SLPL '19 Home

Thus Bringeth the Championshipth Serieses to a Closeth

And with that Houston win, the Championship Serieses are over. In all, hitters on Santa Lechuga rosters slammed 15 dongs and struck out 118 times while SLPL pitchers threw 111 strikeouts and gave up 9 homers. So far in the playoffs, there have been 42 HRs and and 274 K by rostered hitters and 307 Ks and 30 HRs by rostered hitters. And here's how the Overall standings look going into the World Series:

Overall at Start of World Series

The Series kicks off Tuesday night. There are nine rostered hitters and 6 rostered pitchers left in play for SLPL owners. Will DJay Anderson's Deeger's Dogs continue to hold the top spot? Or, can another team tear it away. Stay tuned!

Playoffs . Regular Season . Pay Already

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I Like It When the Yankees Sierra the Bed In the Playoffs


How many errors?! Heh.

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Nats!


I knew the Nats were for real. And that Yankee's series is surely trending in the right direction.

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Heh

mlb_postseason_00

A little Santa Lechuga humor ahead of tonight's NLCS matchup:


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That's More Like It


An extra inning walk-off against the Yankees is good.

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C'Mon, Stros, Pick Up Your Game


The Astros look anemic. The Nats look for real.

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Sánchez Is a No. 4?!


Gotta love a phenomenal start from a No. 4 in the postseason. Wow.

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Thus Bringeth the Divisionith Serieses to a Closeth


And with that Houston win, the Division Serieses are over. In all, including the Wild Card game, hitters on Santa Lechuga rosters slammed 27 dongs and struck out 156 times while SLPL pitchers threw 196 strikeouts and gave up 21 homers. Nice, right? And here's how the top of the standings look as of tonight:

2019 slpl thru division seires

The league championship serieses are up next, starting with tomorrow's first game. With 20 SLPL rostered hitters and and 12 rostered pitchers, it should be a fun round of playoffs.

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I Love Elimination Games!


You just never know what's going to happen in sports. That Braves-Cardinals game, man, that was brutal. But that Nats-Dodgers game, even more so, especially for only one of the best pitchers in our generation. Wow.

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Make That A Third Game 5


See, now, this is a playoffs! Three out of four Division Serieses are going to Game 5s! Yay-ess!

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Two Game 5!


Four playoff games in a day! Two of which lead to Game 5s!!

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That's 15


Dayamn. Fifteen Ks. Dayama.

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Four Playoff Games In A Day


That was a good, long day of baseball.

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Baseball Is Us


Schmaltzy and heavy-handed and overly dramatic … which may help explain why I like it so damn much:


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So ... That Happened

mlb_postseason_01
C'mon, MLB, give the SLPL some good old fashioned home runs, wilya?
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The Playoffs Have Begun ... and Standings Are Posted

mlb_postseason_01
We're up and running!

And, dang, that game. Those Nats. Nice way to start a playoff season!
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DJay Anderson Crowned 2019 Regular Season Champ!

Deeger’s Dogs owner DJay Anderson was crowned the 2019 Santa Lechuga Power League Regular Season Champion after Sunday's action, which will grant him the right the scrape out roughly $775 from The Pot*. Not only did DJay win the Regular Season Championship, but he was also crowned the Maddog's Heroes Division Champ and the Hitting Champ. Attaboy, DJay!

Meanwhile, many other champs were crowned at the end of Sunday's action, which marked the official end of the 2019 Regular Season. Here's our complete list of Regular Season Champs:
  • Pepino Ortiz Me Division Champ: Deeger’s Dogs (21), DJay Anderson
  • Swing Bombers Division: Uncle Vanya's Morphine (6), Joe Livernois
  • Who's Blue Division Champ: Seal Key Sullivans (7), Bill Cunning
  • Maddog's Heroes Division: Dongwhipped (24), Kevin Klinkhamer
  • Hitting Champ: Deeger’s Dogs (21), DJay Anderson
  • Pitching Champ: Seal Key Sullivans (7), Bill Cunning
  • Regular Season Champ: Deeger’s Dogs (21), DJay Anderson

Congratulations to DJay Anderson and to all our Regular Season champs!

(By the way, final money winners will be announced at the end of the playoffs, after the Overall Champ is crowned.)

In Other News
Owners can no longer make any trades for the 2019 season.*

More In Other News
The playoffs will begin tomorrow. It usually takes some time to get our mambo-jumbo worksheet up-and-running for the playoffs, but we'll do our best not to take too long. Certainly it will be up and running by the end of the week.

Still Other News
Y’all need to know how points are awarded during the Wild Card and Divisional Playoffs. Here’s how:
  • Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
  • Hitters lose 2 points for every K
  • Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
  • Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered

*Final payouts may shift to account for the 50+ trades we still need to process before the playoffs begin.

Good luck to all y’alls during the playoffs!

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We Love Our Owners!

Here's a fun way to close out the Regular Season, a note from Maddog's Maulers owner Michael Skoien:

Thanks again for running a fun league. It looks like I have agonizingly tripped and fallen about 5 yards short of the finish line, as I once again exhausted all trade possibilities, only to see almost half my roster head to the IL.

