit of fun. It's funny because, you know, mascots giving the bird to fans is funnier than hell.

Except.

Um, well, folks. This is all a bit of an overreaction since it is freakin' impossible for Mr. Met to flip off fans since, well, hello, Mr. Met only has four fricken' fingers. (A favorite podcast covers the case well here starting at the 25:25 mark.)

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A Check On the DL List

Why do you persist in holding on to this deadweight:
  • Bumgarner, Madison 60-DL
  • Syndergaard, Noah 60-DL
  • Trout, Mike 10-DL
  • Salazar, Danny 10-DL
  • Freeman, Freddie 10-DL
  • Cespedes, Yoenis 10-DL
  • Chapman, Aroldis 10-DL
Don't you know that they are brining you down?

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We May Be Back But We Are Running Might Slow

Sorry about that.

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We're Back. Finally.

Yeah. So. We're back. Don't ask.

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We Are Likely Going Dark

We are headed to Denver, CO, today and will likely be unable to update standings and stats. If for some reason we are able to update the site, it will likely be later in the day each day. All should be back to normal by Saturday morning. Be nice to each other.

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Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day with full appreciation to all who served … and a tip of the ballcap to Babes Love Baseball for this cool image:


Photo courtesy of Babes Love Baseball

And this from Pink Floyd seems a worthy listen:






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POS HOFer Jim Bunning Dies

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we celebrate the death of a Hall of Famer while lamenting last season's lack of an HOF champ…

On Friday night Hall of Fame pitcher Jim Bunning died, which means, Yay!, we will have a HOF Champ this season! LetsPlayCatch owner Weston Livernois and Farmer, Greene, and Romine owner Vince Livernois each scored 100 points while Get with the Programmer owner Alec Puente grabbed 75 points.

Here's a reminder of how points are awarded for the HOF Death Pool: Here's how points are awarded:

Points are earned by subtracting the reported age of the dirt-napper at the time of his death (rounded down to the most-recent birthday) from 100 and multiplying the result by 5. So: An 80-year-old would get 100-80=20*5=100 points. A 40-year-old would get 100-40=60*5=300 points.


In this instance, Bunning, aged 85, earned 100-85=15*5=75 points.

And here's how the Magic Number came into play to get Vince and Weston an extra 25 points:

For the HOF Death Pool, the team with the Magic Number closest to the Date-of-Death (DoD) will get an extra 25 points. … Note: More than one team can be awarded the extra points if their Magic Numbers are equidistant to the DoD. So, if Bob dies on the 15th and one team has 14 and another has 16, both teams will get the 25 extra points.


In this instance, Bunning died on the 26th; Vince has a Magic Number of 25 and Weston has 27.

And with that, Whiskey Tango Everloving Foxtrot, 2016 season, you couldn't give us at least one choice Hall of Fame death so that we could award a champ last season? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

As a side note: As bleeding heart liberals, we totally understand where I'm Too Old for this Sh*t co-owner Sue Klinkhamer is coming from in this Facebook exchange:


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My Season, Thus Far, Part 9

Missed it by that much.

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 8

Couldn't even get a shot off.
The hunter becomes the hunted

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Kid Launches A Solo HR To Pull His Team To Within 3, Still Proceeds To Launch His Bat To Jupiter

Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly sent us this link with the comment:

I think this guy is a big Joey Bats fan...


From the article: "There’s unconfirmed Tweets the next two batters got (rightfully) plunked." One could hope.

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Kid At Pirates Game Enjoys Whatever’s In That Beer Can

Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly sent us this link with the comment:

"Kids gotta find a way to suffer through the 2017 Pirates…"


That's exactly what they say about my Los Monos de Pepino.

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We All Need Friends Like This

"A little to the right."
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My Season, Thus Far, Part 7

Ehhhh, yepppp. Except, I don't know if I am the second guy trying to jump in the water or the three folks who get bowled over by him.
HMB while I impress these girls

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When Sea Lions Attack!!!