Kudos to
Kevin Klinkhammer for a well played roster that sped past my fallen corpse in the final days of the season.

Best regards,
Maddog

P.S. Not to gloat too much, but GO TWINS! Beat those Damn Yankees!!!

You read that and you can see why we love our owners, right?

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ICYMI 2: Coming to the End of th Season

And now that the playoff picture is set — damn, Indians — it is clear who will be safer picks to have on your playoff roster.

The 2019 Regular Season is coming to a close. You will need to finalize your playoff roster before the final pitch of the final game of the Regular Season, which would include any tiebreakers to determine Wild Card or Division teams. How will scoring for the playoffs work? Here's how it goes:

During the Divisional Playoffs...
. Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 2 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered

During the League Championship Series...
. Hitters earn 50 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 5 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 5 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 25 points for every homer surrendered

During the World Series...
. Hitters earn 100 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 10 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 10 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 50 points for every homer surrendered

Which means, of course, you'll want to stack your playoff roster with players from teams you think will go deep into the playoffs.

Good luck planning for the end of the season!

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ICYMI: Coming to the End of th Season

I'll just go ahead and post this so I don't have to confront the fact that my Indians will not be in the playoffs this year …

The 2019 Regular Season is coming to a close. You will need to finalize your playoff roster before the final pitch of the final game of the Regular Season, which would include any tiebreakers to determine Wild Card or Division teams. How will scoring for the playoffs work? Here's how it goes:

During the Divisional Playoffs...
. Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 2 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered

During the League Championship Series...
. Hitters earn 50 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 5 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 5 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 25 points for every homer surrendered

During the World Series...
. Hitters earn 100 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 10 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 10 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 50 points for every homer surrendered

Which means, of course, you'll want to stack your playoff roster with players from teams you think will go deep into the playoffs.

Good luck planning for the end of the season!

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Coming to the End of th Season

The 2019 Regular Season is coming to a close. You will need to finalize your playoff roster before the final pitch of the final game of the Regular Season, which would include any tiebreakers to determine Wild Card or Division teams. How will scoring for the playoffs work? Here's how it goes:

During the Divisional Playoffs...
. Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 2 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered

During the League Championship Series...
. Hitters earn 50 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 5 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 5 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 25 points for every homer surrendered

During the World Series...
. Hitters earn 100 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 10 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 10 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 50 points for every homer surrendered

Which means, of course, you'll want to stack your playoff roster with players from teams you think will go deep into the playoffs.

Good luck planning for the end of the season!

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Yep, That's Right, Part 2

No, this is iterally every trade I made this year.

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Yep, That's Right

Literally every trade I made this year.

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Skip, Barry, Bluto and Jawline. "Oh, My God!"

Guys! I want the video of what happens just off screen, to the left. What we see are all those sad sack Indians fans fighting (hey, I can empathize … this was a brutal weekend). As Skip, Barry, and Bluto tumble and crumble down the aisles, a sad sack cop takes a spill into a seat just to the lower left of us. One minute it's an empty seat with sunglasses on the ground, the next second it's Sergeant Jawline, dazed and confused after slamming his ass into the folding seat. Where's video of that, I ask you?

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It's A Shame

The worst part of these Drunk People Falling videos is that the people recording them are often just as drunk, which means we get some horrific camera work. C'mon, people, keep the damn camera still!

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Unexpectedly Dark

Sorry about the unexpected darkness. All the trade received have been processed, backdated to their correct dates, so all y'all should be good to go.

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Go Bulls!

But the MLB season isn't even over yet.

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I Remember When

Hole. E. Cow.

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Save!

This guy should be working the net.

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8-2-4 To Complete the Double Play

I mean, c'mon! This is fun.

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Keep Your Eye On the Ball

A man has got to have priorities.

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Go Bulls!

He's no Dennis Rodman, but still I'm rooting for him.

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The Internet Delivers Again

Walk which way?

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Go, Bulls!

This makes me happy.

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I'd Do It

I'd hop into that time machine, fershure.

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Baseball It Is

The comment, "Baseball it is," had me laughing more than I should have.

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At Least We Have the Nicknames

I don't fully understand the concept of Players' Weekend, but some of the nicknames are fun.

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I Have My Team Name for Next Season

Bird-Flipping Little League Menace.

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Just Call Her Lefty Gomez

Safe to assume she's no longer ambidextrous?

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Um ...

What does one do about this?

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The Internet Delivers

First came this poor weather reporter:


Then came the "salmon cannon":



Then came the Internet, which always, always delivers:


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My April

How April played out for my Los Monos de Pepino:

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A Couple More of Paul

Just posting a couple more fave photos of Paul Ladurini, both taken at Julie and Aaron Pankoke's rehearsal dinner back in '07:

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Paul and Betty

IMGP2098
Julie and Paul
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So Long, Paul

The Santa Lechuga Power League bids a sad goodbye to Paul Ladurini, father to league mainstay Sue Klinkhamer, father-in-law to former owner Dan Klinkhamer, and grandfather to owner Kevin Klinkhamer and former owner Julie (Klinkhamer) Pankoke. Paul, who passed on August 3, was a big-hearted, loving man who adored his family. From Sue:

Screen Shot 2019-08-07 at 10.20.54 AM

From Christmas, circa 1999:


Kevin, Dan, Julie, Sue, Paul, and Betty

So long, Paul.

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Happy Nolan Ryan Day

Respect!

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Cooler Heads Need to Prevail

We missed a bit while we were away and sick. Let's start with our favorite thing we missed, which was Amir Garrett taking on the entirety of the Pirates team, a thing to behold.

Or, rather:

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We're Going Dark Again

With apologies for the spotty coverage this season — it's been quite a year — we were dark for too long recently and now we're going dark again, maybe through next Tuesday. Having said that, we will try to update the stats and standings when we're on the road (we can't update this blog), so please check there every now and again.

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The Lettuce Curtain

What the hell?! The Lettuce Curtain opens on Broadway-In-Santa Lechuga during the same week that the Koch-funded industrial curtain factory opens on Arroyo Loco Way in Santa Lechuga? I can't wait to read Voices of Monterey Bay's investigative report on this "coincidence"!

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I Want to Get Weepy, Too

If I had any idea what was happening, I might could get weepy, too.


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Game Over, Man!

Umm … erm … wait … hold on …


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Deep Dive On Gaylord

It's either nostalgia or it's CSI-ing a long-ago train wreck, but I have found myself even more intrigued by Gaylord Perry's career after watching that Letterman interview. This here article is a nice recap to his infamous legacy. My only quibble is the use of the word "allegedly." I mean, just look at the subtitle of his book:


You know?

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It Boggles

How is this guy in the Hall-of-Fame?

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Speaking of Gaylord Perry

An hour or two after we posted yesterday's snark about "Ball Four" not being as good as "Me and the Spitter," we saw this fascinating article posted by SI. Interestingly, this article about Gaylord Perry starts with a quote from Jim Bouton's "Ball Four." The universe, man. The universe.

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"Ball Four"

It was no "Me and the Spitter," but "Ball Four" was really something.
By the way, I am clearly joking about "Me and the Spitter." While I was in the Gaylord Perry fan club and read his book at least a half a dozen times as a 10-year-old, I know it doesn't measure up to "Ball Four," like, in any universe.

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Samuel Lewis Crowned 2019 All-Star Champ (Assuming We Tracked Things Correctly)

2019 ASG 1

He was on of five owners to get Pete Alonso's Derby points, but he was the only owner of those seven to also have Gallo's All-Star Game points, which means Max Scherzer's Blue Eye owner Samuel Lewis is this year's first official Santa Lechuga Power League champ, the 2019 All-Star Champ*. With this win Samuel pulls 100 cool clams out of the coffers and the adoration of 27 other owners who would have preferred to be the winner of those 100 cool clams. Oh, and that number of clams could go up if paid trading activity is high enough this season.

Congratulations to Samuel Lewis on his 2019 All-Star Championship!
*This assumes we didn't make any mistakes. Which is to say, we may have messed up some of the math here since we had to manually enter all All-Star stats for every team in the league. If we made any mistakes, please notify us ASAP so that we can make corrections. You will find our tracking under the All-Star Stats tab in our boffo spreadsheet!

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We Have a Few All-Star Leaders

2019 ASG 0

Several, in fact, after Pete Alonso won last night's Home Run Derby. Here are the All-Star standings through last night:

Screen Shot 2019-07-09 at 10.58.19 AM


By the way, you should know this going into tonight's All-Star Game:

  • Hitters earn 150 points for every home run hit
  • Hitters lose 25 points for every K
  • Pitchers earn 25 points for every K
  • Pitchers lose 75 points for every homer surrendered

The team with the most combined points — Home Run Derby points plus All-Star Game points — will win the All-Star Championship.

BTW, points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.

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Tonight Is the Home Run Derby

2019 ASG 2

Tonight is the Home Run Derby. If a player on your roster wins the All-Star Home Run Derby, your team picks up 250 points towards the All-Star standings. Points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.

Good luck to you!

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Derby Tomorrow, All-Star Game Tuesday

2019 ASG 3

Remember, if you want to make trades to ensure you have players competing in the Home Run Derby, you have to submit your trade before 11:59 pm tonight. If you want players before the 2019 All-Star Game, you need to submit the trades by 11:59 pm Monday. Good luck to all!

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Turns Out, Apologies Are Due

The always-competitive DJay Andersen, owner of Deeger's Dogs, sent us a cordial message late last night calling our attention to something that would have slipped past our radar had he not caught it. He said: "Hey guys. I made a trade for Pete Alonso of the Mets. It was processed ok but for some reason his points are not registering on my totals. Please check for me and let me know Thank you."

Mind you, DJay only recently made the trade, but he's paying close enough attention that he could tell that Alonso's -4 points (before yesterday's dinger) weren't showing up in his totals. That must be why DJay is described as "always-competitive," right?

Anyways, he was right, Alonso was on his roster but his points weren't registering.