In this week's edition of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we listen in on a conversation a sea lion has with a mackerel shortly after trying to treat the tourist girl like a dog's chew toy …

"Hey, look," he says, "maybe I wasn't able to keep the girl, but for my efforts at least I got a nifty pair of new sunglasses. These will go great with my beard."
Sea lion grabs young girl off a pier.
Whiskey Tango Everloving Foxtrot, Nature, you can't just let sea lions go on being the big, dorky, lazy, loud, entertaining dogs of our oceans anymore?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! Everloving?! F?!

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A Different Tactic

Buster Poser owner Joe Livernois replaced four-tenths of his hitting roster yesterday and said:

I've had it with these brain-dead sluggers. Let's give finesse, average and power a chance.


Finesse and average … in a power league … hmmm … well, this will be interesting. Tell us how that works out for you.

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We Are Back

We came back to a wave of trades from owners trying to drop players who have recently landed on the DL. Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien commented:

Players are dropping like flies this year! May not have a full roster by All Star Break! I blame climate change, Russian hackers and/or George Bush, plus the false news in the media!


No one is feeling the pain more than Deeger's Dogs owner DJay Andersen, who traded for Freddie Freeman one day before Freeman was put on the DL. DJay promptly used his final paid trade to drop Freeman. It's been that type of season already.

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Going Dark for a Day

We're headed to North Carolina early morning tomorrow, so the stats and stands and blog won't be updated. Sorry folks. Things will be back to normal Friday.

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K-Fest

Maddog Mauler's owner Mike Skoien mentioned this story in a trade comment — Former Twins catcher Brian Harper whiffed less in two years than Cubs and Yankees did on Sunday — and said:

This is a few days old, but found it interesting after the recent Yankee-Cubs "K-fest". Would be interesting to look at this for other major league teams as well.


If someone does the legwork on this, please forward it along.

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Damnit

Welp, that sure is a cruddy way to start a week. So long, Powers Boothe.





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Sunday Morning WTH?! Hey, All You Mothers Out There

As we have in seasons past, we have decided to be respectful to all the mothers in this league for at least one day of the season by renaming our regular Sunday series “Sunday Morning WTF?!” in honor of Mother’s Day to “Sunday Morning WTH?!?!” As in, “What the heck?!” or, “Whiskey Tango Hotel?” Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there!

We have also decided to revive a league favorite, which former SLPL owner Scott “Scoot Bigs” Allen shared with us way back in ’11. Scott said that it is a tradition in his country of origin to celebrate Mother’s Day by dancing around a scooter. We didn’t believe him until we dug up this video on the Interwebs. (BTW, Scoot’s the one wearing jorts.)






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My Season, Thus Far, Part 6

Except, without all the speed.

Going 50 MPH on a boat, WCGW?

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 5

Uh huh.

The future

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My Season, Thus Far, Part 4

That's about right.

Carrida, the bull made an unimaginable

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Some Days I Love the Internet

This just tickles me.


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My Season, Thus Far, Part 3

Yep.


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My Season, Thus Far, Part 2

Take 2:


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My Season, Thus Far

For today's Sunday Morning WTF?!, my season thus far in one GIF:

My Season Thus Far

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, fantasy baseball season, why do you treat me so poorly? Why do you hate me so? I made the turn on Opening Day, such hope, such wonder, such enthusiasms. And then … that. That right there. Bam. Why do you want to Foxtrot me again and again and again and again and again and again and again, an endless loop of Foxtrotting? It's only May and I feel as though you're doing everything in your power to make me hate life, and then hate it again and again and again and again and again and again and again. Seriously? W?! T?! F?!

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Kayak Decapitation

Slow it down, Skippy!

Well this looks like a cool spoHOLY SHIT

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"Anybody Want a Peanut?"

This comes by way of Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer. Hoo-boy. Kevin's comment: "Whiskey! Tango! Foxtrot! Aaron Judge is a LARGE man."