Turns out, when the chowderheads in the league (a.k.a., me) made the transaction we accidentally made Alonso "Reserve" rather than "Active," which, like, we never do.

Or, so we thought.

Turns out, we did do it three other times this season, putting players on Reserve rather than Active, which means points for those players were accumulating but never showing up in the teams' totals. Here are the teams affected:


I have since made all these players active, but the points won't show up until tomorrow's standings. Jack Tripp's Who's Your Padre will see the biggest jump in points since Vogelback has scored 82 (previously not showing) points for him.

Apologies, folks, for this mistake. And thanks, DJay, for your eagle eyes!

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The All-Star Game Is Around the Corner

2019 ASG 0

The 2019 All-Star Game is just around the corner. As a reminder of how that works:

How do I score points for the All-Star Standings?

During the Home Run Derby...
If a player on your roster wins the All-Star Home Run Derby, your team picks up 250 points

During the All-Star Game...

  • Hitters earn 150 points for every home run hit
  • Hitters lose 25 points for every K
  • Pitchers earn 25 points for every K
  • Pitchers lose 75 points for every homer surrendered

The team with the most combined points — Home Run Derby points plus All-Star Game points — will win the All-Star Championship.

BTW, points earned in this category are allocated exclusively to the All-Star Standings and are not allocated to the Overall Standings.

Incidentally, if you want to make trades to ensure you have players competing int he Home Run Derby, you have to submit your trade before 11:59 pm Sunday. If you want players before the All-Star Game, you need to submit the trades by 11:59 pm Monday.

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Four Things for the 4th

First for the 4th, Happy 4th of July!

Pasted Graphic
Photo from Babes Love Baseball

Second for the 4th, as is our want and tradition, below is our favorite 4th of July video, one we love a whole bunch but really love because of this lyric: “I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit | And your dog refused to look at it | So I got drunk and looked at the Empire State Building | It was no bigger than a nickel …” Check this out:






Third for the 4th, here is SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow (aka, Joe Livernois) giving it his best while conducting a rousing rendition of "Stars and Stripes Forever" with the Monterey Bay Symphony back in 2009:






Fourth for the 4th, we love this crowd-sourced video:






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This Makes Me Very Happy

Anytime is the right time to listen to some old B-52s, but today they released a new video for an old song, Rock Lobster. It's as trippy as it is fun. Enjoy.


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Oh, Damn

Yet another tip of the ballcap to Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien, this time for this submission. Mike is dogging the team from Flushing, saying "And this is just another reason the Mets are so bad!" Oh, damn!

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Superkid!

Interesting follow-up to a SI cover story.

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Minnesotans Handling Homers

Tip of the ballcap to Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien giving us this blog fodder about ten days back. Mike is bragging here, saying "This is how we Minnesotans handle home runs! 😂😂😂" Thanks, Mike!

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Looking At the Standings

Yep. That's my season.

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Lamentable Lament

Tip of the ballcap to Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien for sending us this link about ten days back. Mike included the lament "Isn't this what the increased number of trades are for? Why keep Giancarlo Stanton on your roster when he doesn't play for weeks? How about underperforming 'stars'? With the exception of two owners who have Vogelbach on their roster, no one has any of these hitters (me included)....WTF??" I feel you pain, Mike. I feel your pain.

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Aloha, Viejo

Sorry that it's been so long since we updated the blog. We have updated the standings and stats here and there, but the blog has been left untouched for too long. Again, apologies.

This being the Santa Lechuga Power League, we need to give a nod on the blog to someone who had a huge impact on the lives of the Family Livernois. Roger Earl Bartindale — who our commissioner Rube Furrow once bestowed the title "The Family Antagonist" — died yesterday after over 103 impressive years on this earth. We will be forever grateful to Viejo for all the things he did for us over these many, many years, the most important of which may have been giving us dozens and dozens of legendary, over-the-top, you-can't-make-this-stuff-up stories that will live in our memories until it's our turn to check out. Aloha, Roger.


Roger Earl Bartindale, center, with the Family Livernois (and a Rochellle)
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No, It Really Hasn't Gotten Out of Hand

Tip of the ballcap to Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien for sending us this link with the comment "I don't know, I think this league kind of digs this trend!" Indeed we do, Mike. Indeed we do.

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While We Were Away

This is what we were up to:

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We Are Going Semi-Dark

The last of his Livernois generation is graduating from high school, which means the rest of us are headed to Chico, CA, to convene to celebrate, which means we're going semi-dark through next Tuesday so that we can celebrate Brandt Livernois' high school graduation. You know. It's a thing. These celebrations.

What does semi-dark mean? It means that we can't update this here blog but we can update the stats and standings, as long as we have a trusty WiFi connection. So, check back here to check the stats and standings. When we get back, we might post a picture of Brandt in his Dogs Playing Poker shirt, which he will have earned because he graduated.

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My Year In a GIF

Two weeks into my season and this happens …


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Advertently This Time

Going dark again. Heading to Denver for a few days, though we may be able to update stats and standings while there. Will try to get things fully up and running again on Saturday morning.

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"What Just Happened?!"

Uncle Vanya's Morphine owner Joe Livernois says, about this: "The precise moment Auburn decided to abandon its baseball program forever …"

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Sorry About That, Chief

We went inadvertently dark … a few days before we may have to go dark again for several days. We always seem to catch up, though, so don't fret too much.

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This Makes Us Happy

We enjoy this immensely. And we've been to bullfights. Maybe because we've been to bullfights.


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Um, Ouch?

And away the Monos gooooo …. ooooooooh!!!!


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Yep, That's My Season

The Monos got out of the gate quickly, them BLAMMO!


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We Are Going Dark

We've been called to Los Angeles for work, so we have to go dark for a few days (though, there's a slight chance we'll be able to do stats and standings, even if we can't update the blog). Things should be back to normal around here on Thursday morning. In the meantime, make any trades as necessary by clicking here and we will get everything sorted out when we return.

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Sunday Morning WTH?! Hey, All You Mothers Out There!

In this Sunday Morning Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, we tame our default proclivities …

As we have in seasons past, we have decided to be respectful to all the mothers in this league for at least one day of the season by renaming our regular Sunday series “Sunday Morning WTF?!” in honor of Mother’s Day to “Sunday Morning WTH?!?!” As in, “What the heck?!” or, “Whiskey Tango Hotel?” Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there!

We have also decided to revive a league favorite, which Scoot Bigs owner Scott Allen shared with us way back in ’11. Scott said that it is a tradition in his country of origin to celebrate Mother’s Day by dancing around a scooter. We didn’t believe him until we dug up this video on the Interwebs. (BTW, Scoot’s the one wearing jorts.)

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Made It By That Much

The kind of stupid thing I would have tried as a teenager. Except, I wouldn't have been successful.


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My Season In Another GIF

I'm hoping that I can somehow make this type of recovery.


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My Season In One GIF

Going yard.


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What A Wonderful Idea

Tip of the ballcap to Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien for sending us this link with the comment "More home runs and strikeouts! Somebody should create a fantasy league around that model!!" Good sir, I believe you might be onto something there. Let's throw a committee at the idea.

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To the Left, to the Left

Fun.


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This Is a Little Bit Awesome

How cool is this?

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Can We Just Go Ahead and Rededicate Cinco de Mayo to This Bull?

In this episode of Sunday Morning WTF?!, we will forever remember the first day we saw this beautiful, wonderful, wondrous, GIF. You're welcome.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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What Sport Are We Playing?

In some circumstances, it makes sense to punt.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Balsa Wood Kenevil

In today's episode of "They Really Didn't Think That Through Completely"…


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Drop Everything

Tip of the ballcap to Uncle Vanya's Morphine's owner Joe Livernois for sending us this story, filed under the heading "At Least You're Not This Guy."

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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The Best Player You Never Saw

It's an old article, but complete worthy read (or re-read).

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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New Normal?

Good question.

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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How My Season Began vs. Now

Like this:


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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That's Sierraload, Good Sir

Tip of the ballcap to Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien for sending us this link (which may be behind a paywall) and saying "Article from Friday's Washington Post has important information for SLPL owners: 1) MLB players are hitting a ****load of homers at a record pace, 2) Do not own a pitcher from the Baltimore Orioles, and of course 3) The ball is "juiced," or, according to this article it has a lower drag coefficient making it fly farther ... duh!

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Astley Physics

Well done.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Drunks and a Sniper

This is funnier than it has any right to be.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Delightfully Peeved

Ochre Stockings owner Ray Brennan recently traded for Yan Moncada of the White Sox while dropping Daniel Palka of the said same Sox. Ray's commentary, which is always delightfully peeved: "Here's my latest crafty adjustment to my Ochre Stockings roster, AKA Total Current and Future Entire Major League Perpetually Disabled or Grossly Underachieving List. Moncada's another sentimental choice from my favorite team. I hope he's better than my last sentimental choice, Palka, who went 0-for-32 and had 0 (ZERO) homers, tho he may get a few now that he's back in Triple A. Oh yeah, he's my second trade in this go-round, Salud!"

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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My Season Thus Far, Part 3 (NSFW)

Depicts, with precision, how my season began. Not safe for work.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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One of These Guys?

Tip of the Ballcap to Maddog's Maulers owner Mike Skoien, who sent us this link and asked the question, "Nearing the end of first month of baseball and you have to ask should I add one of these guys to replace that slow starting All Star? (e.g. Chris Sale)."

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Working Those Quads, Take 2

Three-fourths of our population should be paralyzed, Exhibit #2.6 billion and one, courtesy of Hold My Beer:


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Working Those Quads

You follow Darwin Award long enough and you begin to think that, like, three-fourths of our population should be paralyzed. Exhibit #2.6 billion:


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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And for My Next Wish ...

… I wish Curt Schilling would choke on his bloody sock.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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My Season Thus Far, Part 2

Yep. About like that.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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At Least Jose Hit A Dinger for Him Last Night

Maddog's Mauler owner Mike Skoien finally decided to drop Jose Ramirez. "Hitting below the Mendoza line for 250+ ABs since end of 2018 just won't cut it … when you're that bad I even have to resort to adding someone from the Dodgers ... but at least not someone from the Yankees who will likely be on the IL before you know it anyway…"

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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My Season Thus Far, Part 1

Yep. About like that.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Drunken Gymnstics

In this episode of Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, we witness some drunken gymnastics … and marvel. W?! T?! F?!