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Bleep-Filled Tirades Are the Best Tirades

Another forward from Buster Poser owner Joe Livernois: Machado goes ballistic in epic rant.

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Exquisite Trolling

Forwarded by Buster Poser owner Joe Livernois: This American hero read about the Giants winning the World Series instead of watching from the front row. A thing of absolute beauty.

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The Baseball Gods? F 'Em!

Lots of injuries, lots of trades already this season … and league owners aren't happy. This from Maddog''s Maulers owner Mike Skoien on dropping Noah and Yoenis:

Time to clean house on NY Mets players as their training/conditioning staff seems to have taken a total leave of absence and is thus wreaking havoc on their roster after just a month of the season. Or, to quote one of them, "we don't need no stinking MRI's"….


Deegers Dogs owner DJay Andersen is taking a more wry, less peeved approach to the Noah drop:

Paxton is way easier to spell and his lat muscle works.


Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer, meanwhile, is letting his lifetime Mets fandom get the show through when dropping Noah from his SLPL roster:

Foxtrot the Baseball Gods this season...can't even enjoy this shit past May 1st!


We hear you, Kevin. The trades are coming fast and furious this season.

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Another Ruinous Existence Shared

Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly ruined my day today by sharing this. I guess I have to ruin your day, too, since others appear to want to bring Hawk Harrelson's ruinous existence to other countries and sports.

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You Call It Rambling ... We Call It Entertaining and Insightful

For today's Sunday Morning WTF?!, we get a peak into the mind of second-year owner Ray Brennan of The Mighty Trepidators, who only yesterday submitted his first-ever trade, which may be an indication that he's paying attention this year. Here, let's have a peak, shall we?

Dear PR (Pedregoso Pos): Hunch time…. I want to switch out Adam Jones and replace him with Giancarlo Stanton with my virgin trade as team owner.

I know I’m carrying some slow starters in my HR crowd, but will stick with the rest for now, including my sentimental choice, Jose Abreu, who got his first two today as the AL Central first place White Sox won their 6th in a row. I’m regretting Schwarber, but am not ready to ditch him yet, as the Cubs hit better when the ivy is fully in leaf.

It’s tempting to go after Judge or Thames but I’m betting the former will cool off very soon and the latter will be suspended for drug use. I missed dumping Miguel Cabrera when he went on the DL, but the Sox-Tigers may be rained out tomorrow and MC is due back Tuesday and that would mean he’d miss just one more game, so I’ll save the trade. Then he’ll need to pick up his pace. It was a risk to pick Encarnacion given how awful the Tribe usually does in the free agent market, but he’s coming to life.

Being a negligent owner, I thought I had picked Bumgarner but I guess I don’t need to trade a pitcher who’s not even on my team. Too bad about his injury, though.

Thanks for enduring my rambling, but please register my trade. Gracias, Imperial Leader!


What we just witnessed was the best trade submission this season. Hell, maybe of any season.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Ray Brennan, where they hell have you been? You couldn't submit your "ramblings," which we call astute, entertaining analysis, once a week or so? Seriously? W?! T?! F?!

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Gotta Love a Great Comeback

This had to be fun to watch. Despise the Yankees, but love a great comeback.

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This Needs a Signal Boost

Important message!


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Kelsey Plum's Got An Arm

She throws like a girl.


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Acrobatic Headfirst Dive

Oh. My.

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Raiding Comments in Owner Trades

Madison Bumgarner goes on the DL and Mar-a-Lago Orange Sox owner Joe Kelly says, "Surprised they didn't say he was washing Jeff Kent's truck…" Heh.

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This Bit of Fun is Fun

Seen on Alternative Stats owner Marcus Rochellle's Facebook wall recently:


And here's the link to the story.