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Ozuna Or Later

That didn't go as planned, did it?


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Plumbing the Depths

What it was like being a Cleveland Indians fan in the 1970s and 1980s.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Craven Bastard

Oh! Hey! Look! It's the POS who who just keeps S-ing on everything!


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Me, the Other Mondays

See also: The occasional Wednesday.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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"Major League" Is 30?!?!

In the first episode of this season's Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, we are told that the movie "Major League" is 30 years old. W?! T?! F?! Holy, hell!

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Me, Most Mondays

See also: Most Tuesdays


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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"Literally Us, the Blue Jays"

Excuse us while we spend the rest of our Friday laughing our assess off.


Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Uni Watch

Maddog's Maulers owner Michael Skoien sent this cool article to us before the season kicked off, but we thought it was too good not to share. He said, "This might be a nostalgic and somewhat irreverent read during March Madness as we prepare for the kickoff of BASEBALL!!" Thanks, Michael!

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Make That Five

Five trades are in the books now in this early season, and better than the fact that we have a hungry group of owners is that said same owners are also bitter and carrying a chip on their shoulders. For example, Ochre Sox owner Ray Brennan said about his trade: "Stanton goes on the DL, which in this case means Disabled List, not the Down Low. What the frick is it with these 'jocks' (do they even wear them anymore??) and their injuries? Maybe the teams ought to hire trainers and doctors and purchase exercise equipment to keep these tender little flowers in playing shape."

Ah, yes, that's the seething bitterness we so love.

Meanwhile, Dongwhpped owner Kevin Klinkhamer had this to say about his trade: "First time I take Stanton to begin a year and it only took him a weekend to turn into a foxtrotting clown."

Yes, please, more of that.

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Four Trades Already

Remember what we said yesterday about istilled Awesomeness">awesomeness distilled? About enhanced competition? Yeah, well, with only a weekend's worth of games in the can, three owners have already made trades. Which is to say, this league ain't messing around. If you want to compete, you've gotta use some trades!

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Distilled Awesomeness

If you missed it yesterday, our website is up-and-running! Yay, right? That means our stats and standings are all up to date, so check 'em out.

Anyway, given that we have a smaller league — distilled awesomeness, is what we like to call it — we have had to make a few adjustments, as you might've imagined. With eight fewer teams for a total of 28, we elected to have four divisions of seven teams, which eliminates two division payouts and cranks up the competition, big time. We have also adjusted the various and sundry lower-level payouts to make sure our Regular Season and Overall Champs are getting the hefty coin to which they've become accustomed. Here's how we're spreading the purse as of today:

The 2019 Pot


We're doing all of this in a vacuum, though, so feel free to give us your commentary. If you think we should be approaching things differently, let us know with an impassioned, though not whiny, message using the form at this link. We believe we can be reasoned with, so be reasonable. And not whiny. We hate whiny.

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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We're Up and Running!

Our website is up-and-running!

Our stats and standings are up-and-running! As before, we are using a mambo-jumbo spreadsheet that is converted to a webpage, so look for the tabs at the bottom of the page to navigate the various pages of information, including how our sweet pot is calculated and distributed.

Please do us a favor and go to the Rosters tab to take a look-see at your roster. What are you checking for? To make sure we didn’t bungle anything, which is wicked-easy to do when you’re manually entering 15 players for 28 teams players. If we made a mistake, let us know by making a trade here and explaining our mistake in the Message at the bottom of that page.

Once again, welcome to the 2019 Santa Lechuga Power League! Good luck!

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Welcome to the 2019 Santa Lechuga Power League!

Thanks for joining the 2019 edition of the Santa Lechuga Power League! You will be happy to know:
  • We have 28 teams, a dip from recent seasons, which means the deadweight of lazy, apathetic, struggling owners from previous seasons is gone and the competition is more concentrated
  • Given the above, this should be a tough, hard-fought, awesome season!
  • We have a healthy $2800 pot to kick things off
  • Our website — you are looking at it right now — along with our stats and standings will be fully up-and-running early next week (sorry about that folks, but we're headed to Michigan for the weekend and won't be able to work on league-related things until we get back)
Here are the standings from our stats provider through yesterday's big Opening Day:

Opening Day 2

Welcome to the 2019 SLPL! Good luck. We really hope you enjoy the five-cent Tequila Poppers and our trademarked Cabbage-On-a-Stick!

Standings and Stats . Make A Trade . Pay Already

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Kathy Lamkin Crowned 2019 SLPL HOF Death Pool Champ!

Hey, look at us! We give out money when the season begins!

With the first pitch of today’s first game, Make Fantasy Baseball Great Again! owner Kathy Lamkin was officially* crowned the 2018 winner of the Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool, thereby officially closing out the 2018 season. “I would like to thank Red Schoendienst and Frank Robinson for allowing me to scrape $225 out of the pot. I didn't want them to die, but, look, we all die. I'm sure Red and Frank would be happy to know their deaths went to a good cause,” Kathy said after being crowned champ. “And before you get all mad at me for saying that, look, I'm getting ready to move. Every dollar I earn means a lot to me.”

*When we say "officially," we mean that as of right now we know of no other Hall-of-Famers who died before today’s first pitch since Frank Robinson walked into the Iowa cornfields in February. If news stories come through that someone kicked it before this afternoon’s games, we'll have to revise our officialness status and see what shakes out.

For Those Interested In Such Things
Here’s how the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool points are scored: Points are earned by subtracting the reported age of the dirt-napper at the time of his death (rounded down to the most-recent birthday) from 100 and multiplying the result by 5. So:
• An 80-year-old would get 100-80=20*5=100 points.
• A 40-year-old would get 100-40=60*5=300 points.

And here’s how the Magic Number works: The team with the Magic Number closest to the Date-of-Death (DoD) will get an extra 25 points. If that team's Magic Number matches the DoD, the team will instead get 50 extra points.

For Those Creeped Out by Such Things
Here's how we justify to ourselves having a Hall-of-Fame Death Pool: "Their major contributions to the world already behind them, baseball Hall-of-Famers will never get the glory they received on the day they were inducted into the Hall-of-Fame until their funerals. We honor living HOFers by putting them into a Death Pool and hoping they will soon receive that final glorious moment in the sun … before they are buried or cremated."

Congratulations, Kathy!
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The 2019 Season Has Officially Begun!


The SLPL Bobblehead-of-Lettuce


Good luck to one and all!

While we get our act together and set up the league, here are some MLB links — also found in the menu bar up top — you might find useful during the season:

See the 2019 Rules | Pay Your Entry Fee

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The 2019 SLPL Season Is Officially About To Launch


Getchyer roster in, STAT!

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

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There's Still One 2018 Champ To Be Crowned

For those who don't know, the Santa Lechuga Power League features a Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. Click here to see how it works. As stated in the rules, each season's Death Pool runs from first pitch of one season to the first pitch of the following season, then the champ is crowned. This means that we still have one payout to make for the 2018 season. Currently, Make Fantasy Baseball Great Again! owner Kathy Livernois stands to win the $225 if she can hold onto the lead for a bit more than 24 hours.

Incidentally, if you're skeeved out by our Death Pool, you are not required to play. You can opt out by leaving the HOF portion of your roster submission blank.
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ICYMI: Join the SLPL In Six Easy Steps


The Santa Lechuga Power League is a campy little fantasy baseball league. It’s no slick-CBS-Sportsline-type league where nobody knows anybody and everybody just wants to end up in the 51st-percentile or above to get bragging rights over a bunch of strangers. I mean, who brags to strangers? Instead, the SLPL is made up of family and friends and extended family and friends of brothers Joe Livernois and Tony Livernois, who run the thing for their own amusement and for the amusement of said family and friends and extended family and friends. And because Jay (as his family knows him) and Tony are simple-minded goofs, they run a simple, goofy little league with big-time payouts. Points are earned using home runs and strikeouts. That's it. Oh, and as a side bet we track the heartbeats of Hall-of-Famers in our exclusive (but entirely optional) Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. It’s that easy.

If you’re thinking about joining, here are six basic steps you need to complete to become a new owner:
  1. Learn the rules. Abide.
  2. See the payouts. Drool.
  3. Review our tutorial for picking a roster. Learn.
  4. Select your team and submit your roster. Good luck!
  5. Pay already. Like, before Opening Day so you can earn two free trades.
  6. Contact us. But only with compliments or questions. No whining. We hate whining. We hate whining so much that we almost sound like we are whining when we express how much we hate whining.
Plan on joining us in 2019, wontchya? Before saying no, see this list of ten reasons to join. Maybe that'll convince you.

And if you’re looking for a little light reading once the season gets started, why not catch up on the History of the SLPL or read up on the evil Bobblehead-of-Lettuce?

We hope you can join!

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

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FAQ About Paying Entry Fees Up Front

Question: I love that we are asking owners to pay up front. Doing it the last several seasons got rid of the half-assers and left the league to folks who really want to play. Question, though: You say the entry fee covers the ownership fee and up to eight trades. If I don't use all eight trades, can I expect a refund at the end of the season?
Ha ha ha. No. We encourage an active ownership group that's vying to win, not half-assers who sit around waiting for refunds because they forgot to use their trades. Use 'em or lose 'em, baby. Use 'em or lose 'em.

Question: What are the downsides of asking owners to pay $100 up front?
None, really. Our Pots continue to be big. Heck, last year's pop was a big $3,780. Nifty, right?

Question: Upsides?
In addition to the fact that Commissioner Rube Furrow won't need to pull monies out of his own pockets each year to pay the winners, the league ended up with a higher proportion of owners who are real players and a lower proportion of apathetic owners, who always seemed to be the ones who skip out on paying what they owe, anyway. Oh, and did we mention that our Pot last year got up to $3,780? Yeah, our owners got paid all that … and faster than previous seasons because we already had all the money in the bank to immediately distribute.