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Wallygator Has limited Vision

For today's Sunday Morning WTF?!, we watch as Wallygator does what he can to prevent a kid from getting bonked in the noggin only to get bonked in his own:

When a gator saves your life then you save his

But today's WTF?! doesn't go to Wallygator, who actually made a valiant effort to help the kid. Instead, check out the dude in the white shirt sitting in front of him. That has to be about the weakest, sorriest, non-beer-holding foul ball effort I have ever witnessed. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, front-row-sitting, weak-sauce, pathetic white guy? You couldn't stand up and lean back to catch the foul ball? You make me sad to share a species with you. Seriously? W?! T?! F?!

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Plugging In a USB Every. Single. Time.

I wish I could give credit for this, but I haven't been able to track the original creator down. This. Is. The. Best.


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Seems Appropriate for the Day After Four-Twenty

We'll just let this mess with your noggin for awhile.

This Coke's on the House (oc)

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Footballer Keeps His Promise to a Little Girl with Deaf Parents

It's the small things that matter.

Footballer keeps his promise to a little girl with deaf parents.

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Ohplease! Ohplease! Ohplease!

This headline has us crazed and salivating: "Deadwood Revival Script 'Has Been Delivered to HBO,' Says Ian McShane." HBO! Make. This. Happen.

In the meantime, let's just go sit back and enjoy this single greatest (NSFW) fight scene in recorded history, shall we?

And why not enjoy Al trying to make heads or tails of Woo's report of a drug theft (also NWFW, clearly)? "Yeah, I'm glad I taught you that f&*!@'in word."

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The 2017 Divisions Are Set

The 2017 Santa Lechuga Power League divisions are set. Now you know who you need to pace and beat to snag the minimum league payout, a Division Championship, which by the way, is a nifty $175 this season.


Note that we are even featuring new Division names this season, courtesy of league linguist and Que América Sea Grande owner Jennifer Leigh. Thanks, Jenny! You are doing your best to make the league great again and we really appreciate that.

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D-Day = Drop Day

Today is D-Day — Drop Day — for all teams who have not yet paid their ownership fees. According to our records, that would be these nine teams:


Please, e-mail pedregoso@santa-lechuga.com ASAP to tell us you paid, how you paid, and offer up any evidence that you did, in fact, pay.

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Sometimes, We Are WTF?!

For today's Sunday Morning WTF?!, we cop to being laggards. Here it is, only the second Sunday of the season, and already we have gone dark one day and have been seriously late updating the website at least one day (see also" today). Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, us? We couldn't update the website to show yesterday's stats earlier than 4 p.m. Central time. Seriously? W?! T?! F?!

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42

MLB stars on what Jackie Robinson Day means to us.

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ICYMI: Ten Owners Need to Pay. STAT!

As a recent post mentioned, we have a massive pot this season, the biggest ever. Check this out:


Unfortunately, ten owners haven't yet paid for their teams, which means we will have to show them the exits come Monday if they still haven't paid, which means our Pot will go down, which would be very disappointing. Don't disappoint us.

Pay for your team. And let Pedregoso know you paid (by e-mailing a copy of your check register, your PayPal receipt, a picture of the check, something, anything, please).

Here's who has paid and who hasn't:


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Is Russell Westbrook’s Season the Best Ever?

Fascinating.

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Seen Last Night On Facebook

Yoenis had a big night last night, which led to this fun owner interplay via Susie Rochellle's wall on Facebook:


Sue Klinkhamer, she rarely lets us down.

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That's a Big Pot. It Sure Would Be a Shame to Make It Smaller.

Have you gotten a look at our Pot for this season? Check this out:


Pretty sweet, right? Unfortunately, lots of folks haven't paid their ownership fees yet. Or, rather, we haven't received payment yet from lots of folks. Heads up: If we don't receive payment (or have pretty good evidence that you paid) by next Monday, we are going to have to remove you from the league. And, unfortunately, our go-to banker, the Commissioner Rube Furrow, is out of the country for two weeks so we won't have any idea that your payment has arrived in the meantime.

So, we have a massive request: If you have sent payment in any form or fashion (e.g., by check or by PayPal) to Rube, please notify Pedregoso Rios by e-mailpedregoso@santa-lechuga.com — as soon as possible. While you're at it, please provide any evidence you may have. Have a PayPal receipt via e-mail? Please forward it to Pedregoso. Have a check register with your entry capturing payment? Take a picture and send it. Have only your word of honor? Please send it, and make it sound good.

We don't want to kick you out of the league — we, too, are transfixed by the size of the Pot — but we will show you the exit doors if you don't show payment by next Monday. So, please, show payment. Or, you know, pay ASAP and show us that you did.

Here's the list of folks from who we have not yet heard:


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How to: Figure Out Who Hit HRs Today

Want to know who hit home runs today?

First, click Menu above, then click Today's HRs:


Scroll down and you will see a list of the most recent HRs hit.


CBSSportsline used to have today's strikeouts, but they have unfortunately discontinued that site.

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How to: Access Year-to-Date Stats

Want to see league leaders in home runs and strikeouts?

Click Menu above, then click YTD HR Leaders or YTD Strikeout Leaders:


Clicking HR Leaders will take you here:


Clicking K Leaders will take you here:


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Baffled Together

For today's Sunday Morning WTF?!, we lament a video with nearly four million views that refuses to do what it is supposed to do, which to help us get right what says we are getting totally wrong:


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, WhatCulture? All you needed to do was to explain the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey to me. That's all. That's it. The other nine movies? Meh. Just explain 2001, okay? But you couldn't do that? I didn't get it, much less get it wrong, but I just sat through nine other movies to learn that you were as baffled as me? W?! T?! F?!

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How to: Make a Trade

We are back from North Carolina and we see that things here in the SLPL are humming along. Good deal.

As an owner of a shiny new 2017 Santa Lechuga team, it's important that you understand how she runs. So today we are talking about trades.

You have eight trades in the bank; you pre-paid for those when you paid your entry fees. (Wait a minute … have you paid your entry fees yet? If not, we can't process any trades for you. So, please pay your ownership entry fees, then make your trades, 'k?) You might have a couple more for paying before Opening Day. And maybe even more for recruiting new owners. You can use these trades any time before the end of the Regular Season. When you make a pre-paid trade it goes in effect the day after you submitted it. (Generally speaking, we aren't hard-alphas about this. If you make a trade one minute after midnight even though you tried to get it in at 11:59 pm, we're going to process it for you that same morning. The key is, make sure the trade is waiting for us when we roll out of bed in the morning.)

To submit a trade click the menu above, then click Make a Trade:


From there, fill out the form, double-check everything, then hit Submit at the bottom of the form.


Just about as easy as it sounds.

One last thing: We don't give refunds on unused trades. So, you know, use them.

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Some Administrative Stuff before We Go Dark

We are headed to North Carolina for a couple days, so the website is going dark and we won't be able to update the stats tomorrow morning. We should be up and running again Saturday morning.

In the meantime, with everything up and running and with you all able to navigate the site, we now need your help. Please:
  • Check your roster. Go to Standings and click the "Rosters" tab. Now, find your team and review your roster. Does it look right? Did I accidentally give you Jonah A. Arenado instead of Nolan Arenado? We ask because we had to enter each roster manually, which opens up the possibility that we made mistakes. In fact, this is the precise mistake we made on Mike Skoien's Maddog's Maulers roster for the second season in a row, which he helpfully let us know about without rage-quitting the league, somehow. So, if we made a mistake on your roster and gave you a wrong player, let us know ASAP. And don't rage-quit. Fixing our mistakes won't count as a trade, we promise.
  • Check your Hall-of-Fame Death Pool roster. This one is easier since we just copied-and-pasted directly from your submitted roster, but it's still a good idea to double-check.
  • Make note of your Hall-of-Fame Magic Number. There is no right or wrong here, but we want you to be aware of your Magic Number. It's the number in parentheses next to your team name. (We assigned the first 30 teams a Magic Number — a single number from 1 to 30 — based on the order in which they joined the league. So, the fifth team to join got Magic Number 5. For each remaining team, a Magic Number from 1 to 30 was drawn from a hat.
That should take care of the administrative stuff. While we continue to update our blog to point out other stuff as we think about it over the coming days, we will also try to coax a State of the League address from our commissioner, Rube Furrow.