Question: You mean payouts to champs didn't go down?
In fact, as mentioned above, payouts went up. A bunch. The minimum payout in 2018 was $175, which doubled the minimum payout from the 2014 season.

Question: How do I submit a team and pay my entry fee?
That's the spirit! Submit a roster here. Pay your entry fee here.

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

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In A World Without Decent Fantasy Baseball...


This video is now several years old, but we still love it. So much drama! So much action! So many drunk people! Now, these knuckleheads just need to sober up ...


The key takeaway? That the Santa Lechuga Power League fills the gaping vacuum in the universe known as “decent fantasy baseball.” How could you possibly not join?

By the way, where you see the date in the video for March 23, 2011? Yeah, ignore that. Think March 28, 2019 instead. That's when you need to have your rosters to us for this season.

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

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More Than $48,000 Reasons to Join

Looking for a reason to join the Santa Lechuga Power League? Over the past 18 seasons we have given owners more than $48,000 reasons.

Pots


Do it. Join.

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

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Join the SLPL In Six Easy Steps

The Santa Lechuga Power League is a campy little fantasy baseball league. It’s no slick-CBS-Sportsline-type league where nobody knows anybody and everybody just wants to end up in the 51st-percentile or above to get bragging rights over a bunch of strangers. I mean, who brags to strangers? Instead, the SLPL is made up of family and friends and extended family and friends of brothers Joe Livernois and Tony Livernois, who run the thing for their own amusement and for the amusement of said family and friends and extended family and friends. And because Jay (as his family knows him) and Tony are simple-minded goofs, they run a simple, goofy little league with big-time payouts. Points are earned using home runs and strikeouts. That's it. Oh, and as a side bet we track the heartbeats of Hall-of-Famers in our exclusive (but entirely optional) Hall-of-Fame Death Pool. It’s that easy.

If you’re thinking about joining, here are six basic steps you need to complete to become a new owner:
  1. Learn the rules. Abide.
  2. See the payouts. Drool.
  3. Review our tutorial for picking a roster. Learn.
  4. Select your team and submit your roster. Good luck!
  5. Pay already. Like, before Opening Day so you can earn two free trades.
  6. Contact us. But only with compliments or questions. No whining. We hate whining. We hate whining so much that we almost sound like we are whining when we express how much we hate whining.
Plan on joining us in 2019, wontchya? Before saying no, see this list of ten reasons to join. Maybe that'll convince you.

And if you’re looking for a little light reading once the season gets started, why not catch up on the History of the SLPL or read up on the evil Bobblehead-of-Lettuce?

We hope you can join!

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

Comments

Ten Reasons to Join the Santa Lechuga Power League

TL/DR (Too Long Didn't Read) version: We have ten reasons to join the Santa Lechuga Power League. Getchyer rosters in by Opening Day, March 28, 2019. Recruit.

Now, the details:

While there are literally thousands of reasons to join the Santa Lechuga Power League -- last year alone the number of reasons equaled $3,780 -- we have listed our ten favorite reasons, which you can find by clicking on these words.

Remember, you have until Thursday, March 28, first pitch, to submit your roster. Grab your spot quick-like by using the form linked to these words.

Oh, and be sure to recruit some new owners. It's always fun to have a lot of fresh blood in the waters ... er ... fresh owners in the league.

Good luck picking your roster!

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

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Our First Review Is In ...

The first review of our new-look website is in and it comes courtesy of longtime owner Vince Livernois. Here it is, in its entirety:

Fresh by Kook and the Gang


Thanks, Vinnie. We agree.

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

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The 2019 Season Is Less Than Two Weeks Away!

The 2019 Santa Lechuga Power League season is less than two weeks away! We hope that your offseason was memorable, that your family is good, and that you missed us enough to want to join the 2019 season. And if you didn’t miss us that much, did I mention that our nine champs last year split $3,780?

Unlike the actual major leagues, there are no rules changes to announce in the SLPL this year. Hey, this ol' boy of a league is running like a top. Why change?

Here's how things work to enter the league and to make trades:
  • The entry fee is $100, which must be paid in full up front. This covers your ownership fees ($20) and your first eight trades ($80).
  • If you pay your entry fee of $100 before the first pitch on Opening Day, March 28, 2018, you will earn two free trades.
  • If you don't pay your $100 entry fee before the season begins, you will have until April 11, 2018 to pay it. If we haven't received full payment from you by then, you will be deleted from the league. Divisions will be created after owner deletions have been made.
  • For every new owner you recruit into the league, up to three, you will earn a free trade.
  • You can buy up to ten more trades at $10 per. However, a trade will not go into effect until the day after you submit the trade or the day after we receive payment, whichever is latest.
And we have a nifty new look at our website this season. You're looking at it this very minute.

Here are key links:
As always, we're always an email away if you have questions or comments.

We hope you can join us again for another nifty season.

And you folks who have been off the radar for a while: Come join us again. We’d love to have you!

See the 2019 Rules | Submit a Roster | Pay Your Entry Fee | Adjust a Submitted Roster Here

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