Speaking of which, has anyone seen Rube? We heard he began a 1,000-stop 3,131-mile intercontinental pub crawl — starting in Madawaska, Maine, and ending in El Centro, California — the day after the World Series ended last year, but never heard whether he made it home.

Rube? Are you out there? Can you send us a message of some kind? We might start to get worried about you if you don't respond soon.

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How to: Navigate Standings And Stats

This was created for last year's website, but only the colors have changed this year. Newcomers should still find this useful…

If you have not discovered how to get to the standings and stats, click the menu icon that looks like this:


Then click on this:


To get to this:


You have the option this season to open the standings spreadsheet so it fills your entire browser window. Just click on this:


To get this.


Capisce?

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Welcome to the 2017 SLPL Power League!

Thanks for joining the 2017 edition of the Santa Lechuga Power League! You’ll be happy to know:

  • We have 36 owners — same as last season — including a whopping five(!) new owners and at least one wayward daughter who has returned to the league after being gone for a few seasons
  • We have a whopping $3,700 pot!
  • Given said whopping pot, the minimum payout to any champ will be $175.
  • Our website — your are looking at it right now — is already up and running, mostly.
  • Our stats and standings are already up and running; you cal looked at the boxed-in frames version or the free-wheeling no-frames version. This is just an Excel spreadsheet converted to a web-page, so look for the tabs at the bottom of the page to navigate the various pages of information, including how our whopping pot is calculated and distributed.
We encourage you to take a look-see at your roster — it’s under the “Rosters" tab here — to make sure we didn’t bungle anything, which is wicked-easy to do when you’re entering 540 players manually into the stats provider like we just did. If we made a mistake, let us know by making a trade here and explaining our mistake in the Message at the bottom of that page.

Welcome to the 2017 Santa Lechuga Power League! Good luck. We hope you enjoy the five-cent Tequila Poppers and our trademarked Cabbage-On-a-Stick!

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The 2017 Season Has Officially Begun!


Good luck to one and all!

Also, officially (unless we learn in the next day or two that someone died under the deadline), no one won the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool monies for 2016, so we will put that big money into the big Pot for 2017.

While we get our act together and set up the league, here are some links you might find useful during the season:

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The 2017 SLPL Season Is Officially About To Launch

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There's Still One 2016 Champ To Be Crowned ... And It Likely Won't Be Crowned


For those who don't know, the Santa Lechuga Power League features a Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. Click here to see how it works. As stated in the rules, each season's Death Pool runs from first pitch of one season to the first pitch of the following season, then the champ is crowned. This means that we still have one payout to make for the 2016 season. Unfortunately, no HOFers have passed on to the big sleep over this period of time … which means we will likely have to add that $200 to this year's Pot. Sad, us, right?

Incidentally, if you're skeeved out by our Death Pool, you are not required to play. You can opt out by leaving the HOF portion of your roster submission blank.

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More Than $42,000 Reasons to Join

Looking for a reason to join the Santa Lechuga Power League? Over the past 16 seasons we have given owners more than $42,000 reasons.

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ICYMI: Join the SLPL In Six Easy Steps


The Santa Lechuga Power League is a campy little fantasy baseball league. It’s no slick-CBS-Sportsline-type league where nobody knows anybody and everybody just wants to end up in the 51st-percentile or above to get bragging rights over a bunch of strangers. Instead, the SLPL is made up of family and friends and extended family and friends of brothers Joe Livernois and Tony Livernois, who run the thing for their own amusement and for the amusement of said family and friends and extended family and friends. And because Jay (as his family knows him) and Tony are simple-minded goofs, they run a simple, goofy little league with big-time payouts. Points are earned using home runs and strikeouts. That's it. Oh, and as a side bet we track the heartbeats of Hall-of-Famers in our exclusive (but entirely optional) Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. It’s that easy.

If you’re thinking about joining, here are six basic steps you need to complete to become a new owner:

  1. Learn the rules. Abide.
  2. See the payouts. Drool.
  3. Review our tutorial for picking a roster. Learn.
  4. Select your team and submit your roster. Good luck!
  5. Pay already. Like, before Opening Day so you can earn two free trades.
  6. Contact us. But only with compliments or questions. No whining. We hate whining. We hate whining so much that we almost sound like we are whining when we express how much we hate whining.
Plan on joining us in 2017, wontchya? Before saying no, see this list of ten reasons to join. Maybe that'll convince you.

And if you’re looking for a little light reading once the season gets started, why not catch up on the History of the SLPL or read up on the evil Bobblehead-of-Lettuce?

We hope you can join!

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Sunday Morning WTF?! Bobblehead-of-Lettuce May Be Replaced

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FAQ About Paying Entry Fees Up Front

Question: I love that we are asking owners to pay up front. Doing it the last few seasons got rid of the half-assers and left the league to folks who really want to play. Question, though: You say the entry fee covers the ownership fee and up to eight trades. If I don't use all eight trades, can I expect a refund at the end of the season?
Nope. We encourage an active ownership group that's vying to win, not half-assers who sit around waiting for refunds because they forgot to use their trades. Use 'em or lose 'em, baby. Use 'em or lose 'em.

Question: I was browsing the site. Remind me again what happened to the Power-Hitting Pitchers division?
It's gone. Besides being a real beta to manually track home runs hit by pitchers, it just didn't ganger the type of owner excitement to justify having its own payout. With one fewer payout, we will have more monies to spread to the other champs.

Question: What are the downsides to asking owners to pay $100 up front?
Fewer teams. Though, it should be noted that we ended up with only four fewer teams last season than previous seasons, and our Pot last was actually quite a bit higher at the end of the season. In 2014, with 40 teams, our Pot was $2,300. In 2016, with 36 teams, the Pot was $3,650.

Question: Upsides?
In addition to the fact that Commissioner Rube Furrow won't need to pull monies out of his own pockets each year to pay the winners, the league ended up with a higher proportion of owners who are real players and a lower proportion of apathetic owners (who always seem to be the ones who skip out on paying what they owe, anyway). Oh, and did we mention that our Pot last year got up to $3,650? Yeah, our owners got paid all that … and faster than previous seasons because we already had all the money to distribute.

Question: You mean payouts to champs didn't go down?
In fact, as mentioned above, payouts went up. A bunch. The minimum payout in 2016 was $175, which doubled the minimum payout from the 2014 season.

Question: How do I submit a team and pay my entry fee?
That's the spirit! Submit a roster here. Pay your entry fee here.
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Someone Is Not Happy We Are Moving Into Germany

Sure, this video meme is lots of years old, but why should that stop us from squeezing an annual blog entry out of it?


His advice at the end, it is sound. But really, dude needs to chill. We aren't that bad.

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In A World Without Decent Fantasy Baseball...

This video is now several years old, but we still love it. So much drama! So much action! So many drunk people! Now, these knuckleheads just need to sober up ...


The key takeaway? That the Santa Lechuga Power League fills the gaping vacuum in the universe known as “decent fantasy baseball.” How could you possibly not join?

By the way, where you see the date in the video for March 23, 2011? Yeah, ignore that. Think Monday, April 3, 2017. That's when you need to have your rosters to us for this season.

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Join the SLPL In Six Easy Steps


The Santa Lechuga Power League is a campy little fantasy baseball league. It’s no slick-CBS-Sportsline-type league where nobody knows anybody and everybody just wants to end up in the 51st-percentile or above to get bragging rights over a bunch of strangers. Instead, the SLPL is made up of family and friends and extended family and friends of brothers Joe Livernois and Tony Livernois, who run the thing for their own amusement and for the amusement of said family and friends and extended family and friends. And because Jay (as his family knows him) and Tony are simple-minded goofs, they run a simple, goofy little league with big-time payouts. Points are earned using home runs and strikeouts. That's it. Oh, and as a side bet we track the heartbeats of Hall-of-Famers in our exclusive (but entirely optional) Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. It’s that easy.

If you’re thinking about joining, here are six basic steps you need to complete to become a new owner:

  1. Learn the rules. Abide.
  2. See the payouts. Drool.
  3. Review our tutorial for picking a roster. Learn.
  4. Select your team and submit your roster. Good luck!
  5. Pay already. Like, before Opening Day so you can earn two free trades.
  6. Contact us. But only with compliments or questions. No whining. We hate whining. We hate whining so much that we almost sound like we are whining when we express how much we hate whining.
Plan on joining us in 2017, wontchya? Before saying no, see this list of ten reasons to join. Maybe that'll convince you.

And if you’re looking for a little light reading once the season gets started, why not catch up on the History of the SLPL or read up on the evil Bobblehead-of-Lettuce?

We hope you can join!

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Ten Reasons to Join the Santa Lechuga Power League

TL/DR (Too Long Didn't Read) version:

We have a good ten reasons to join the Santa Lechuga Power League. Getchyer rosters in by Monday, April 3. Recruit.

Now, the details:

While there are literally thousands of reasons to join the Santa Lechuga Power League -- last year alone the number of reasons equaled $3,650 -- we have listed our ten favorite reasons here.

Remember, you have until Monday, April 3, at 1:05 pm Eastern time to submit your roster. Grab your spot quick-like by using this form.

Oh, and be sure to recruit some new owners. It's always fun to have a lot of fresh blood in the waters ... er ... fresh owners in the league.

Good luck picking your roster!
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The 2107 SLPL Season Begins In a Week

You already know that there are a good $3,650 reasons to join the Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League in the Universe, the Santa Lechuga Power League. So with just a week before our 2017 season begins, it’s time to get your lineup ready. Here’s a handy-dandy tutorial for picking your roster. Use it and then send us your roster and pay before next Monday’s Big Opening Day.

Oh, and why dontchya recruit a few new owners while you’re at it? You get a free trade — up to three — for each new owner you recruit.

To get you in the mood, here’s a message from league vet Michael “Maddog” Skoien, who a few days ago sent us this timely reminder:

Given the turmoil the world is in it only fitting that Baseball season is soon here to give us a respite. That is what I need SLPL 2017 for and I need it soon! When do we start? Who can I send my money to??

Also, found this quote from "Field of Dreams" today and it summarizes many of our feelings about baseball. Enjoy!!

Terence Mann: Ray, people will come, Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good and it could be again.

Props for the words, Maddog, you most-awesome veteran owner, you! And thank you for showing such enthusiasm for this dopey little league of ours where, by the way, we doled out 3,650 clams to league owners last season so, sure, we may be podunk but we somehow know how to dole out the clams. Just sayin’.

Everybody, we hope to see you in the league this season!
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The 2017 Season Is Just Around the Corner

The season will begin in a little more than a week! There are no big changes to announce this year. I mean, with over $3,650 being spread amongst 10 champs last season, why change a single, little thing? This old boy of a league is running like a top!

As a reminder of how things will work, entry-wise, though:
  • The entry fee is $100, which must be paid in full up front. This covers your ownership fees and your first eight trades.
  • If you don't pay your $100 entry fee before the season begins, you will have until April 17, 2017 to pay it. If we haven't received full payment from you by then, you will be deleted from the league. Divisions will be created after owner deletions have been made.
  • You can earn two free trades by paying your entry fee of $100 before Opening Day, April 3, 2017. You can also earn up to three more free trades by recruiting new owners.
  • If you want more trades, you can buy up to three more at $10 per. However, a trade will not go into effect until the day after you submit the trade or the day after we receive payment, whichever is latest.
Submit a roster here. Pay your entry fee here.
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